Reports by Khamba
A journalist with CNN-IBN accidentally landed at Irom Sharmila’s fast after mistaking her for Sharmila Tagore, much to the embarrassment of journalists, activists and citizens at large. Irom Sharmila, who has been fasting for 10 years against the AFSPA powers act in Manipur, said she was happy with mainstream media’s new found attention towards issues of the North East but wished things were a bit organized.
First off, let me congratulate you for believing in the concept of marriage so much, that you were willing to come here and surrender your passport to the Hyderabad police. Let me also express my condolences for being tricked into thinking that Sania Mirza was a Pakistani citizen. I do want to take the time however, to give you a few pointers about life in general.
I’m pissed Sania. Pissed. For years I have tolerated your pathetic second round exits on court and not said anything in the spirit of feminism. For years I have not commented on the size of your ever increasing love handles brought on by copious amounts of biryani. For years I have heard you make an ass of yourself at press conferences and make incoherent excuses in a fake accent.
The Reserve Bank of India has announced scrapping the production of the One-Rupee coins and replacing it with Cadbury’s Éclair toffees instead. Speaking a day after announcing the GDP figures of the 2nd quarter of 2009, RBI Governor D Subbarao stated that he had been mulling this change since quite a few years; however the global recession had provided the perfect time to initiate this change.
In a unilateral confidence building measure aimed at easing tensions with rival India, Pakistani President Asif Ali Zardari announced the launch of the “RAW Mark” as the official seal of quality and standards for consumer products across Pakistan. This has been done apparently as a sign of reciprocity towards India, which has stamped every product with an “ISI Mark” since 1987 as the gold standard in quality and authenticity.
Inspired by the varied variety of drawings of the male and female anatomy found across bathroom doors and walls of public establishments, the Ministry of Culture has decided to launch a scholarship program to bring all these toilet graffiti artists together and provide them a platform to display their finest works. The idea of the program came to Ministry officials after noticing the exquisitely drawn free flowing diagrams of penises, boobies and vulvas drawn in every bathroom of government run hotels, auditoriums and even the secretariat buildings.
The Association of Random White Women in Bollywood has decided to go on strike to protest against alleged racial discrimination by the Indian filmmakers. The strike is being led by the Australian singer-actress Kylie Minogue, who has been allegedly accused by producers of Blue as being responsible for the movie’s lackluster performance on the box office. Kylie had made a special appearance in song titled Chiggy-Wiggy in Blue.