New Delhi. Enthused by the fact that the arrest of David Headley and Tahawwur Rana by the FBI allowed the government to leak offer something to the public and media after a year of Mumbai terror attacks, union cabinet is considering a proposal to allow FDI in domestic security. This would allow international intelligence and security agencies like FBI to buy stakes up to 74% in Indian security agencies like RAW, IB and NIA (National Investigation Agency).

“There was already 100% FDI in terrorist activities in the country and that’s why terrorists had always been more accurate and efficient than our police and intelligence agencies. But the recent leads by FBI on Headley-Rana have showed how foreign intelligence agencies can be of a great help to us. In such a situation, allowing FDI in domestic security seems a logical and welcome step.” Home Minister P Chidambaram said.

Indian intelligence agencies are trying their best to find out which two of these are terrorists

Chidambaram also claimed that the step will help the government raise vital funds from the disinvestment process that can be used for preparation of Commonwealth Games next year. Government is hoping to pass a bill to the same effect in coming winter session, but it might have to face political opposition. The alleged opposition party BJP has termed the decision as suicidal for the country.

“We are not against FDI, but this government is taking a wrong approach. When I’d become the Prime Minister, I would relook, redefine, and renegotiate the FDI terms and norms for domestic security.” Party leader L K Advani told Faking News as other party leaders sniggered at his back when he said “I’d become the Prime Minister”.

Communist parties were muted in their response even though they have traditionally opposed all kinds of FDI proposals. Experts believe that before announcing any formal stand on the issue, the leftist parties wanted to evaluate if Cuban and Chinese intelligence agencies like DGI and MSS had any chances of buying stakes in Indian intelligence agencies.

With opposition in disarray and confusion, domestic intelligence agencies and police departments are confident that the bill will be passed in the parliament and they could get fresh infusion of money through disinvestment. Although the money is supposed to go into government coffers, officials are just too excited over the prospects. Delhi Police has already started work on a red herring prospectus to attract highest bids from interested parties like NYPD. But local criminals are worried about the possibilities.

“I don’t know if we would be able to get parole for months and go to night clubs after Delhi Police is bought over by some foreign police. We had so good relations with our own police brethren and we knew where their hearts and minds were. Government is not doing a good thing.” Manu Sharma, a famous murderer expressed his concerns.

Common man on the street was a bit confused about the whole issue after an Indian TV news channel flashed the news that post foreign investment, local police departments would have blonde traffic police officers who would control traffic donning the attire of IPL cheerleaders. Blonde girls in skimpy clothes were shown for half an hour with Breaking News written on their thighs. People had no idea what was going around in the country.

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