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Home loan scheme launched allowing a borrower to pay it back over seven births

29, Jan 2014 By idiot420

Mumbai. With home loan EMIs set to rise after RBI hiked the repo-rate, Infinite Bank of India has introduced a new home loan – Saat Janam Bharenge Hum (SJBH) – where a borrower has the flexibility and luxury of repaying the loan amount over a period of seven births.

Not that
Not a problem anymore

The new scheme has brought huge relief to middle class and lower middle class, who have been facing tough and tragic times in buying new home in cities like Mumbai, thanks to perennially rising cost of real estate and periodically rising rates of interest.

“Our new scheme will help people to realize their dream in this birth only by distributing their risk and worries over various births,” Chairman of Infinite Bank of India explained the benefits of the latest scheme.

“Our society has always believed in reincarnation, but we are the first one to spot the business opportunities it offers,” he added.

“For example, to buy an affordable 2BHK flat in Mumbai, you may take a loan of 2 crore rupees, which means an EMI of Rs 2 lakh per month for 20 years. However, one is not sure of earning that much for 20 years, so people don’t take loans. Our scheme not only brings down the EMI due to much longer period of loan, it also does away with the need to earn so much for a long period of time. In fact, it does away with the need for being alive for that long!” the Chairman made the sales pitch.

Infinite Bank of India officials told Faking News that earlier they were planning to launch a home loan that can be paid by seven generations, but they thought it was unfair to the posterity of the loan taker.

“We can’t punish someone for the deeds of others. We believe in karma, and the basic ideology of reincarnation i.e. your deeds in previous birth follow you in the subsequent birth,” the bank official explained.

The most complicated and miraculous part of the loan scheme is Bank’s way of tracking a dead person’s soul, to keep a check on his/her next life.

Chief Spiritual Officer of the bank, Mr. Atma Dharmatma tried to explain how it works.

“We have found a way to find the weight of soul of a person. We have also found that every loan adds to this weight. We are going to structure our EMIs in a way that this creates a unique weight on soul of a person, as unique as fingertips. This way, we will track the soul even if it changes body in various births,” Dharmatma said.

Bank has also prepared itself to handle unwanted situations, such as a loan taker becoming a chicken or a mosquito or any other animal in the next birth.

“If they become chicken in their next birth, our recovery will sell them to KFC, and if they become mosquito, we will find and kill them to accelerate the next life,” disclosed a Bank insider.

While the bank is hopeful that its latest scheme will sell like hot cakes, analysts say that instead of helping people pay back their loans, this will increase the number of loan defaults.

“People will be so scared of the loan and EMIs that they might not take the next birth at all i.e. they’ll become ghosts,” a financial analyst warned.