Bangalore. Approximately 72 hours after the discovery of a definitive cure for all forms of cancer, Dr Hari Kumar, Associate Professor of Biotechnology at the Indian Institute of Science (IISc), is still waiting for the mainstream media to broadcast the story. So far, none of the TV channels or newspapers have gotten around to reporting this completely non-controversial and quite bland news item, sources report.

The breakthrough came this Saturday evening, after Dr Kumar and his assistant Raj perfected the nano-device that identifies and selectively kills cancer cells after having toiled continuously since Friday morning in the lab. Unfortunately, IPL Commissioner Lalit Modi laid fresh allegations against unknown and unnamed people at the very same moment, diverting the media’s attention from all other, relatively mundane topics.

Indian Institute of Science was covered by media in December 2005 after a suspected terror attack

“I understand that the media has more important stories to cover with much higher TRP potential,” said Dr Kumar, in an understanding tone, flipping channels on his TV. “They’ll eventually get to it. Once they conclusively determine whether the Psychic Baba can actually talk to Re-born Pishachinis or not, they will have no choice but to talk about my device which is going to save a few crore lives every year.”

“We have confirmed the discovery several times over, while waiting for the press crews to arrive,” said IISc Director Dr V. Rajagopalan. “I’m quite sure our press note must have gotten misplaced among all the photos of Mayawati’s money garlands. Yes, that’s what must have happened.”

For the whole of Saturday night Dr Kumar avoided going to sleep, expecting the door bell to ring any moment. But then he realized these things take time, especially with khap panchayats meddling so much into people’s private affairs, and took a long, refreshing nap. When he woke up, his wife assured him that the channels were still covering the anniversary of the appearance of Ganeshji Shaped Like a Potato.

Taking a long view of things, Dr Kumar said, “I may get a Nobel Prize for this. But that won’t matter until we can definitively establish who can and can not garland a statue of Dr B R Ambedkar.”

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