Monday, 6th April, 2020


Fake Walmart store discovered in Ulhasnagar during anti-FDI protests

30, Nov 2011 By Ashfaque Anees

Mumbai. In an astonishing discovery, a totally fake desi Walmart store was uncovered at Ulhasnagar, an “enterprising” suburb of Mumbai.

In an irony of fate, the fake store was discovered by BJP workers who had actually gone to tear it down thinking it to be the American version. The black flags turned white with shock when they discovered that the desi Walmart belonged to the USA – not the United States of America but the Ulhasnagar Sindhi Association.

Fake Walmart store
One of the fake Walmart shops that totally confused the anti-FDI protestors

Coincidentally the founder of the desi Walmart is our desi Sam Walton – Sameer Wassan, president of a breakaway faction of the USA (Ulhasnagar Sindhi Association). Further shocking was when Sameer revealed that the desi Walmart was indeed started by FDI.

“No no, not Foreign Direct Investment,” he clarified. The FDI in question was Footpath Dealers of India, a breakaway faction of the USA that sold goods on the footpath.

Sam (Sameer, as he is locally known) clarified that the FDI (Footpath Dealers of India) members were repeatedly bullied by the Kirana shops to vacate the footpaths, after which they formed the desi Walmart to teach the bullies a lesson.

“Actually the credit goes to my son Chota Wassan (no phonetic matches please),” said a gleeful Sam Wassan, “It was he who googled for Jobs when he was kicked out of his footpath space. The word Jobs was mistaken for Steve Jobs and the search led him to the ‘fake Apple Stores in China’, and lo and behold, the seeds of the desi Walmart were sown in Ulhasnagar!”

When asked if he wasn’t bothered by a backlash from the real Walmart that could open its store in India post FDI (Foreign Direct Investment), Sam casually shrugged the concern: “No Way! In fact, our sourcing is so cheap that we have a proposal from the real Walmart to supply them goods once they set foot in India.”

Meanwhile the red faced BJP workers still maintain that they weren’t fooled as the desi Walmart did affect the business of Kirana shops, however, they returned silently for the fear of losing the footpath vote bank.

An equally confused Congress has asked the Prime Minister to comment on the issue, and hence we guess we won’t be hearing from them for some time.

As for the desi fake Walmart, it goes on unhindered just like the average Indian – FDI or no FDI.

(written by @Ashfaque_Anees)