“This agreement is fair and will be binding on all political parties”, said Mr. Jaganmohan Reddy, announcing the conclusion of a day-long discussion that involved all 23 ruling families of Andhra Pradesh.

As per the details that have been announced thus far, the state will be divided into three states: Telangana, Rayalaseema, and Coastal Andhra Pradesh. Each state will have its own new capital city, and building the official buildings, roads, and metro systems for each city will require hundreds of billions of dollars of new contracts, which will be shared “fairly” amongst the 23 families.

For the first three years, each of the three main parties: Congress, TDP, and TRS will get to nominate one Chief Minister each, after which free and fair elections will be held in all three states. It is expected that all the city-building contracts would have been awarded by then. Jaganmohan Reddy also announced that he was dissolving his own recently formed political party. It is believed that in return, his companies will be given first choice of the new contracts to be awarded.

It was decided on purpose to keep the new map of Andhra Pradesh colorful to reflect the mood of the decision makers

Hyderabad will be carved out into a separate entity, which would become a multi-product SEZ owned by a consortium of Telugu Biddas (“sons of the soil”). The ownership of the consortium has not yet been announced, but it seems each of the 23 families would each be allocated 3% each, with a further 11% reserved for “political parties and party-members”.

20% would be offered to a global Private Equity fund or hedge fund, and bids are expected to be invited within three months. Amit Ambuja, Managing Director of hedge fund DE Claw, denied that he had been approached yet, but expressed keen interest in such a project.

While IT companies present in Hyderabad welcomed the development, saying that SEZ status would benefit them in their business, other companies were not quite so positive.

“If Hyderabad-based companies will only be allowed to export their services under the SEZ laws – what about the many businesses that serve customers from the rest of Andhra?” asked Mr. Tabrez Jalil, who runs a tractor dealership in Hyderabad targeting farmers from Telangana.

When this reporter addressed the same query to the Union Commerce Minister Anand Sharma, he initially denied that any export rules would be relaxed for the proposed SEZ, but later denied his denial.

“The scale of construction and related developmental challenges facing the three new states is truly monumental, and we should all help them in this hour of need”, he said, before muttering that he could only speak after “consulting with the High Command” and leaving for an important meeting.

But some Maoist sympathizers and activists have reassured “worried” businessmen like Mr. Jalil to wait a little till they declare independence from India. “They can start exporting their goods to us, we are fair in our dealings,” declared a Maoist leader with his face covered with a red colored cloth.

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Such pictures are expected to appear in mainstream media captioned as “in happier times”, whereas the brothers believe that their happier times would being after the split

When asked for further details, the source would only reveal this much, “Malvinder Mohan Singh and Shivinder Mohan Singh are two of the savviest businessmen in India. They got out of pharmaceuticals at just the right time, selling Ranbaxy to the Japanese at the top of the market. Then they got into hospitals and financial services, and those businesses are already worth a lot. However, what others do not realize is that they are always learning – they know that the Ambani brothers made most of their wealth after their split, not before! And they want to do the same”.

The source then revealed that they have recently hired a number of advisors who had also advised the Ambanis at the time of their split, who have helped them develop this top-secret roadmap:

1. Start with a single strong business with lots of cash flow e.g. Reliance / Ranbaxy.
2. Diversify the business into unrelated areas, making sure the companies have unclear holding structures and are incorporated in various jurisdictions.
3. Have a very acrimonious and public split. Preferably covered live on TV and reported by newspapers with various “insider accounts” and leaks of claims and lawsuits; remember that all publicity is good publicity.
4. Make sure no one gets to know the actual financial details of the split. If somebody tries to find out, claim that the settlement is private and the matter is sub-judice.
5. Create a few more companies, merge and divide companies randomly, carefully ‘realigning’ holdings so that minority and public shareholders are squeezed out, while each brother emerges with clear majority holdings in each company.
6. Do some IPOs, boost share prices, sell at the peak, short-sell, buy at the bottom
7. Repeat steps 5 and 6 a few times.
8. Decide to have an amicable settlement; merge again.

n.b. This reporter cannot vouch for the effectiveness of the method outlined above.

Adding fuel to the fire, KV Kamath and some senior lawyers from Amarchand Mangaldas were spotted entering the Religare Corporate office for an undisclosed project – regular readers will recall that these were the same advisors who worked on the Ambani split.

While their advisors are yet to work out the details, early indications are that Shivinder will keep the hospital businesses, while Malvinder will keep the financial services business. The large amount of cash generated by the Japanese sale will be left in the custody of their mother, to be provided to whichever part of the group will need expansion funding.

While this reporter couldn’t independently verify this, it appears that the rebranding of the group from ‘Fortis’ to ‘Religare’ was undertaken to prepare for the split. “They are simple men at heart – they figured if two groups called Reliance could be created, then two groups called Religare would also be successful”, said our source.

Unconfirmed reports say that inspired by Reliance ADA, the groups would be called Religare SMS and Religare MMS, though some insiders are worried that this may sound like they are entering the telecom sector.

Both Shivinder Mohan Singh and Malvinder Mohan Singh refused to comment for this article.

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“No, it’s not the result of absence of any scam, but an outcome of our observation that led to this success.” Telecommunications Minister A Raja said, referring to the huge revenue realization and the technological breakthrough.

A Raja thinking why he couldn’t solve the color riddle earlier, even though his party DMK had successfully offered color televisions to the voters

Talking exclusively to Faking News business reporter SK Wimwian, Mr. Raja went on to claim that this shall be one of UPA-II’s major contributions to many generations of aam aadmi’s.

Initially reluctant to divulge details to our reporter, Mr. Raja later opened up over tea and samosas, and let slip the fact that his Ministry had longed wondered over steps to graduate into 3G from 2G. However, the DOT’s think-tank had noticed that a few years back Hutch had changed its color from Orange to Pink, and its networks still continued to function normally.

This chance observation led the DOT to its intellectual breakthrough – namely, that all existing operators can be asked to select a shade other than VIBGYOR, thereby freeing up their original part of spectrum.

A senior DOT source speaking on the condition of anonymity also said that the issue over allocation of spectrum to the armed forces is being resolved in consultation with the Ministry of Defense. Apparently, the ministries were going to permanently allocate Black color to the defense forces, which was not only outside the normal VIBGYOR spectrum, but also very difficult for other countries to detect or intercept. A proposal to similarly allocate Grey to police and paramilitary forces would be discussed in due course, the source added.

DOT will soon release a press release listing the number of colors and respective operators.

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The service will be named Google Mox, a subtle pun on the ancient Sanskrit word ‘Moksh’ which means ‘Nirvana’ or liberation.

“Finally, we shall be able to free all the data buried deep inside humanity’s collective consciousness”, he added.

Google expects that this service will be a boon especially for those users who are forgetful – for instance, you will never again be at a loss to remember where you left your car keys, or which file contained the most updated version of the presentation for that critical meeting. It will also save millions of people from the embarrassment caused when you meet someone at a party and can’t remember where you had met them before.

Apparently, all you’ll have to do will be to ask yourself the question, and Google Mox will pop up with the right answer – all in the blink of an eye.

While Google Mox is expected to be a free service, Google didn’t rule out launching a paid version in future, which would allow users to not only search their own minds and souls, but those of others as well. Maybe men will finally know what women are thinking.

Mox Search, powered by Google, will be simple in interface, though complex in working

Most users contacted by Faking News couldn’t hide their excitement at this proposed development, but there were some voices of caution. “What if I have secrets I would like to keep buried deep within myself?” was a question raised by the noted mystic Mr Aishaaram Bapu.

Recognizing that some people may indeed want to protect their innermost thoughts, Google has pointed to the possibility of launching a premium Anti-Mox service that would prevent any data being accessed by external Mox-bots. Pricing has not been announced, though there is some speculation that it may be linked to the “value” of the thoughts that would be hidden. There is also a possibility that a new advertising-based revenue model may be established, where users will first have to watch a context-specific advertisement – inside their head – before they find the answer to the question they had asked.

The technology underlying the new service has been in development for the last three years in a secret underground bunker. The first step was to be able to provide input using brain waves – this proved to be a difficult task, but was actually proved way back in 2008 when scientists were able to use thought waves to move a virtual ‘avatar’. However, Google has gone much further, to the extent that the team of Mox developers now exclusively use thought waves for ordering food at their cafeteria.

The next step was to understand the way the mind and the soul save information, but this was a relatively easier task for Google’s crack engineers. They eventually decided that it didn’t matter how the data was organized, they could simply copy it all onto a separate server and reorganize it to make it searchable – the additional cost wasn’t much, especially since Google owns a bit too much storage space anyway.

Some voices of protest are already beginning to emerge.

“First they took over the world’s websites, then the books and libraries, and now the thoughts and minds of all of humanity would be copied onto their servers! This is too much to take – I call upon all nations to come together and stop Google before it goes too far”, said French President Nicholas Sarkozy.

Google’s Brin, however, differed – “It is preposterous to say that our intentions are not noble. After all, our motto is “Don’t be evil” – how can we possibly be evil?”

P.S. – This reporter was a bit disconcerted to realize Mr Brin was answering a question he had thought of asking but hadn’t actually asked at that point in the interview.

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“In fact, we strongly believe that we shall earn exactly Rs. 3,958 crores in the fourth quarter, and make an operating profit of Rs. 878 crores. Taking into account unexpected gains of Rs. 312 crores from sale of old handsets that were lying in the company’s godown, the company shall declare a profit before tax of Rs. 1190 crores for the fourth quarter.” said Sajnani. This is a 43% jump over the profits for the third quarter, which were also declared at the same time. The company had made a loss of Rs. 945 crores in the second quarter, for which results were declared last week.

The step by Reliance Telecommunications is expected to end recession, finally

Corporate observers were not sure how the Company’s board could declare the results with such confidence. Professor Nani Dholkivala of IIM Ahmedabad stated that he believed there was more to this than meets the eye, “How can they expect today what the ‘unexpected gains’ will be six months from now? Even my MBA students won’t make such an elementary error”.

However, Mr. Tarun Bannerjee of the Kolkata chapter of the Institute of Chartered Accountants of India, dismissed any such speculation, saying, “This is perfectly possible. Why, all these years all these companies have been paying advance tax and nobody said a thing – what’s the problem if one company declared Revenue and Profits in advance as well? Every CA knows that advance tax calculations are usually exactly right. After all, the management and the board have reasonable flexibility in these things.”

Stock market circles are still unsure how to deal with this announcement. The stock rose 13% in the morning but later retreated to its overnight price of Rs 42. Mr. Kumar Gadharba, leading stock market analyst from CNBC-Profit and Loss, had this to say, “This is unfair – if all this information is routinely disclosed to all investors so far in advance, then analysts like myself will have no role left!”

The SEBI Chairman refused to comment, saying that his office was still studying the announcement. “However, prima facie it appears to be OK because the information was disclosed to all investors at the same time, and no insider trading seems to have occurred.”

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This completely ruined a carefully hatched plan where the Indian team had decided to give Bangladesh a lead of about 150 runs, which would have allowed Gambhir to get a century and equal Don Bradman’s record of scoring centuries in six consecutive test matches. Gambhir had gotten out on 68 in the first innings and looked like he had missed his chance to equal the record there.

Sehwag is seen here complaining to Dhoni as Zaheer went berserk and started taking Bangladeshi wickets one after another

Readers might recall that there was an acrimonious decision to drop Amit Mishra (from the Sehwag camp) and replace him with Pragyan Ojha. Sehwag had apparently threatened to withdraw from the upcoming South African series unless Dhoni made amends. Our sources told us that Dhoni then offered to help Gambhir (also from Sehwag camp) get his record, and in this way patch up his relationship with Viru. The plan also had the blessings of Sachin and Kirsten, who both well understood the importance of records and milestones.

“It was quite obvious that something was afoot yesterday, when the Indian team allowed us to score freely, and Tamim made the most of the situation”, said Bangladesh captain Shakib al Hasan after the match. Ishant Sharma, who also plays for Delhi, went to the extent of not bowling a single wicket-taking delivery in his 15 overs, though a critic unkindly said that this was not a deliberate act and was just a reflection of how he was bowling these days.

Substitute Amit Mishra dropped an easy catch, and the fielders collectively helped Bangladesh (and Gambhir) along with a number of misfields and overthrows. All was going according to plan, until Zaheer went rogue and played spoil-sport.

Zaheer Khan, who was wearing a back brace during the match, was supposed to only bowl looseners, but it seems he lost his head and went for wickets – it now appears certain that he will be reprimanded and may even be dropped for the next few matches, even though he was awarded “Man of the Match” today.

Critics believe that it might be a case of cricketers straying off from hatched plans for the love of the game, as had happened with Herschelle Gibbs when he played a good knock for the kick of it, despite having agreed earlier to underperform in that match.

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