Mumbai. A 30-year-old bhaiyya was detained here by alert MNS (Medical Notification Sena) workers on suspicion of spreading Malaria in the city. Santosh Kumar, a taxi-driver by profession, was seen coughing profusely and shadily loitering around a government hospital when the MNS workers laid siege over him. An undisclosed number, rumored to be running into millions, of plasmodium falciparum parasites were recovered from Santosh, who is still pleading innocent.
“Yes, traces of Malaria parasite have been found in his possession and we are investigating the matter further. We suspect it an act of illegal parasite trafficking.” said Dr. Raj Thackeray, an honorary physician and hardcore surgeon of Marathi Asmita Chikitsalay, who immediately referred the suspect to ICU (Immigrant Culling Unit) as soon as MNS workers brought Santosh to him.
Dr. Raj Thackeray showing one of the causes of Malaria
Dr. Thackeray had earlier alerted MNS workers to keep a tab on filthy and feverish bhaiyyas, whom he suspected to be spreading Malaria and Dengue in the city, following which MNS workers have been scanning the city looking for bhaiyyas with symptoms of Malaria.
“This guy was shivering under a blanket and coughing outside KEM Hospital when we caught the bastard.” informed Shishir Shinde, a local head of MNS, further informing that Santosh had tried to run away when he saw the alert MNS workers.
On his part, Santosh has denied any malafide intentions to spread Malaria in the city, though he agreed that he was pussyfooting outside the KEM Hospital when he was arrested by the MNS workers for appearing shady.
“I was not sure if I should get inside and how much will it cost me. I didn’t want to squander away the money that I had saved to send it to my family back in Champaran.” Santosh said, minutes before he was taken to the ICU.
Meanwhile editors at Wikipedia have complained that they witnessed vandalism from Mumbai IP addresses for the wiki entry on Malaria, with many users adding “Biharis” and “Bhaiyyas” under the “Causes” subtopic for the entry. At least a dozen IP addresses were banned till reports last came in.
MNS workers have denied any hand in this vandalism.
“We don’t indulge in online vandalism. Offline world gives us enough opportunity.” said Shishir Shinde, who also suspected the bhaiyyas of planning to spread plague in Mumbai after he spotted a few mice in the slums inhabited by migrants.
“Rats! They need to be culled.” he added.
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GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD
Brilliant satire. Unfortunately, the fact is that far too many patients indeed find easier to travel from remote places of UP to Mumbai’s hospitals in crowded general compartments. The fcuking bitch Bhen is busy building her statues rather than hospitals in UP, putting lot of pressure on Mumbai’s hospitals. This leaves only two options for the Mumbaikars- wait hopelessly to get the cot in govt hospital or die due to lack of treatment. Persoanlly, I could not get treatment for severe malaria in a govt hospital next door because majority of patients were indeed from UP. Ironic!
Rajesh it’s more ironic that even with a malaria, you were bothered to know the domiciles of those Being treated at the hospital
Even if all those being treated at the hospital were from UP, then what’s the problem.A citizen has the right to get himself treated at any hospital in the “country”. Unfortunately people like u & fucking dog Raj Thackeray do not even have remote idea about the concept of a country or a nation. I am afraid what will happen if people from other states adopt a same attitude towards marathis living in their own state….
While your point is well taken, I guess at least Rajesh (assuming that he is a Marathi) is not spreading hate like Raj Thackeray. After all lack of development in UP/Bihar and migration to cities are problems of the whole nation.
Anyway, the whole affair is saddening
Bikas my point is that we must stop looking at our fellow countryman as Biharis, marathis or any other regional or caste based identities.Remember even the countries who fought the bloodiest wars in history have become close allies today. There is European union…there is African union and many such groups made up of past enemies. It is frustrating to see that even after 60 long years, we could not make a peaceful Indian Union & still identify ourselves more with the state we live in rather than the country we live in….
Big B,
thanks for enlightening me about the concept of “country”. Hopefully your mates back in UP won;t like to be unwelcome guests in other places, whether Mumbai, Bangalore, Pune or anywhere else. Dude, people in these places do not place huge ‘local taxes’ through their noses just to see all the benefits ripped apart by the guests. The local hospitals are run by local taxes. Whereas our local taxes go in running the local civil services, you taxes go in building statues showing fingures to the entire country. Why the fuck you don;t demand a better government and facilities from your fucking local governemtn, rather than running away to other better run places? Why do your folks awalys take an easier route to run to a better place rather than improving your home? Jao ispar pahle apna dimaag lagao, uske baad contry/nation ki goli dena.
While migration is a perennial phenomenon – be it from Bihar to Bombay to Boston — it is an opportunity as well as a threat, depending on which side of the coin you are.
Yes, we want our cheap labor but not the squalor, poverty and a threat to our existence in our paradise.
While it is true that Malaria is carried by the parasitic malaria carried by the migrant labor, it grows simply because Mumbai can’t handle the dirt and sickness caused by these migrant labor.
It is fashionable to berate Raj n fight for these migrant labor like what shabana azmi and her ilk do sitting in their a/c homes, the blame lies over-whelmingly with the state goverments that do not create job opporunities for these migrants.
Rajesh , first let me clear the point……..i do not belong to either UP or Bihar & even never have visited these states but it really dosen’t matter to me. But i have lived in mumbai for some time & closely noticed the structure of society there. Hard fact is that in mumbai the so called, “local people” belong to the last strata of society along with these migrant laborers. Just look at the number of big Industrialists (mostly north Indians), almost all of them will be termed migrants as per the definitions laid by you people. Take a look at the professionals working there, most of the are from other states (mainly south India or Gujarat). In fact if you are living in Mumbai/Maharshtra it will not be difficult for u to notice these migrants are the bosses all around you & locals working as mere clerks or 4th class workers. But i guess u don’t live in mumbai & u yourself a parasite on some other Indian state. To beta……..agar guda hai to…….to kick out “all” the non marathis working in mumbai including all successful migrants, then only u would realize what the fuck you people are upto. I know…you won’t do that,,,,,,,,,u people are frustrated selectively with the Bihar & UP Migrants because u have to face competition from them for the clerk & labourer jobs……….Also, migration is a problem with every Indian city & is much more severe in cities like Delhi & Banglore …but they don’t put a blame for their failures on others…so be brave & accept the facts
And yes i am surely not a fan of mayawati or Lalu Prasad. I can talk about them in the same tone that i have used above……….but that would certainly not carry regional tagline…….
I thought you had some sense (refer to my earlier comment), but you are just an asshole. x-(
Bikas…..i certainly do not speak in the language that i have used above routinely……..but the problem is a person obsessed with his regional identity will not understand the point if i make it in my language( i tried once)…….
@BiG B – right, totally agree with you! Wish we Indians could just see each other as fellow Indians, but we are divided on laguage, caste and religious lines
All Indians are F**KING stupid. Thats the reason we became slaves of British. Fortunately, some good people sacrificed their lives and stupid Indians got freedom. Unfortunately, Indians didn’t learned from their mistakes and they are still fighting among themselees.
jai ho !
Big B you are so right!!
and I am so sick and tired of these marathi regionalists who think they live in california and other states (the ones they hate because they are better people then them) are like Africa, fact is Mumbai is a shit hole and the marathi manoos is as much to blame for it as anyone
RAJ I GUESS U R FROM KARNATAKA OR ANDHRA PRADESH . GO BACK TO U R STATER BEFORE SOMEONE KICKS U R ASS !
KARNATAKA AND A.P IS NOT SO DIFFERENT FROM BIHAR WHERE PEOPLE DIE OF HUNGER !
BASIC POINT IS WHY DONT U FIND JOBS IN U R PLACE WHY DO U FLOOD MUMBAI AS IT IS MUMBAI HAS NO PLACE TO LIVE ON TOP OF IT THIS MORE BURDEN OF NEW IMMIGRANTS .