New Delhi. IIPM, the leading business school of India – ahead of all IIMs and poised to be ahead of itself in a few years – has blamed Indian cricket captain MS Dhoni for poor placements of its MBA students this year. Professor Arindam Chaudhuri, the Dean of IIPM, has claimed that although its students with significant work experience were being ignored by institute’s own placement committee, Dhoni was to be blamed.
“Dhoni’s preference for younger players is causing our placecom chairman to unduly focus on students with no or lesser work experience, which has hurt our overall placement records,” Prof. Chaudhuri said.
Prof. Arindam Chaudhuri, IIPM Dean, sporting a young look.
When asked why was the Chairman of the Placement Committee following Dhoni’s preferences so blindly, Prof. Chaudhuri disclosed that it was an “accident” that took place during IIPM’s routine practice of daring to think beyond the IIMs.
“When IIM Ranchi announced that they were going to map Dhoni’s brain for a new course, we dared to think beyond them and decided to go for a one-to-one mapping with Dhoni’s brain,” Prof. Chaudhuri, also a best-selling author of management books, explained.
“Our placecom chairman volunteered to offer himself for brain mapping, and since then he had been thinking completely like Dhoni,” he said.
The self-made management guru further claimed that even Sachin’s inability to get his 100th century was due to poor placements, for which Dhoni should be blamed.
However, some IIPM students, on the conditions of anonymity, claim that the real reason why students with significant work experience were not getting placed was completely different.
“Placecom is trying all the tricks, but recruiters can’t believe that even after spending a few years in the industry, those students decided to opt for an MBA, that too from IIPM,” a student told Faking News, “Recruiters are willing to provide the benefit of doubt to students with no work experience, but not the same to those with significant work experience; that’s why poor placements.”
However, Prof. Arindam Chaudhuri has rubbished such claims and denied reports of rift between himself and his students.
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- IIPM appoints Poonam Pandey as their brand ambassador
Basics of Ponytail Management at IIPM – III
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In the third post on the Basics of Ponytail Management we will cover the fine art of creating and sustaining academic credentials as innovated by and practiced by Malay Chaudhuri of IIPM fame. As you know Malay Chaudhuri created world history by becoming the first person ever to get a masters and doctorate degree from an institution even before it was founded. This is not surprising as given his keen intellect he thought he could always create his own Berlin School of Economics later on with predated records to settle the matter, if someone asked uncomfortable questions. It was unfortunate that an institution called the Berlin School of Economics was indeed formed at a later date and this institution – given the natural stubborness of Germans – decided not to predate its history to include Malay Chaudhuri in its alumni ranks.
However, the basic principles of the Malay Chaudhuri method of creating academic credentials are still very powerful and are conveyed religiously to every IIPM student. Many practice sessions follow and all IIPM students are asked to create a blog in the name of IIPM to practice this fine art of creating academic credentials from the freely available hot air around the IIPM towers. Some enthusiastic students have created multiple single entry blogs to flood the blogosphere. Active efforts are on to now predate these blogs to create the impression that they were created over the entire lifetime of IIPM. IIPM is ofcourse cautioning these IIPM chickens to count these blogs carefully and make sure that they don’t predate them to dates before the birth of the internet as this may make these blogs somewhat unbelievable.
Basics of Ponytail Management at IIPM -IV
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“Dare to Dream Beyond the IIMs” is the motto of IIPM. The great depth and profound meaning hidden in this provocative slogan is conveyed to each and every IIPM student. In sheer power and weight, this slogan is as overpowering as the famous ponytailmotto “Count the Chickens Before they Hatch” or the less famous Robin Hood motto – “Rob the Rich and Give it to the Poor”.
IIPM students know that its easy to dream beyond the IIMs. After all the IIMs don’t advertise as much as IIPM. Every full page color IIPM advertisment in the national newspapers a powerful catalyst for IIPM student dreams while all IIM students have to look forward to is an drab annual quarter page announcement about the next CAT examination. The IIPM advertisements also walk the talk of their motto by being as daring as they possibly can. Advertising is about daring to create dreams as any IIPM student will tell you and IIPM advertisements are full of daring dreams. All sorts of daring content, such as daring academic credentials, daring degree names, daring course contents, daring acronyms, daring locations, daring essays, daring visiting faculty, daring AICTE and daring students to join IIPM is neatly packed into just one of two pages of a national newspaper.
IIPM students know that its easy to dream beyond the IIMs. All the eminent business school faculty in the world have at some time been within the sphere of influence of IIPM and have been setting of drenched dreams among IIPM students who are splashed by their cars as they enter or exit the IIPM campus. IIPM Delhi students are known to keep an outfit for each drenching as it may fetch a good price in the IIPM internal market – primarily in the IIPM satellite schools.
Reliable sources inform us that its the IIM students who under the influence of IIPM are now daring to dream beyond the IIMs. While imitation is the best form of flattery apparently IIPM will charge IIM students on a pay-per-dream basis. To improve revenues a few eye-candy photographs that have a IIM apeal within the advertisement would not be amiss.
Advances in Ponytail Management at IIPM – I
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In the first of the series on advances in ponytail management, we will explore the role and relevance of contact hours within the IIPM system. As you may have observed in the latest issue of the most widely circulated article in management history (the IIPM advertisement in all national dailies) written by the eminent Malay Chaudhuri, the IIPM program has as many as 1944 contact hours compared to just 1500 contact hours in the IIMs (and even lower contact hours in ISB). The higher number of contact hours at IIPM provides for more healthy and frequent contact between IIPM students and IIPM faculty (most of whom were IIPM students just a few contact hours ago), thus strengthing the alumni network of IIPM. Infact all alumni activities are counted as contact hours in IIPM since alumni = faculty and faculty=alumni in the IIPM system. IIPM believes in close and frequent contact between IIPM faculty and IIPM students. Infact the large number of contact hours enabled the most famous alumni of the IIPM system – Arindam Chaudhuri to contact his life partner who was, and continues to be, one his most frequently contacted students.
Advances in Ponytail Management at IIPM – II
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In the second post on advances in ponytail management we will share with you the placement process at IIPM. As you would know from all the full page newspaper advertisements, placements is given more importance by IIPM management than by IIPM students – quite unlike at the IIMs where it is usually the other way around. While placements are usually considered an unavoidable nuisance and distraction by IIM faculty, it is considered the reason for their existence by IIPM faculty. This is ofcourse not surprisng as most IIPM faculty are those IIPM alumni who could not get jobs during their placements and are therefore working as IIPM faculty. They are still trying to discover why they failed to get jobs on graduating from IIPM and they are conducting controlled experiments with current IIPM batches to discover what works in IIPM placements and what does not. Based on multiple regression of this data the IIPM faculty are establishing the determinants of placement performance so that in the future eventuality that all applicants cannot be offered a seat at IIPM, these determinants can be used to identify students who stand a fighting chance of getting placed. A sneak preview of this data has shown that high fees is a strong determinant of placement as it makes the student and his/her parents more desperate to get a job to repay the loan. IIPM placement cell has identified a classic mode of gaining brand names associations without paying for them. IIPM students are good at taking up jobs of lower level non-MBA tasks so that IIPM can mention the company in its advertisments while their students get paltry salaries.
Advances in Ponytail Management at IIPM – III
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The current bird flu crisis that has resulted in the culling of millions of chickens across the world has been examined with great interest at IIPM. As we all know, chickens are the favorite bird of Arindam Chaudhuri as he never tires in counting them before they hatch. He has also been instrumental in creating thousands of IIPM chickens through the IIPM system, who roam the world at large in a fruitless search for jobs before they find themselves culled by the IIPM system to decorate the exotic spread on the dining table of Ponytail himself. A prime example of the true blood chicken like character of IIPM chickens is in the case of the IIPM alumni who became a hostile witness (a strong legal word for what is essentially chickening out) in the Jessica murder case. Ponytail was so proud of the truly chicken like behavior exhibited by that IIPM alumni that he put his case as essential reading in every national daily in the country in true-to-form IIPM style. This seems be clear signs of the bird flu crisis likely to hit the IIPM chickens and the Indian government will soon have to take upon itself the task of culling all the IIPM chickens before they hatch out of IIPM.