Faking News » Research

Engineers surviving only on chai-sutta inspire study for a new fuel

Guest Patrakar — Thu, 15 Sep 2011 07:57:22 +0000

Chennai. In an exciting development, a group of IIT Madras PhD students have been given permission to study the possibility of a revolutionary fuel. The fuel being talked about here is a mixture of tobacco and tea, which has helped hundreds of engineering students survive on the campus without any apparent intake of regular meals. The fuel, if successfully developed, will solve India’s energy problems by the year 2020.

The head of the group that will be leading this path-breaking research, Mr. Aurobitto Randomchatterjee recollects from his memory, “I remember two of us were sitting outside the Gopal tea stall near the Krishna Gate at 4 in the morning, when the idea was born. We realized that many students in the campus have been functioning very well living on tea and suttas (sic). We wondered if that was the secret of their energy.”

The evergreen fuel on engineering campuses

His companion, Sathieeshh Sutputanathan continues, “Especially, after the introduction of A-Diet Express as the lone caterer in the mess, most people have spent days solely on tea and suttas, and have still been doing very well in their academics and research. In fact, most of the surveyed students have mentioned an increased performance. So, we decided to propose this research topic and the IC&SR (Insti Chai & Sutta Ration) replied to us within a week saying they had even found a sponsor!”

The research group revealed that ITC (Indian Tobacco Company) has already pledged a million dollars to IIT Madras for this research. While it may appear as corporate support to academic research, sources confirm that ITC is looking to boost up their profits through this mean.

“If the proposed fuel gets commercialized, ITC can additionally charge every student walking on the road for being a fuel-powered vehicle apart from tobacco-smoking mortal; the money thus collected is expected to break their current record for cigarette sales,” a member of the research group revealed, “In fact, ITC even considering opening ‘fuel pumps’ like the current petrol pumps to sell the fuel powered by tobacco and tea.”

One of the prominent procurers of cigarettes for the group says that going was not so easy, “It was very difficult convincing the committee on our proposal. But we had done our homework this time. We showed them how the trends of the price hikes of common fuels such as Petrol, Diesel and LPG matched with those of popular cigarette brands. We also showed them data on the efficiency of tea and sutta consumers over time compared to the data from when they ate mess food.”

The news of the proposed research has taken the at IIT Madras campus by storm. Students from the departments of Civil Engineering, Naval Architecture, and Engineering Design have applied to join the researching group. When asked what their motivation behind joining such an ambitious project was, over 99.99% responded saying they had nothing better to do.

The research work will officially begin from next Monday and if the fuel is successfully developed, India could become the leading energy exporter by 2020. This has given rise to fears that the government could soon take over the research project from ITC and nationalize the chai-sutta fuel, licenses for which could be auctioned later like the 2G spectrum.

(adapted version of a report written by Abhishek Vyas and originally published on the Faking News Facebook page of IIT Madras)

Rats living inside Parliament premises lose hearing sensation

Pagal Patrakar — Tue, 09 Aug 2011 15:35:26 +0000

New Delhi. AIIMS doctors have found that rats (rodents, not human beings) living in the Parliament have been suffering from hearing loss. The shocking truth was discovered by a group of AIIMS doctors who had been testing an antidepressant drug on animals for its efficacy. The drug is being tested for human beings as doctors feel that a lot of Indians could go into depression in near future.

“We played a ‘meow meow’ sound clip to a group of rats to fill them with anxiety and depression, so that we could administer drug dosage to them and find out how the respond,” Dr. Nirbhay Chopra informed, “While majority of the rats were indeed terrified and went into depression, a small group of three rats continued making merry and eating cheese balls.”

A rat that was found to be deaf but capable enough to protect his own interest

AIIMS doctors then segregated those rats and tried to play the sound of cat’s meow once again, but there was no response. Finally Dr. Chopra appeared before them wearing a cat’s mask (actually Shera mask, the mascot of CWG, which he had bought for his little son last year), and the rats ran helter-skelter consequently.

“Clearly they could see but couldn’t hear,” Dr. Chopra concluded, “The rats were almost deaf. We found more deaf rats in our subsequent tests and finally looked into our records to solve this mystery.”

To his amusement and horror, Dr. Chopra found out that all the rats, which had gone deaf, were caught near the Parliament premises during the last week.

“In fact, they have been living under Lok Sabha or Rajya Sabha floors,” Dr. Chopra claimed, “We later found what looked like chunks of Lokpal Bill and Women’s Reservation Bill along with bread crumbs from the mousetraps in which they were delivered to our lab.”

Doctors are still researching the causes of what might have caused the rats to go deaf. Two theories have been doing the round – either the rats couldn’t sustain the high decibels of daily slogan shouting that MPs indulged in, or they inherited the characteristics of MPs after eating their leftover food from the parliament canteen.

“They can see everything around, but they don’t seem to hear or react,” Dr. Chopra explained.

Contractor discovers water soluble tar that will remove roads between potholes

Pagalam Ritam — Tue, 02 Aug 2011 06:54:24 +0000

Mumbai. A road contractor cum amateur scientist from Mulund named Ram Gopal Brrrma has reportedly discovered a 100% water soluble tar for building roads. The breakthrough, which has the potential to change the roadmap of future India, also promises to resolve the recurrent pothole problems during the rainy season.

Mr. Brrrma fondly calls this project ‘Ram Gopal BrrrMaan Ki Road’. “My years of experiments with the Indian roads have finally bore fruits. I fill like running around my roads stark naked and shout EuRekha EuMadhuri EuSridevi”, said a euphoric Mr. Brrrma.

“The roads built with this tar will be completely washed off during monsoons; thereby eradicating the root cause of potholes – the roads. No roads, no potholes,” said Mr. Brrrma, “And that’s not all, since the road needs to be rebuilt every time, the citizens will get a fresh road each year and feel that the government is working round the year for them.”

“They might go slow on demand for a Lokpal as a result,” he announced, under thunderous applause from BMC officials and state leaders who were present at the press conference where the maverick scientist cum contractor revealed his invention.

The chemical reaction that led to the invention of 100% water soluble tar

Mr. Brrrma claims that the raw materials that were used in creating the tar are abundantly available in India: “If you observe the design equation closely you can see the Swadeshi thought process at work.”

The humble contractor dedicated his success to Roadies – a reality show on MTV that showcases youth power of India. “My passion for roads took me to Roadies audition. Even though I was kicked out, but the pothole free heads of the judges gave me the initial idea of pothole free roads,” he claimed.

Mr. Brrrma claims that at worst a person can slip on the roads made by his water soluble tar, but he will never fall in a pothole.

“Just like completely bald head is better than a balding head with patches of hair, I realized that a completely concrete-less road would be better than roads with patches of concretes, which cause potholes to appear,” Mr. Brrrma explained the rationale to Faking News correspondent.

The state government has officially refused to comment about this, but presence of state leaders during Mr. Brrrma’s press conference confirmed that the leaders were quite excited about the immense economic opportunity that this invention promises.

“I wish the materials used in this tar were also used in making the Adarsh Housing Society building,” Congress leader Ashok Chavan said, “By now, the building would have been gone just like the files.”

The opposition has also clarified that they will not object unless the future roads were found incapable to hold a Rath, or a Nitin Gadkari, or a Nitin Gadkari in a Rath.

Only concern has come from a part of aam aadmi, mostly men, who are afraid that henceforth passing quick urine near the roadside might get riskier, for the urine water could remove a part of the road thus causing potholes to reappear.

Sociologists debate if “Love” should be called “Sex giving”

Pagal Patrakar — Sat, 27 Nov 2010 15:04:02 +0000

New Delhi. After watching hundreds of hours of video footage of television programs like Emotional Attyachaar and MTV Splitsvilla, a group of sociologists have recommended that “love” should hereafter be termed as a “sex giving” in the modern parlance, especially in India. This is a marked departure from earlier practice where “sex” was referred to as “love making” by authors and thinkers.

“Well, that’s how it sounds right in the modern times,” Kapil Vats, one of the sociologists, who was now suffering from severe headache and depression, argued. “I watched all those tapes, and sex seemed to be the only yardstick for measuring trust or betrayal in a relationship what they termed as love,” he pointed out.

Sociologists fear that if the terminology was not corrected soon, such behavior (as seen on TV) could be misunderstood as "love making" by the future generations

Kapil, along with a group of five sociologists and psychoanalysts, have concluded that the most of the current “lovers” were actually sex providers to each other.

“At best some were cash providers as well, but there didn’t seem to be any other need for each other’s presence in their lives,” Kapil added as he called for commentators to start using the term “sex giving”.

The recommendations have set off a heated debated in the academic as well as erotic circles of the country.

While some puritans have argued that the term love had much wider and deeper meaning and it shouldn’t be tied to just sex, others have welcomed it as a “correction” that needed to be made much earlier.

“Absolutely must step! Imagine the jump in search engine visits it would have if I replaced love with sex everywhere,” an SEO expert working with a leading newspaper’s website told Faking News.

The contestants of Emotional Attyachaar and MTV Splitsvilla refused to comment on the development until they were paid a basic fee to do the same and bonus for slapping and abusing each other.

Hindi “does not exist”, reveals foreign student living in Delhi

Simon — Thu, 04 Nov 2010 13:00:47 +0000

New Delhi. Still reeling from the discovery of fake coaching centers ripping off students, North Delhi’s reputation as an educational hub received a further blow yesterday. In a statement given to Faking News in a bar at 1AM, foreign student Tom Creighton revealed that, whilst his Hindi language course was real enough, the language itself was “fake”.

“It’s just made up on the spot,” he announced, “no one actually speaks Hindi, it’s not a real language, they just make these funny words to confuse foreigners and, I’ll tell you one thing, when we say the exact same word they laugh and then say the same thing back to us. They say things like “it’s not a ‘g’, it’s a ‘g’”, when everyone knows there’s only one letter ‘g’.”

Despite having spoken to around twenty locals that day using the “Hindi” he had learned, Creighton was unable to make himself understood, which he cited as further evidence for the “massive piss take”.

Many foreigners have been trying to learn Hindi through various means

Creighton went on to theorize that Indians all speak English when foreigners are not around, only bringing out the “Big Hindi Joke” when a firangi comes within earshot. If a foreigner asks for something “loudly and repeatedly” in English, people will eventually get tired of the joke, or someone “not in on the scam” turns up and speaks English.

Asked to account for the long history of literature, philosophy and poetry in Hindi, the existence of Sanskrit, a large amount of philological work and around 400m speakers, Creighton cited history, “The British first arrived here in the 16^th century,” he said, “so they’ve had a lot of time to work on this one.”

Bengali, Punjabi, Tamil and other major languages are merely regional variations on the “laugh”, he explained, spilling his seventh beer, “India is a big place, so you can’t get everyone to speak the same jibber-jabber when they see a white person, everyone gives it their own spin.”

Whilst he did not have a problem with people speaking a foreign language, it would be a far more efficient solution if all foreigners “spoke the same foreign language”, he said.

Faking News bought another round of drinks and inquired about devanagari. “It’s very pretty, all those squiggles,” he divulged, “great for tattoos and tie-dye t-shirts, but doesn’t actually mean anything… that’s why there are so many illiterate people here.”

The non-existence of Hindi has come as a shock to the aam aadmi. “No wonder I’ve never earned much,” said Suresh, sitting in his auto, “I’ve been making no sense for all these years. Funny, it always made sense to me.”

Faking News contacted the government and asked what language would replace the newly redundant Hindi. After rejecting our reporter’s recommendation (Klingon), the spokesman asked, “Who is this student person? What’s his address and his visa number?”

Accusations of this type are not unique. In a survey carried out in 2005, 98% of Englishmen thought that the Welsh language didn’t really exist and last year a survey showed that 68% of Punjabis thought Malayalam was a type of vegetable.

Mathematics and Biology textbooks made us prejudiced, research claims

Pagal Patrakar — Mon, 05 Apr 2010 11:14:58 +0000

New Delhi. “If a log can be broken by a man in 3 days, by a woman in 4 days and by a child in 7 days, how many logs can be broken by 4 men and 3 women together in 2 days?” while most of us might have hated answering such questions in our high schools, a researcher has found that such questions actually make us prejudiced and has argued for their removal from the textbooks.

“What are we teaching the young generation? Why should a woman be portrayed as taking more time than a man for performing a task? That is why we see prejudices against women at workplaces.” argues Prashant Adheer, the researcher, who has studied hundreds of textbooks prescribed by various state governments and is leading an effort to bring about the required changes in them.

In the course of his rigorous research work, Prashant claims to have come across numerous such examples in various Mathematics textbooks, which he blames for the current prejudices existing in the society. He believes there is a larger conspiracy by people in power to propagate these prejudices.

Seemingly innocuous references like these could actually be poisonous to young minds

“Nothing is coincidental or without purpose, in fact everything is political in nature.” Prashant strongly believes. “Why do you think politicians had no problems in granting the Right to Education to the citizens? They are trying to further their causes in the name of education through such textbooks.”

This is not for the first time when textbooks have become the center of any controversy. Earlier, some groups had found fault with History and Social Studies textbooks on such lines, but this is for the first time that someone has found fault with science stream textbooks for creating a prejudiced society.

Apart from Mathematics, which may not be considered as a pure science stream subject by many puritans, Prashant also finds fault with various Biology textbooks. He finds ‘profiling’ of species ‘unacceptable’.

“The other day I was reading this textbook that read – parrot likes fruits and nuts and loves to reside in places surrounded by trees – and I was like, wow, really? I mean who are we to say what a parrot likes and loves? Did someone ask any parrot? A child grows up reading such stuff and he starts generalizing about other communities in the same way. You know, like, a Bihari loves to reside in Mumbai, a Muslim likes to eat cow, and stuff like these.” Prashant points out what he calls “poisonous” contents in the textbooks.

Prashant has formed an NGO called Sachcha Shodh to create awareness and demand changes in these textbooks. Currently he plans to solicit funds from people and organizations that believe in liberty, equality, minority rights, feminism, human rights, democracy, tribal rights, freedom of speech, etc.

Believers go on rampage as researchers declare G-spot mythical

Pagal Patrakar — Tue, 05 Jan 2010 10:30:56 +0000

London, UK. Hundreds of men and women believing in the existence of Gräfenberg Spot, an erogenous zone in the vaginal area of women better known as the G-spot, have been out in the streets destroying public property, after scientists at The King’s College London declared it a myth. The protestors are angry over the findings and have asked the scientists to expunge the findings from all scientific journals.

“This is outrageous. We have sincerely believed in the existence of G-spot for centuries, and millions of people around the world have personally experienced it, yet these guys had the audacity to declare it a myth. What crap!” said one of the protestors as she threw a bottle of beer at the British police, who struggled hard to keep the protestors away from entering the premises of King’s College.

This picture has got nothing to do with G-spot

But the researchers at King’s College are standing by their findings and are accusing the protestors of being some sort of “sexual fundamentalists”. Researchers claim that all the scientists, who ever claimed to have found any proof of existence of G-spot at any time, were “pseudo-scientists”.

Such arguments have failed to impress the protestors, who claim that the research was funded by anti-G-spot lobby that was rich and powerful. They sense a conspiracy behind the research.

“There is a clear pattern. Whenever they fail to find or experience something, they declare it a myth. They did it with God, they did it with Greek history, they did it with the Gay disorder, and now they have done it with G-spot. There is definitely a clear pattern. They also seem to be G-phobic,” said Graham Gooch, one of the protestors.

Protestors warn that all the men, women and groups, which have some “G” element in them, would be systematically targeted by such scientists and their beliefs and value systems would be declared a myth. A unity call among all such entities has been issued.

“We are all sailing in the same boat. We are all under attack. Today we are being targeted tomorrow it could be the Green activists, or the Goat staring men, or even the Game theorists. We have to find the G element. A common string binds us,” said one the protestors, hastily adding, “No, it’s not the G-string.”

Research proves that women tend to feel safer among aliens

Pagal Patrakar — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 07:50:29 +0000

Chandigarh. A team of physical, chemical, biological, mathematical and social scientists have concluded that women tend to feel safer among aliens. It was also discovered that this feeling of safety among women was directly proportional to the degree of foreignness of creatures around them e.g. a normal woman felt safer in the company of aliens (from the outer world) as compared to being with men (from earth) and an Indian woman felt safer in the company of European men as compared to being with Indian men.

The man in this picture caused more insecurity to women than the alien

The research argues that the above phenomenon is a result of the atomic structure of the amino acids found in the red blood cells of women. Scientists performed a nonlinear multivariate regression analysis on the above factors to come up with the relationship between feeling of safety and foreignness.

The observed trend, where a man, belonging to the same ethnic class as the woman, was likely to go scot free after committing a crime against the woman, was also picked up for mention by the scientists, and the researchers felt that this trend could also be the reason behind a woman feeling safer in the company of aliens rather than her own men.

“If a Muslim man, or for that matter a Hindu, a Dalit, a Tamil, etc. man, was to rape a woman of his own community, perhaps not even an FIR would be registered. But if he raped a woman from another community, news headlines would be made and he could be arrested, in fact even a riot could take place to avenge the honor of the woman community. The assured guarantee of lesser punishment causes men to commit crimes against women of their own communities, and this causes women to feel insecure among their own men.” one of the researchers explained.

The research and its conclusions are causing a lot of debate in various quarters. Representatives of religious and caste based groups have denounced the findings, and have trashed the research as ‘a conspiracy by other communities to run away with their women’. These groups have expressed confidence that their women won’t be able to run free.

Language and clothing were developed by prehistoric gays

Pagal Patrakar — Thu, 08 Oct 2009 07:30:30 +0000

Cambridge, England. The discovery of the oldest human skeleton, nicknamed “Ardi”, has started throwing various insights into the way humans evolved over ages. After concluding that humans started walking on two feet for food and sex, scientists are now convinced that it was sex only that inspired early humans to develop a language and wear clothes. The surprising findings have been published in the latest edition of the prestigious Science journal.

“Humans didn’t have the luxuries of language or clothes back then, but they enjoyed pleasures of food and sex. Food was not big a problem due to limited population, but the same did prove a problem for sex. Men, who were physically strong and could maul and defeat others in bloody fights, were the ones who possessed all the women, while others were forced to turn gay,” read the article in the journal, suggesting that homosexuality was as old as humanity, another striking discovery by the scientists.

Skeletons in the cupboard

Scientists believe that not all of the ancient men, who were forced to turn gays, especially enjoyed being gay. Some of them started thinking of ways to change the state of affairs, and that’s how the idea of language and clothes was born.

“The unwilling gays felt that if they could find different ways of attracting women, other than having a physically strong body, they could also enjoy the pleasures of sex. After centuries of trials and errors, these set of men discovered that women were attracted to strange sounds and floral patterns. These men too tried making innovative sounds and putting some patterns on their body, which slowly evolved respectively into languages and clothing,” the article further elaborated.

Slowly these unwilling gays could start attracting women, with a few of them running away with wives/mistresses of physically stronger cavemen. As ages passed, the newer generations felt it much more convenient to win women through clothes and words than through bloody fights. Human society had finally accepted language and clothes.

“Funnily, the society is yet to finally accept the gays,” the article in the journal pointed out. Ardi lived in the present day Ethiopia around 4.4 million years ago and is currently in shape of fossil.

The findings have received mixed reactions with gays welcoming the findings as a proof of their legitimacy, while poets and writers have trashed the report calling it ‘laughable’. Some fashion designers, who are also gay, have refused to comment over the article, saying only scientists should discuss such ‘complex’ issues.

“This is ridiculous. I’m feeling so insignificant. I used to think human beings were superior to other animals but it seems all it mattered to us was food and sex. Even this language is a result of that. I can feel my dog mocking at me.” Ankit, a thirteen-year-old boy reacted after he came to know about the findings.

Men talking loud on mobile during movies have smaller penises

Pagal Patrakar — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 21:08:41 +0000

Mumbai. A research conducted by National Institute of Corporeal Endowments (NICE) has found out that men, who tend to talk loudly on their mobile phones during screening of movies in a multiplex or during staging of a play in a theatre, have smaller than average penises. The research was conducted on a group of 500 uncouth and boorish people in the metropolitans, who volunteered without caring to know the hypothesis of the research.

“We just asked them if they would like to volunteer for a research that would involve measuring their private parts, and most of them readily agreed without asking for further details. Hence our findings also indicate that such men, in all probabilities, either suffer from moronic delirium or delusions of grandeur.” NICE president Freud Mukund said.

Writing on the wall

Although NICE people have data to confirm the relationship between size of penis and talking-on-mobile habits, the exact cause of such a relationship remains elusive. There is no apparent reason why should such kind of mobile phone usage shorten the size of one’s penis or why should the penile size of someone affect his mobile phone usage habits. But a lot of theories have been put forward. NICE researches believe that sexual jealousy is the moot cause of such behavior.

“People with shorter penis are short on confidence in public life and they keep on doing stuff to attract public attention. In fact many a times they are jealous of ‘longer’ people and just want to harass them. Such an attitude causes them to start using the mobile phones in real obtrusive and offensive manner.” Frieda Sigmundo, a NICE researcher postulated.

The findings have been received largely positively by the psychoanalysts and sexologists, but sociologists warn of increased tensions in the society following the findings. They point out that even without these findings, there had been skirmishes in the past with one guy being shot for talking during the screening of Benjamin Button movie in the USA.

“The society has a tendency to mock at people who have unusual sexual orientations or abilities. See what happens to gays. Such findings would only provide ammunition to the majority to laugh at these poor souls. I guess such research findings should not be made public and must be confined to academic class.” leading sociologist British Kandy opined.

The report is silent about women or children talking loudly during movies.

Most Indian wives still starving themselves to punish husbands

Pagal Patrakar — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 09:48:08 +0000

New Delhi. A research conducted by Faking News has proved that most married women in India refuse to take food when they are angry with their husbands. Several reasons and explanations were given by different sets of women for such behavior, but none of them thought it was impractical. The findings have shocked most forward looking men and women as the practice was supposed to be an outdated one.

“Each time I feel my country is on the path of modernity and progress, such news hits me out of blue. I was shocked to learn that even educated and working women in metros were among those who follow this disgusting practice. No wonder women are never treated equally in India.” Madhu Chidchida, a women’s rights activist said.

But not all among those, who refuse to take food when angry with their husbands, think that the practice denigrates women or is inimical to women’s liberation.

“Let me tell you a secret. I only feign not taking food till he is awake. He goes to sleep early as I also refuse him sex out of anger. He can’t force me as he would already be under the guilt that I was hungry due to him. Once he goes in slumber, coiled like a snake, I sneak into the kitchen to take my food, if I am not on a diet on that particular day. Trust me, it hurts him more than me, and he’s back on track the next day.” a married woman revealed on conditions of anonymity.

Some things Indian women don’t eat when angry

Research showed that not more than 9.78% of women followed the above strategy. Furthermore this particular strategy was fraught with risks as many times husbands didn’t leave any food for their wives at all. They either ate up everything or threw the remaining food in the dustbin after asking their wives for one last time.

Research also showed that a considerable proportion of women genuinely believed that they were hurting their husbands by not taking food themselves. They argued that they actually didn’t feel like eating when they were upset with their husbands and believed that their husbands would feel guilty of keeping them hungry. But most of them agreed that after a few years they ended up realizing that it had not changed a thing. Unfortunately by then it was too late for them to change their habits.

Our research also questioned a few men, who thought women were being funny by not taking food ‘at the drop of hat’.

“It’s ridiculous. Each time they go to sleep in grumpy mood without taking food, I don’t know what they want to prove. They cook the food and they let it go waste. Initially I did feel bad (about food getting wasted) but then I realized it was a daily drama. Furthermore they tend to get fat after marriage, so I guess it won’t hurt them if they didn’t take food on some days. Ha ha ha (smart ass laughter).” Amsey P Kumar, a man married for over five years now, said.

Research proves Yeti was a bureaucrat

Pagal Patrakar — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 16:49:01 +0000

Garo Hills, Meghalaya. Local scientists have confirmed that the legendary stories about spotting of Yeti (also known as the Bigfoot or the Snowman) were not completely mythical in nature. A five-year long research by the scientists has concluded that Yeti actually existed and continues to exist. The most striking part of the research is that it rejects the notion that Yeti was some beast, arguing that Yeti was actually a human being – a modern day bureaucrat.

Arey Diwano, Mujhe Pehchano!

“Unlike other folklores that date back to medieval ages or even to prehistoric times, Yeti’s stories were not heard before 19th century. This made us believe that Yeti was a product of modern era when democratic political systems and modern nation-states emerged. This is how we got the hypothesis for our research.” Maanav Himija, one of the scientists said.

The researchers found many similarities between a modern day bureaucrat and the legendary Yeti. Both of them visited hilly and remote areas populated by underprivileged sections of society, but once in a blue moon. Both were deemed powerful by the locals, who were under awe of their enormous powers. Both earned their livelihood by taking away the resources of the locals.

“We progressively got convinced that Yeti was the name given to the elusive bureaucrat by locals in these areas. Generations over generation people added some hearsay to the appearance and character of the elusive bureaucrat and he became the legendary Yeti. You can’t really blame the locals for this.” Maanav Himija explained the conclusions of the research.

Although the bureaucracy and the government dismissed the report as being ‘frivolous, the researchers got a shot in their arm when leading cartoonist of India, Pran Kumar Sharma, startlingly disclosed that his famous cartoon character “Sabu ” (from the Chacha Chaudhary series) was actually inspired form “Babu”, a Hindi slang for a bureaucrat.

The Public Servant

For the uninitiated, Sabu is a twenty feet tall (who increases his flab size whenever he wants) pet giant of Chacha Chaudhary. He originally belongs to Jupiter and eats a lot of food, which often causes Chacha’s domestic budget to go haywire, attracting nagging criticism from Chachi, the wife of Chacha Chaudhary. Sabu acts and does some work only when Chacha Chaudhary is in deep shit trouble, else he sleeps peacefully in normal times.

“I must admit that I had modeled Sabu on a bureaucrat, a rather friendly and active bureaucrat. You can very easily see that all his characteristics matches so well with those in bureaucracy. And now you are telling me about this research. I’m not at all surprised that Yeti was also a bureaucrat. These scientists have done a good job and must be congratulated.” cartoonist Pran told Faking News.