How can I get rid of her?

Hi Pagal,

I have a girlfriend with whom I’ve been going around for around three years now. She wants us to get married now but I want to wait for some more time. Frankly, I’ve got in touch with another girl recently and she has bigger boobs than my present girlfriend. This newer and bigger girl says she loves me and won’t mind marrying me.

So I was wondering how do I tell my older girlfriend about our relationship being over. Can you please help me Pagal?

(a brother from Chandigarh)

PP answers: Dear Brother,

I am actually ashamed to call you a brother. Should I call you bra-ther? I mean what the hell man! You want to dump your girlfriend because you could find another girl with bigger boobs? Yes, it’s not strange for men to be attracted to big boobs, but such things (dumping someone for having smaller breasts) are not yet acceptable in our society. This doesn’t even make sense.

I know crackpots like you think that just like homosexuality was accepted by society, your kind of sexuality would also be accepted because boob-berserks like you are larger in population than gays. But note the difference – you guys are ‘perverts’ not ‘peculiar’. So don’t even think that you can get away with crap like this.

And how would you have felt if your ‘smaller’ girlfriend dumped you for some guy with bigger tube? Will you take that kindly? And then brother, there is no end to this race. You can always find another girl with even bigger boobs, will you keep on dumping girls like this?

And if that logic doesn’t convince you and you are steadfast with your bigger-the-better ideology then let me warn you brother, it’s not even safe.

Big Boss is watching

Faking News has confirmed reports that the government is using big busted women to spy on suspicious characters, say terrorists, Maoists or workers of the opposition party. You would be shocked to know that the big boobs that you are currently attracted to could be just a sham to cover secret spying and prying tools.

Those big busts in you newer girlfriend could actually be containing hi-tech silicon chips that would record all your words and actions when you would be with her. Those nipples would have a secret mini webcam, a hidden camera you would be willingly exposing yourself to!  You don’t even know what you are getting into.

One night you would be all sloshed up and sharing your deepest secrets with her and some government officer will be watching, listening and recording all that stuff live and exclusive. He could as well put all those stuff on youtube and then Faking News will put them in Video Gallery. Do you want that to happen? You might be falling in a boobtrap. Careful brother.

(If something is bugging you and your life seems all fucked up, don’t worry, Ask Pagla! Send in your queries to askpagla@fakingnews.com and get solutions to all problems of your life)

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