“Fix this match for good luck” bookies using blind-faith to fix matches

“Sai Baba has chosen you for good luck. Fix today’s cricket match and forward this message to three other players in your team, and you will become Indian team’s captain within a year. If you ignore this message, someone in your family will die.” Many cricketers had found such messages forwarded to them on their mobile phones during the ICC world cup last year, sources say.

Worried about a possible ban, guy watching porn continuously for last 100 hours

Ramesh Kumar, a second year student of Ghaseeta Ram Engineering College has been watching porn movies continuously for the last 100 hours after a PIL against watching porn was accepted by the Supreme Court.

• After receiving constant abuses on Twitter, man happily decides to vote for Modi
• IIT Bombay declared a Wildlife Sanctuary
• Girl attempts suicide after failing to get into ‘100 profile picture likes’ club

BJP to hold Chintan Shivir to find new ways of losing another election

With an eye on losing the 2014 elections and give FN another chance to target Congress led government for its incompetence and corruption, BJP has called a meeting of top party leaders to finalize the losing strategy.

Denied onsite for 4 years, IT Analyst finally switches job

After 4 years of false hopes of “onsite” from his manager, IT Analyst Vijay Kumar finally realized, on April Fools’ Day, that he had been fooled all these years. Without wasting more time, Vijay put his papers earlier today making it the best Monday of his career.

• 3 days before doomsday, IT professional quits job to live life
• IIM student gets Pre-Placement Offer of being Oil Minister by Reliance
• Walmart offers to buy Kingfisher Airlines, to sell it in its stores

5 kg lost around waist uploaded as 5 GB of photos on Facebook

Researchers have found the 5 kilograms of flab that 25-year-old Sapna had lost last month. Those 5 kg have been turned into 5 GB of high-resolution taken-by-DSLR photos, which are currently occupying space on Facebook servers.

Billionaires shocked that middle class idiots can’t appreciate inflation

India’s leading CEOs, market analysts, and other randomly rich persons have expressed shock and disbelief at the childish behavior of the middle class of India, which has been endlessly cribbing over the bold steps taken by the government like slashing subsidy on LPG and Diesel.

• S&P downgrades Humans, Monkey declared God’s best creation
• GDP growth rate of 5.3% to be called “Anna rate of growth”
• NRI uncles back in demand as Dollar reaches record levels

Man gets life-changing idea, but continues timepass on internet

Ravi Kumar, an avid user of life-saving services like Twitter and Facebook, got a life-changing idea earlier today, but he preferred to pass time on Twitter and Facebook rather than acting on the idea.

Special Parliament session to finalize Title for Ravindra Jadeja

Of late, the all-rounder has been addressed by various titles – Sir, Lord, Superstar, Savior, King, Rajinikanth, et al. – which has made it highly confusing for the fans and authorities. Parliament will finalize one such title and settle the issue once and for all.

• Forgotten Bollywood hero trends his own RIP on Twitter to get into limelight
• India to send Vivek Oberoi into space
• Dhoble rescues youth watching Jackie Shroff’s maa-ki-aankh video