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Leaked: Netflix plans to capture Indian market

07, Jan 2016 By Sandeep Kadian

Netflix Inc., American company providing on demand Internet streaming media, has officially announced its entry into India and 130 other markets in Asia, the Middle East, and Europe. Looking at the huge size of Indian market, Netflix is planning some exclusive deals and local strategies to attract as many viewers as they can.

Netflix management team had a long meeting to discuss what India specific strategies they can adopt. After the meeting, a document listing minutes of meeting was prepared.

Netflix & Chill, Ab Bharat me bhi uplabdh
Netflix & Chill, Ab Bharat me bhi uplabdh

This document has been leaked and accessed exclusively by Faking News and the list of issues decided is reproduced below.

  1. Partnership with Tinder to provide “Netflix & chill” service in India.

The world famous slang “Netflix & chill” can finally be used in India but looking at the number of forever alones in India, we aren’t too confident that people will have someone to “chill” with. SO we must partner with Tinder India office to set these guys up.

  1. Exclusive deal with AAP for all their press conferences.

A daily soap featuring AAP Press conferences. Minimal investment and maximum returns. This can be a mystery series as well, who will get accused in the press conference today.

  1. Provide a free subscription to Maargdarshak Mandal.

They are free and have plenty of time on their hands to browse our library. In LK Advani, they have a very good film reviewer as well. Use their influence to promote ourselves.

  1. Get rights for Rahul Gandhi’s interaction with students and his vacation videos, if any.

Rahul’s interactions with students are blockbuster material. Sign a deal to get exclusive rights to all such interactions. If possible, get a contract to film his vacations as well for regular material.

  1. Introduction of special family packs where they get group discount if everyone on a family tree registers.

Everything from internet to biscuits are being sold in India using family emotions. We must integrate that in our promotions as well and bring in special discounted family packs

  1. Highlight in advertisements that Netflix is a saas-bahu free zone

India is a country where every TV show, from the ones featuring modern day life to historical series like Jodha-Akbar, turns into a Saas-Bahu saga. The country is crying out for some variety and we will guarantee that variety.

  1. File CID under comedy, Crime Patrol under Travel show and Saavdhaan India under adult categories.

TV Shows in India can be confusing. While all of them call themselves crime shows, must realize difference between shows like CID (A Comedy), Crime Patrol (Show about Anoop Soni’s walking) and Saavdhaan India (A show on adultery)

  1. Tie up with Indian Parliament to get exclusive rights for all the fights and adjournments

Indian Parliament produces the most dramatic arguments and fights. Get them on board to fight competition from other reality shows like Bigg Boss.

  1. Never let Pahlaj Nihalani get access to Netflix. Be on the safe side, block every Pahlaj from registering.

If Mr Nihalani ever sees our shows, he will reduce them from 1 hour episodes to 1 minute episodes. Must never let that happen. Block him whenever he registers. Even better, disconnect his broadband connection somehow.

  10. Change the Red background for people accessing Netflix in Bengal.

Different parts have different sensitivities in India. Red is a bright colour for most but for West Bengal Government, Red is a taboo. We risk getting blocked in the state of Bengal if we persist with this Red background.