Mumbai. In a major embarrassment for Commonwealth Games Organizing Committee Chairman Suresh Kalmadi, ICICI Prudential, one of the leading insurance companies of India, has refused to insure his bums even as the company expressed willingness to cover the same for Bollywood actor John Abraham.

According to reports, ICICI is willing to cover John’s bums for a whopping र 25 crores even though the Bollywood hunk had asked for र 10 crores only, but the insurance arm of the banking company has found the bums of Suresh Kalmadi just too risky and costly to put their money upon.

“I think nobody can save his ass now.” said one of the telemarketers of the company, who had called Union Finance Minister Pranab Mukherjee to sell him the latest insurance policy of the company – to insure one’s chair.

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“Pranab Da asked me to bugger off as he was quite confident that his chair was secured.” said the telemarketer on conditions of anonymity. “But it was me, who asked Kalmadi to bugger off, when he asked if our company could save his ass.” the telemarketer informed.

“Had he been Sharad Pawar, I’d have been running after him to sell the policy.” he added.

The office of Suresh Kalmadi refused to confirm the claims of the telemarketer, but confirmed that Mr. Kalmadi was looking for such a policy.

“Who cares about what a company like ICICI says? They would sell life insurance policies to CRPF personnel in Dantewada and home loans to bhaiyyas in Mumbai.” the personal assistant of Suresh Kalmadi said, adding, “Mr. Kalmadi would rather buy a policy from the party high command.”

Meanwhile the news of John Abraham’s bums being valued at र 25 crores by the insurance company has jolted Bollywood to the core. Sources inform that many other actors were now calling up banks to insure their body parts in an attempt to break this record by John.

“The race has especially got heated between Aamir and Shahrukh, both of whom are now desperately trying to inflate their bums (sic.).” industry analyst Taran Adarsh said.

Unconfirmed reports also suggest that ICICI has made John Abraham sign on dotted lines where scratching his own bums from now on has been identified as a breach of contract. John couldn’t be reached for comments.

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