New Delhi. Inspired by the varied variety of drawings of the male and female anatomy found across bathroom doors and walls of public establishments, the Ministry of Culture has decided to launch a scholarship program to bring all these toilet graffiti artists together and provide them a platform to display their finest works. The idea of the program came to Ministry officials after noticing the exquisitely drawn free flowing diagrams of penises, boobies and vulvas drawn in every bathroom of government run hotels, auditoriums and even the secretariat buildings.

Announcing the scheme, Ambika Soni, the Minister of Culture said, “It is indeed amazing that no previous government had launched a program to bring out India’s hidden artistic talent that starts developing during high schools itself. It was literally sitting right under our noses! These drawings not only show the impressive training and technique that has gone into creation of the masterpieces, but also the entrepreneurial spirit of Indians in general, with many including LIC agents leaving their phone numbers and business details behind.”

A toilet graffiti artist at work

On being asked how these artists will be tracked down the Minister said, “That is the easiest part. As I told, not only LIC agents, many artists leave their phone numbers next to the drawings of their girlfriend’s anatomy. For others, we will advertise in the major newspapers of the cities and ask these artists to come forward. We will then ask them to furnish the details of their drawing along with identity proofs. Then they would be asked to give a live demonstration of their work, which will be then checked by forensic experts especially flown from the USA with skill sets as impeccable as is shown in CSI: Miami”.

A team of 300 IAS officers, 500 consultants, 3000 clerical officials, 9000 local contractors, and various other volunteers will be identified to group together all toilet graffiti artists from different parts of the country. Ministry officials denied any case of overstaffing and termed it as a normal sized team given the scope of the project. Officials refused to divulge the cost of the project, but experts believe that the costs will run into thousands of crores of rupees.

Faking News asked the common citizens of India for their reaction on the government’s decision. Most people have expressed hope and excitement to finally meet the elusive painters, poets and slogan writers, who have amused them for years in toilets, elevators, corridors, corners, buses and other public places.

Faking News also contacted famous nude painter M.F. Hussain and asked him what he thought of the entire exercise. Hussain expressed his wholehearted support to the endeavor, “I am absolutely thrilled that the government is creating such a platform for artists who can look beyond clothes. The thing that excites me the most is that not only will famous artists be discovered but also great poets. The best poetry and art comes out when one has a sad social life. And given the sexual frustration and sad social lives of these people, it is inevitable that their art will take over the world.”

Possibly Related News:

1. Government launches mid-day snooze scheme for public offices
2. Catholic Church launches special condoms for special use
3. Idea faces criticism from other mobile operators over saving toilet paper
4. “Work from Toilet” scheme mooted for people with stomach problems
5. Supreme Court asks government to distribute rotting bureaucrats among startups