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The complete report on the survey findings can be bought at your nearest news stand by winking at the vendor

New Delhi. Like a responsible media unit taking care of public ‘interest’, Faking News too has come up with a sex survey revealing the most secret and sensuous details of sex lives of the Indians. The survey has thrown many surprises and has helped understand the innermost desires of the Indian men and women. We bring to you some of the highlights and findings of The Great Indian Sex Survey.

• Contrary to the popular belief, there were no major differences between Hindu and Muslim ways of sex.
• The rich Indians valued sex highly, the poor thought it cheap.
• On an average this year, a married Indian couple had indulged in sex five times a week, two times out of which was with the consent of the wife. Trend was not too different even in the case of unmarried couples.
• Indian male was still stuck up with the number 362436 – that was the average number of times in a year when he thought about having sex with a female, mostly of the human species.
• Young Indians had no qualms establishing physical relationships with the opposite sex without any plans of getting married. They thought it no different than renting and living in an apartment without any plans of buying it.
• For sex related problems, most of the men still relied on Hashmi Dawakhana (Amroha), Sablok Clinic (Delhi) or Japani Tel (Japanese oil); rest of them denied having any problem whatsoever.
• Many Indian men thought that foreplay was a new rule introduced in the 20-20 cricket matches by ICC.
• Some men admitted popping in Viagra to improve performance, women thought it crazy to swallow.
• Young men found porn movies informative, young women found them weird and even funny at times.
• Many young women wondered why their boyfriends insisted on not taking off their stockings or footwear during sex.
• Indian women were still very secretive about oral sex, very few of them opened their mouth.
• Women continued to fake orgasms, and men sizes.
• It was found out that while in the western countries a man kissing the breasts was taken as a mark of respect by the woman, the Indian woman desired to be kissed on their asses to be conveyed that respect.
• The average duration of sexual intercourse was unknown, but everyone, especially the husband, claimed it to be higher than their neighbors.
• Many more couples were talking sex than before, but not amongst themselves.
• The favorite place by couples to have sex continued to be the bedroom, but the fantasy choices were varied – Parliament, Pakistan, Qutub Minar, on a boat, and on a railway berth – in that order.
• Gay sex had jumped 231445% from last year. Homosexuals were also seen as the most eager to take part in more of such surveys.
• Around 69% of the wives suspected their husbands of having an extra marital affair. 99% of the husbands suspected their wives of not trusting them enough.
• Cheating husbands were confident that their wives would forgive them for adultery as they didn’t have a choice.
• Cheating husbands were confident that their wives could not indulge in adultery as they didn’t have a choice.
• One night stands grew by over 78% over last year, mostly paid.

(The above survey was carried out in thirteen major cities in India and a total of 539 respondents were interviewed, out of which 289 were men and rest were women. 129 married couples were interviewed out of which… Do you really care about such statistics in such surveys?)

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