UPA (season 2) government has completed three years in office and Prime Minister is celebrating this achievement by hosting a dinner tonight. All coalition partners and leaders are invited. Common citizens (aam aadmi) have not been invited as the government is on an austerity drive. However, the Prime Minister’s Office (PMO) has released a letter to the citizens of India on this occasion:
Our government has completed three years in office! This is a big achievement as many of you might not be having even an office. LOL! Okay, sorry, but we will create jobs soon.
See, we have already created jobs in the villages through NREGA. Yes, it’s called Mahatma Gandhi NREGA, but let’s first salute Sonia Gandhi’s leadership and Rahul Gandhi’s vision for making it possible.
Sonia Gandhi is trying her best to create jobs in towns and cities too, but the urban people are busy saying bad things about our government on Twitter and Facebook. This hurts us, especially Kapil Sibal, who suggested no jobs for the jobless trolls.
But we believe in forgetting and forgiving, like we have completely forgotten and forgiven A Raja’s deeds. So we’ll ensure that even Facebook and Twitter crowds benefit from the growth that we are experiencing.
No seriously, we are experiencing growth. Many of our Ministers, MPs, and MLAs have experienced exponential growth in their assets. Somehow aam aadmi has been left behind. We’ll ask Montek Singh Ahluwalia to visit US and make a plan on how aam aadmi can also experience this growth.
Yes, there have been a few scams here and there, but we have always condemned them. We want to punish the culprits, but the CBI gives them a clean chit and the courts set them free. That’s why we have reassessed our position and concluded that there were no scams and no losses. Kapil Sibal has the details.
Apart from those notional scams, I know you guys are a bit angry with rising prices and falling rupee. It’s simple economics. And since economics in not cartoon, and thus not yet removed for the NCERT textbooks, you can take out your school textbooks to understand this.
With rising demand, price rises.
So why the hell are you guys demanding so much?
No, we are not taking about demand for a Jan Lokpal, recovery of black money, or demand to have a free internet; those are silly ideas. We are talking about demand for goods for consumption.
Our calculations prove that an urban poor can survive on 32 rupees a day, but you guys are hell bent upon making this rich-poor divide really big by demanding more and more things to consume. Please be responsible citizens and don’t push inflation.
But wait, economics says that if you don’t spend too much, this could slow down the business and economy. Now this sucks. And this shows how difficult it is to form policies. That’s why we just follow polices set by others, like we did in the 2G case, and we don’t form new policies.
Anyway, we are having a party followed by dinner tonight to celebrate three years in office. If you can afford to cook dinner tonight, we hope you’d share the happiness with us, and if you can’t afford, don’t worry, you’d become accustomed to this in the next two years.
Jai Hind and Jai Ho!
Prime Minister’s Office.