Reports by Simon
An automotive company in UP claims to have trumped Bajaj’s new quadricycle RE60. They have launched a car with an extra wheel on top and car calling it “Ulta Ultra”.
Following the injury sustained on the campaign trail by Pakistani celebrity-politician, Imran Khan, Congress is considering staging a similar accident to make Rahul Gandhi appear charismatic.
A new bank is tackling India’s flagging economic growth by harnessing India’s natural competitive advantage: corruption.
Owing to skyrocketing cutoffs for admission to Delhi University, a geneticist has isolated the gene for academic excellence, which will help students break the barrier of 100% marks in exams. Professor Mohan Bhatt successfully found the gene after ten years of collecting DNA samples from tea cups at JNU. Prof. Bhatt claims that genetically modified students will be able to score around 110% in board exams.
IMFL or “Indian Made Foreign Liquor” should be reclassified as “Indian made liquor” or something similar after an investigation found that foreigners could not recognize most domestically produced alcohol. A distinguished panel, assembled by Faking News after visiting a few Paharganj guesthouses, was given numerous “Indian made foreign liquors” to identify. However, many did not recognize what each liquor was “meant to be”.
Lifestyle and pornographic websites have begun replacing “filtered” words like “sex” with innocent words to stop their sites being blocked by office IT administrators. This was done after website administrators realized that they were losing a lot of potential traffic to some news and current affairs websites like timesofindia.com and rediff.com. Post the changes, many websites are experiencing increased hits and employees claim increased productivity.
After Indian intelligence agencies confirmed the presence of suspected Chinese military engineers in Pakistan occupied Kashmir (PoK), Faking News has found out the details of the secret mission these engineers are on. Using their famous “reverse engineering” method to create knock-off goods, the Chinese are trying to create a region like PoK near Arunachal Pradesh, some parts of which China has been claiming as “disputed territory”.
After Sachin Tendulkar successfully resolved the fight between Andrew Symonds and Harbhajan Singh, government has been thinking of making use of little master’s negotiating skills to the benefit of the larger society. As a first step towards that, center has asked Tendulkar to go to Chhattisgarh and settle the dispute between the government and the Naxals. Although Tendulkar is unsure of the whole idea, he has agreed to help.
Inspired by the media frenzy surrounding the killing of Osama Bin Laden, advisors to the Queen have suggested that Her Majesty may consider allowing an assassination attempt. A successful regicide would claw back some of the column inches and TV air time stolen from the Royal Wedding by Osama’s death. The Royal Wedding failed to capture the country’s imagination. Consequently, the Royal family badly needs a publicity boost and media attention.
New details and insights into Pakistan’s terror infrastructure and network are coming out each day after Osama Bin Laden’s killing. Latest reports say that terrorist groups operating from Pakistan have been offering “guided tour packages” to foreigners visiting the country. These packages, available at attractive rates, provide free protection to the customers from any possible violence from terror groups, and have been selling like hot cakes.