Bangalore. The proactive manager Kaamchor Kaalia of Exploitation Unlimited has now devised an innovative way of keeping employees pacified after the performance appraisal.
He told in the annual meet, “We are not that ruthless as our employees think about us. We have a humane side as well which feels pain of our employees. Till last year it was only peanuts but this year we introduced a lot of variety in peanuts like Masala peanuts, Jeera peanuts, and Sing Bhujia.”
“The employees receiving rating ‘Poor’ would receive no peanuts as we feel that they do not deserve it. They would be laid off the next year if their ratings do not improve. Their reporting managers would be thoroughly rewarded for rating them “Poor” and adhering to the policies of Exploitation Unlimited,” he added.
“Employees under the rating “Needs improvement” would receive a packet of stale peanuts and a tube of ‘Itchguard’ as they are the ones who rather than worrying about their appraisals feel the itch if somebody else gets a good rating. We do not want them to be uncomfortable with their itches. Tube of ‘Itchguard’ would definitely take care of that,” he said with confidence.
“The people receiving ‘Meets expectations’ would receive Masala peanuts along with a small tube of ‘Moov’ to relieve the pain due to extreme hardwork. The people receiving Masala peanuts can use the peanut as chakhna if they somehow manage to buy some beer paying large EMIs,” he clarified.
“The people receiving ‘Exceeds expectations’ would receive flavoured Sing Bhujia along with a big tube of ‘Moov’ and ‘Volini’ spray. Have you people ever heard of a master giving ‘Moov’ and ‘Volini’ to his mule to ease up the pain? We are the first ones, as I told earlier we are not completely heartless,” he pointed out.
“But the reporting managers of employees receiving ‘Exceeds expectations’ rating would be fired for setting up realistic expectations. It is only possible to exceed expectation if expectations are lower. We do not want any manager who is not capable of setting up expectations and targets which are achievable,” concluded the manager.