Mumbai. Happy with their rising net worth, onions have promised to drop their eye irritation feature once they reach the elusive figure of Rs 100/kg.
“We make people cry whenever they chop us, it is a symbolic gesture expressing our unhappiness against their barbarism,” said a grownup onion, “But when our price will touch the mark of Rs 100/kg, people will already be crying so we’d drop this feature and not add to their miseries.”
“It will also be a symbolic gesture expressing our happiness at our increased worth,” the onion added.
The announcement by the onions has left the society divided. Those who are resistant to eye irritations caused by onions, are increasing pressure on the government to bring down the onion price, while those who hate onions for this eye-irritation feature want the price to shoot up.
“Onion is showing its true colors now. Who knew they would be such a polarizing and divisive figure?” Union Minister Kapil Sibal said, “This proves that onions are with the BJP and the government is not responsible for price rise.”
Sibal further claimed that onions were wrong in changing the nature of their business without necessary government approvals. He argued that an onion that doesn’t cause irritation to eyes was a luxury, and the government should be imposing luxury tax on onions when it reaches the Rs 100 per kg mark.
While the politics on onions is still shaping up, experts say that the announcement by onions will have a far reaching impact on the Indian society.
“Onions are sick of being an add-on vegetable. This is a conspiracy to evolve into a mainstream vegetable like cauliflower, and later into fruits,” an expert told Faking News.
“In future when their price will get close to export quality apples and other expensive fruits, they may also refuse to grow in soil and want to grow on trees,” he predicted.
“It will have a far reaching impact, the Jain community will be in dilemma if they should start eating onions,” the expert explained.
When contacted, onions refused that they had any grand plan. They blamed the human beings for ascribing ulterior motives to their simple gesture.
“We are different from human beings,” an onion said, “When the net worth of the human being grows, he becomes an irritant to the eye, while we want to stop being irritant to the eye when our net worth grows.”