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Archive for the Category ‘Culture’

No fun, no colors, no celebrations this Holi for this asshole

No fun, no colors, no celebrations this Holi for this asshole

At a time when almost the whole nation is submerged in Holi revelry, an unadulterated asshole in a one-room flat here quietly refuses to take part in the celebrations owing to his self-imposed ban on such traditional festivals. Kiljoy Borekar believes that festivals like Holi are meaningless in the modern times and must be shelved by the humanity. Kiljoy claims that he had stopped celebrating festivals when he was just 3.

AMU forms committee to write manual for having sex on campus

AMU forms committee to write manual for having sex on campus

After suspending a professor for being gay, Aligarh Muslim University has formed a high-level committee to compile a set of dos and don’ts for having sex on the university campus. The committee will submit their report, and a set of handbooks, by the end of this month, containing detailed description of acceptable and commendable sexual behavior by students, faculty and other members of the AMU society.

Cupid recalls millions of defective lovers ahead of Valentine’s Day

Cupid recalls millions of defective lovers ahead of Valentine’s Day

Cupid, the leading global manufacturer of lovers and beautiful people, has decided to recall millions of defective pieces that were offloaded on to Earth in the recent years. The decision was taken after a series of complaints were received from Earth dwellers, who expressed complete dissatisfaction with the performance of these lovers. Eros and Kaamdev too have given their consent to the decision, making it unanimous.

Man files for divorce after spotting cheating wife on Google Earth

Man files for divorce after spotting cheating wife on Google Earth

A man has filed a case for divorce after he claimed that he saw pictures of his wife cuddling up to a stranger on Google Earth. The man, Shaqqi Usman, was searching for directions to a girls’ hostel on Google Earth Pro, when he spotted the satellite images of his wife Wafaa Usman in the arms of an unidentified man. Shaqqi claims that the images were a clear and crucial proof of his wife’s adulterous character.

Single man goes into depression as Valentine’s Week begin

Single man goes into depression as Valentine’s Week begin

Pramod Malik, 29, has gone into a sullen mood after he received a spate of SMSes from Vodafone urging him to celebrate Valentine’s Week, even though Pramod has been consistently single since he moved to a boys-only high school when he was thirteen years old. Pramod has not been talking to anyone since today morning and even skipped his day at work today. Friends fear that Pramod has gone into depression.

Castes in Bihar impatient to know how fast their GDP grew

Castes in Bihar impatient to know how fast their GDP grew

In the past few days, various castes in Bihar have been impatient to find out how fast their GDP grew in the last fiscal year. Such demands have been on rise after the state government declared that Bihar’s GDP grew by 11.44% in 2008-2009, making it one of the fastest growing states of India. But the castes in Bihar are more eager to know which has been the fastest growing caste.

Sheila and Kumar go to Supreme Court over civic manners

Sheila and Kumar go to Supreme Court over civic manners

The campaign to teach manners to Delhi residents ahead of the Commonwealth Games seems to have run into rough weather with the “Kumars” of Delhi filing a petition in the Supreme Court against the Delhi government for showing them in bad light. The Delhi government had recently announced a campaign called “Thu Thu Kumar, Su Su Kumar or Poly auntie?” to discourage people from making the city dirty.

Zoo animals still shocked why thousands of people came to see them

Zoo animals still shocked why thousands of people came to see them

Animals of Sanjay Gandhi Botanical and Zoological Garden, also known as Patna Zoo, have been left confused for the last couple of days as more than 25,000 people turned up to see them on the New Year’s Day. Even though this event has now become an annual affair over the years in the city, it seems that the animals still have not become accustomed to it.

Corrupt bureaucrat plays joker card, all jokers come out in support

Corrupt bureaucrat plays joker card, all jokers come out in support

“I am being targeted because I am a joker.” This accusation by tainted IAS officer Vidushak Varma was enough to get all the jokers of India rally behind him in support. Varma, who is a secretary in the road construction department and works voluntarily as a part-time joker for Ajanta Circus, has been accused of siphoning off 2.38 crore rupees from the national highway development fund.

Scientists at MTV decode genes that make a person dumb

Scientists at MTV decode genes that make a person dumb

Researchers and genetic engineers at MTV have claimed to have decoded human genes that make a person downright dumb and a terrible jackass. After around thirteen years of extensive research taken up in India, the MTV scientists are now confident of raising a thoroughbred dumb generation, which they are planning to term as Gen-Du, with the Gen being pronounced as Jhan (not Gun) and Du being pronounced as Do (as in Do the Dew).

Blog of Pagal Patrakar
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