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Jaitley all set to announce Rs. 30,000 Crore package for celebrating cricket victories against Pakistan

29, Feb 2016 By Beer & Biryani

New Delhi: Finance minister Arun Jaitley is all set to announce a whopping Rs. 30000 Crore special package for celebrating victories against arch-rivals Pakistan in Cricket.

Arun jaitley
Arun Jaitley trying to conjure up money for Cricket celebrations

Cricket is the most popular game in India and Pakistan and any victory over Pakistan is celebrated more enthusiastically than any other festival in the country. Taking note of this, Arun Jaitley has decided to support these celebrations.

As per sources, this is the latest move by the government to push more nationalist feeling among general population as victories over arch rivals Pakistan are a source of great pride for Indians.

Speaking to Faking News, Jaitley said, “It is high time we invest some of country’s wealth in channelizing the minds of misguided youth and ignite the right kind of passion for betterment of the nation. To start off with, a special package of Rs. 30,000 Crores will be declared to celebrate India’s victories against Pakistan. Youngsters indulging in Anti-Nationalist activities will be provided this money and asked to celebrate Indian victories.”

“Cracker allowance will be non-taxable subject to proof submission. One can even declare 1 champagne bottle per month under victory allowance”, said Arun Jaitley as he refused to leak the information on other items falling under victory allowances.

When we asked Mr Jaitley how he will fund this allowance, he smiled and replied,”I haven’t run out of things to raise excise on, have I? Oil is also still low so maybe I will start with that again.”

As per our sources, pub and restaurant owners have asked the government for insurance for property damage that might occur if India loses to Pakistan. The loss through broken TV screens and beer mugs sometimes runs into Crores if it is a particularly crucial match.

Meanwhile, JNU students have accused the government of trying to buy their loyalty and have told Mr Jaitley that they will refuse this allowance. However, they refused to give up their stipend or subsidized accommodation in protest.