Faking News » Politics

Fresh petition against Chidambaram accusing him of “intelligence failure” in 2G scam

Pagal Patrakar — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 06:46:37 +0000

New Delhi. Janta Party chief Subramanian Swamy has filed a fresh petition against P Chidambaram as a part of his mission to get the Former Finance minister in jail for his alleged role in the 2G spectrum allocation scam. This time Swamy has accused Chidambaram of “intelligence failure” in the scam that led to losses to the national exchequer.

Swamy took this step after a special CBI court ruled that Chidambaram was acting “innocently” in the 2G scam case when he agreed to fix the spectrum prices at 2001 rates in 2008 and allowed dilution of equity by two companies.

Chidambaram showing the size of his brain

“There is clearly an intelligence failure if an MBA from Harvard University can’t foresee that something was amiss in such decisions,” Swamy claimed, “If he was not acting with mala-fide intentions, as has been observed by the court, he was surely acting without thinking.”

Swamy, who is an advocate like Chidambaram, claims that this was intelligence failure on the part of the then Finance Minister that led to financial losses to the nation.

“It is similar to intelligence failure by security agencies that leads to terrorist attacks, and thus the act needs to be identified as a punishable by law,” Swamy argued.

However, P Chidambaram seems least bothered about the latest salvo by Swamy. The former Finance Minister and the current Home Minister agreed that he failed to see that Raja was up to some mischief, but denied that it was any intelligence failure.

“I have said it many times and I repeat it – having no intelligence is not intelligence failure,” Chidambaram reiterated.

Congress too has supported Chidambaram’s stand.

“If there was any intelligence failure on anyone’s part, it was by the NDA government that didn’t have intelligence to frame the right policies,” Kapil Sibal said, “We just followed those non-intelligent policies.”

Kapil Sibal blames Britishers for loot, Congress just followed the policy

Pagal Patrakar — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 20:40:10 +0000

New Delhi. Union Minister Kapil Sibal has blamed the British rulers of the pre-Independence era for the massive loot of country’s wealth, which has resulted in unequal distribution of resources among the citizens of India. However, Sibal didn’t categorically term this “loot” as any “crime” or “corruption” as the Supreme Court had not passed any explicit verdict condemning the loot, which has been going on ever since India got independence.

Sibal was reacting to the criticism by various commentators who claim that the governance in India has not changed much ever since the Britishers left. Many laws framed during the British era are still in place and so is the mindset of those who are in power.

Kapil Sibal blaming someone when the microphone started malfunctioning during the press conference

“Gore angrez chale gaye aur kaale angrez aa gaye” (black Englishmen have replaced the white Englishmen after Independence) was one of the comments left by a person called Anna Hazare, which had led to the criticism.

While the original commentator couldn’t dwell upon his theory, various other experts agreed that the basic system and idea of governance has remained the same as was put in place by the British rulers – which was aimed at welfare of the principals rather than welfare of the subjects.

“We are just following the policy that was set up by our predecessors,” Kapil Sibal defended the outlook of the governments after independence, most of which were formed by the Congress party.

When asked if the government didn’t find the policy set by the British rulers unjust, Sibal almost blamed the founding fathers of the nation.

“We retained much of the British system of governance, including a substantial part of the constitution,” Sibal pointed out.

“No, Jawaharlal Nehru can’t be blamed for that,” he clarified, giving clean chit to the first Prime Minister of India.

The Union Minister said that the government would stop following the British rulers’ policies only if the Supreme Court passed an order declaring those policies unfair and flawed. In absence of any such ruling, the government will continue to follow the old policies, which many term as “loot”.

“You may term it as loot, but this is just notional,” Mr. Sibal said with a heavy tone and heavier eye-brow, “There is zero loss as the wealth is not going outside India, definitely not to England. Our Queen is no longer in London, but in Delhi.”

“President Pratibha Patil! Not Sonia Gandhi,” Sibal clarified to a question put by Faking News reporter.

Mayawati’s missing shoes were thrown at Rahul Gandhi

Pagal Patrakar — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 15:10:29 +0000

Dehradun. The shoe thrown at Rahul Gandhi during a public rally here has been found to be belonging to Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister Kumari Mayawati. The shoes were actually sandals, which had gone missing two years ago after they arrived in India in a special empty jet from London. Police has launched an inquiry into how the sandals landed into the hands of the shoe thrower Ramdin, who happens to be a local shopkeeper.

“The shoe thrower has been charged on two counts – violence and theft,” local police inspector Dhiren Dadwal informed, “We suspect that Ramdin is a thief who stole the sandals of Mayawatiji, which had caused a major administrative crisis in the state at that time.”

Mayawati showing the number of shoes Rahul Gandhi has now

Sources tell Faking News that Mayawati had suspended at least four IAS officers after the sandals went missing two years ago. A massive shoe-hunt was also launched but the Uttar Pradesh police couldn’t locate the sandals.

“Now we know that the sandals had been smuggled out of the state into neighboring Uttrakhand,” a suspended IAS officer concluded and blamed Ramdin for setback to his professional career.

Having attempted physical assault on Rahul Gandhi and stolen personal belongings of Mayawati, Ramdin has now become the most wanted criminal in the country. CBI, Delhi police, Uttar Pradesh police, and Uttrakhand police are all fighting for his custody.

Meanwhile politics has broken out over the incident with Congress accusing Mayawati of having amassed benaami sandals all over the country worth billions of rupees.

“This is a bigger scam than the 2G scam or the CWG scam and must be investigated,” Uttar Pradesh Congress chief Rita Bahuguna Joshi said. She also thanked Rahul Gandhi for forgiving Ramdin and demanded Bharat Ratna for the young leader.

But Mayawati is least amused. She has not only rubbished Congress’ charges, but went on to accuse Rahul Gandhi of having stolen her sandals.

“I don’t blame Ramdin, it’s the yuvraaj who has my sandals now, and he has possessed it illegally” Mayawati claimed, “He had even said, ‘ek aur phenko’ (give one more to me) when one shoe was thrown at him, which clearly shows that he wants to take away my things.”

Rahul Gandhi to judge MasterChef Uttar Pradesh by eating food at contestants’ homes

Pagal Patrakar — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 11:41:40 +0000

Lucknow. Congress has come up with a master strategy for campaigning during the Uttar Pradesh assembly elections that is aimed at impressing both the rural as well as the urban voters of the state. The party has roped in television channel Star Plus to start an Uttar Pradesh edition of the cooking game show MasterChef, which will see party leader Rahul Gandhi as the star judge.

“There will be a little change in the format of the show,” Uday Shankar, a Star Plus representative told Faking News, “Instead of contestants coming to our studios, our judges will go to their homes and taste food there. They will even spend a night there if the contestants are from a particular community.”

“Contestants can cook in an environment that they are most comfortable with, and we believe this can bring out the best in them,” Uday justified the changed format of the show.

Rahul Gandhi has prior experience of eating food at homes, and that’s why the format of the show was changed to make sure that his taste buds were in the most active state.

While Star Plus denies that the show is aimed at promoting Congress, channel sources conceded that the idea was originally proposed to them by the party.

“We don’t want to get into political aspects of it; we liked the idea and we agreed to it, simple,” Uday claimed.

“It might help Rahul Gandhi, but then the earlier episodes of MasterChef could have helped Akshay Kumar too. But did anyone complain then?” he defended channel’s decision.

The new episodes will go live next week with Rahul Gandhi visiting a dalit contestant’s home in the first episode. He’d be spending a night there and will be accompanied by two other judges, identities of whom have not been disclosed yet.

In earlier editions of MasterChef, the other judges, apart from Akshay Kumar, were fulltime professional chefs. Sources claim that in the Uttar Pradesh edition, one of the “chefs” could be Digvijay Singh. Star Plus too didn’t rule out this possibility.

“Digvijay Singh is fond of cooking,” Uday Shankar claimed, “Brains, conspiracy theories, and allegations are some of the delicacies he cooks with aplomb. He can judge a cooking show. You shouldn’t be surprised.”

When contacted for comments, Digvijay Singh refused to deny or confirm his participation, but he made it clear that he didn’t like any food that was cooked by RSS hands. He refused to explain what he meant by “RSS hand”.

With assembly elections in the state less than a month away, the announcement has expectedly raised political temperatures. BJP has claimed that the third judge will be Manmohan Singh, who’d taste food and pronounce his judgment by just nodding or shaking his head.

“And guess what, even his silent preferences will be overturned by the chief judge Rahul Gandhi,” BJP alleged and demanded the resignation of Manmohan Singh.

BSP too has criticized the decision, which the party claims is a shameless advertisement of the Congress party and its yuvraaj.

“The Election Commission of India should cover all the television sets in the state so that people are not able to see the show and get fooled into voting for Congress,” BSP leader Satish Chandra Mishra demanded.

Faking News’ attempts to reach Rahul Gandhi for comments failed, but we will try to contact him again by taking part in the game show.

Election Commission bans “cool’” smiley as it wears Karunanidhi sunglasses

Pagal Patrakar — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 10:27:25 +0000

New Delhi. After ordering to cover Mayawati and Elephant statues in Uttar Pradesh as they could influence voters, Election Commission has ordered all websites and chat services to ban the “cool” smiley – a smiling human face wearing dark sunglasses – because it resembles a laughing Karunanidhi.

Election Commission fears that this could heavily influence innocent citizens of India into voting for DMK – Karunanidhi’s party that is in opposition in Tamil Nadu and a partner in the ruling UPA coalition at center.

It should be noted that the “cool” smiley appears when someone types “B-)” in a chat-box and hits “Enter”. The chatting services convert the three characters into a “cool” smiley, which has been identified as “Karunanidhiface” by the Election Commission of India.

Karunanidhi (left) and the cool smiley (right) appear very similar according to the Election Commission

“We have received formal complaints from various parties, especially from AIADMK and allies, that DMK had been enjoying this unfair advantage in the online domain where people would randomly draw this Karunanidhiface after cracking a joke during chatting,” Chief Election Commissioner SY Qureshi informed.

When asked how could have DMK lost the last year’s assembly elections if people were influenced so easily by what they see, Qureshi said that it could have been due to slow internet speed, which stopped the smileys from being rendered on computer screens for many people.

“Instead of seeing a Karunanidhiface, they were irritated to experience a slow internet connection, possibly running on the 2G technology, and were reminded of the 2G scam more than Karunanidhi’s laughing face with cool sunglasses,” Qureshi explained DMK’s loss.

The Chief Election Commissioner further said that with the 3G technology in place and broadband speed improving for many citiznes, it was imperative that a level playing field was created in the online domain.

“We even asked Kapil Sibal, the honorable telecom minister, and he agrees that such smileys, apart from any other objectionable things like RSS feeds and Twitter trends, should be banned,” Qureshi claimed.

He further claimed that all the online chatting service providers and websites have been asked to create a new “cool” smiley that didn’t look like Karunanidhi or any other bespectacled Indian politician, not even Gandhiji.

Qureshi refused to react to BSP’s demand of banning hand, lotus, and bicycles as they could influence voters too. However, he said that Election Commission was seriously considering banning the Sunny Deol starrer Gadar – Ek Prem Katha in Uttar Pradesh as it showed him uprooting a handpump – the election symbol of RLD led by Ajit Singh, now a union minister.

“The scene was deemed to be derogatory and insulting to Sri Singh’s party and could have influenced people into voting against the RLD-Congress combine,” Qureshi said.

Homeless people to have Mayawati shaped haircut to get cover

Pagal Patrakar — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 16:45:54 +0000

Lucknow. After Election Commission ordered all Mayawati statues to be covered, homeless and poor people in Uttar Pradesh have decided to get a haircut that would cause Mayawati figurine to appear on their heads. The move is aimed at getting some piece of cloth in this cold weather.

Ignored by the political parties as many of them are not enrolled on voter lists, these people finally hope to get some attention by the system and the society this way.

“It’s too cold these days and some extra clothing will help,” Kabir Das, a homeless destitute in Lucknow told Faking News, “We have never been promised anything by anybody and we move around begging for our survival. Last winter an NGO had distributed blankets but we sold them off in summer to buy food.”

Cricket fans have earlier got haircut shaped in various figures, but this is the first time people will get Mayawati shaped haircuts.

“The NGO didn’t come back this year as they were busy supporting Jan Lokpal movement, so this looks like a god sent opportunity,” Kabir said, welcoming the Election Commission’s decision.

This year, the number of homeless beggars has increased as many of them had come back to the state after the famous election speech by Rahul Gandhi, but they were disappointed to learn that they were not welcome.

“We don’t even have homes where Rahul Gandhi could have dinner,” Kabir rued, “Now we hope Election Commission will cover us for having Mayawati statues on our head.”

However, experts on poverty working in the Planning Commission have claimed that the poor have failed to adequately plan for themselves.

“From our data, we have found out that having a funky haircut like that will cost at least 32 rupees. If they can spend that much in a day, they are not poor!” Maathatek Aluwala, a part-time economist with the Planning Commission showed the loophole.

“Furthermore, they will get only that much of cloth that will help cover the hair on their head, which means not much bigger than a handkerchief; they shouldn’t be expecting cozy blankets,” Aluwala provided a reality check to the poor during the season of electoral promises.

BJP goes for massive rebranding, to call itself “Party OK”

Pagal Patrakar — Sat, 07 Jan 2012 09:26:22 +0000

New Delhi. After receiving a lot of criticism for inducting Babu Singh Kushwaha, accused of corruption in a multi-crore rural health scam in Uttar Pradesh, BJP has decided to rebrand and reposition itself to get back the lost support among critics and masses.

In a move that looks clearly inspired from the television entertainment channel Star One, which was re-launched as “Life OK” a few weeks back, BJP has decided to call itself “Party OK”. The new name will be launched on the eve of Uttar Pradesh elections.

“Our candidates will contest elections on the BJP symbol only, and even the ballot papers will mention our party’s name as ‘BJP’, but we’ll call ourselves ‘Party OK’ during all public meets,” BJP President Nitin Gadkari declared.

Sources inform that through this attempt, the party has made its positioning more real and practical from the earlier positioning of “party with a difference”.

Management consultants claim that the new logo will change the fortunes of the party

“That positioning raised false hopes among many supporters who thought the party will not indulge in petty politics for immediate electoral gains,” a party source said, “That’s why we are now calling ourselves ‘Party OK’, so that people know that we just about OK.”

“A party that is just good enough,” the source added.

It’s not yet clear how much money BJP is spending on this whole rebranding exercise, but sources inform that the party had hired leading brand professionals from the industry, who suggested that BJP started calling itself “Party OK”.

“They have also prepared a document on how to lead the fight against corruption,” a party source said, “The document uses some of the key strategies adopted by US in its war against terror, where it invaded many nations for world peace.”

Most of the party leaders and workers have welcomed the decision and have called it “timely”.

“It was much needed,” a party leader told Faking News on conditions of anonymity, “Look what happened to Team Anna. They positioned themselves as messiah against corruption and hence when minor irregularities like inflated travel bills of Kiran Bedi came to light, it hurt them.”

“Same with Sachin Tendulkar,” the party leader further explained, “The positioning as ‘god’ is hurting him. People think he has failed even if he scores a half century in each innings. We must learn from these.”

Party insiders say that the move will not only justify admission of leaders like Kushwaha, but it will also help the party in reinstating leaders like BS Yeddyurappa, the former Chief Minister of Karnataka who had to resign after a state Lokayukta report indicted him in mining scam.

“Yeddy had asked for a suitable post in BJP recently for his homecoming, he could be made in-charge of this rebranding process,” a party insider said.

(originally written for and published in English daily DNA)

Dalit family asks Rahul Gandhi to finish dinner and leave house at midnight

Pagal Patrakar — Fri, 30 Dec 2011 06:59:42 +0000

Lucknow. Taking a cue from Rajya Sabha, which suspended proceedings abruptly as soon as the clock struck 12 in the midnight, a dalit family hosting Rahul Gandhi for dinner asked the Congress MP to leave their house as soon as they realized that it was end of the calendar day.

Rahul Gandhi had eaten just one roti (bread) when Dhaniram, the host, asked him to leave his house as the day reserved for showing hospitality to Rahul Gandhi had come to an end.

“We were having a nice chat and Rahul Baba was showing Dhaniram live television on his 3G enabled Aakash tablet gifted to him by Kapil Sibal,” a Congress worker, who had accompanied Rahul Gandhi, recalled the events of the last night.

Rahul Gandhi was shocked but didn't comment anything over the incident

Dhaniram asked Rahul Gandhi to show him news channels to check if his name and face was already on national television for hosting the future Prime Minister of India. Rahul obliged, but to his disappointment, Dhaniram found all the news channels broadcasting Parliament proceedings instead of breaking news on Rahul Gandhi having dinner at a dalit household.

“Rahul Baba explained something about Lokpal, but my mood was already off by then,” Dhaniram confided his honest feelings to Faking News, “I had paid a bribe of 500 rupees to the local agent who had promised that I will be popular after Rahul Gandhi visited my home. But there was not a single journalist covering the event! Only you Faking News guys were there! WTF!”

Adding to his woes was the half-an-hour explanation by Rahul Gandhi on how the Sarkari Lokpal can tackle corruption better than Jan Lokpal.

“To hell with all kind of Lokpals, I was more concerned about my 500 rupees and the food that I had invested to earn some fame,” Dhaniram said.

Already frustrated and exasperated at his loss, Dhaniram went mad when Rajya Sabha was adjourned sine die as soon as it was midnight. This killed all hopes of any non-Lokpal news being flashed.

“All that they were talking on TV was how the day had ended and no business could take place any further, while the disastrous day that I was having appeared to extend forever,” Dhaniram recalled how his wife started quarrelling with him as she had to cook food for five extra persons – Rahul Gandhi, his security guards, and the agent who fleeced Dhaniram.

However, the Parliament proceedings gave Dhaniram an idea on how to put an end to his sufferings. He immediately announced that the day had ended and the honorable Rahul Gandhi must leave his house keeping with the lofty traditions of the Indian parliament.

This left everyone stunned, as if Tendulkar was bowled at 99.

After regaining their composure, Congress workers tried to reason with Dhaniram but he remained adamant. The red faced agent even offered to fix a Walk The Talk appointment with Shekhar Gupta on NDTV, but Dhaniram was not ready to believe anyone anymore. Rahul Gandhi had to leave his house after having just one roti and a small bite off a pyaaz (onion).

“RSS agent,” Digvijay Singh claimed about Dhaniram.

Only copy of Lokpal Bill prepared by the government goes missing

Mouthful — Wed, 21 Dec 2011 08:11:44 +0000

New Delhi. In a shocking development that has scared the collective shit of the government representatives, the only copy of the much touted long-held ‘Lokpal Bill’ has suddenly gone missing. UPA ministers, who were handling the strings of the allegedly path-breaking bill, were left red faced as media and activists probed the whereabouts of the anti-corruption antidote.

“The bill was, umm…” Abhishek Manu Singhvi, averred, “was in my closet. I had kept it myself the last night before going to enjoy some red wine with Sibal Sahib after completing all the formalities.”

The draft of the bill was gone in the morning. It was probably a theft because Singhvi woke up to find a big black letter ‘A’ embossed in steel lying in his closet, instead of the copy of the bill. Singhvi, using his lawyer’s mind, could immediately draw parallels with the Dhoom2, where the thief-in-chief Hrithik Roshan would place a similar letter after every heist.

Earlier, copies of Lokpal Bill prepared by the government was burnt by the civil society activists, following which the government decided to have only one fire-proof copy of the bill.

Sources inform that Home Minister P Chidambaram has already ordered a midnight lathicharge on Hrithik Roshan’s fans as he suspects Hrithik to have stolen the only copy of the bill to promote his new movie Agneepath – a movie name starting with ‘A’.

“Anna, Anna – that name also starts with A! Arrest him!” a voice, suspected to be that of Digvijay Singh, was heard in an emergency meeting called by Sonia Gandhi in the morning to find the bill. Leaders like Vilasrao Deshmukh and Ashok Chavan, who has invaluable experience in the case of missing files related to the Adarsh Society scam, were also present in the meeting, sources say.

Later talking exclusively to Faking News, Manu Singhvi explained that no other copy of the bill was made since earlier leaks had forced the government to be extra careful. He and Sibal were apparently working on further improvements in the draft last night as government had agreed to extend the winter session to discuss the bill and get it passed.

“While done with the last line at 11:32 in the night, I had jubilantly high-five’d the coarse hands of Sibalji,” recalled Singhvi, “and the keys had been in my boxer pockets all the night.”

“Zameen nigal gayi ya aasman kha gaya,” said angry BJP MP BS Ahluwalia, who warned to stop the parliament session till the bill was found. He also accused Congress of playing tricks and claimed that the party had deliberately allowed the theft to delay formation of a Lokpal.

He went so far to say that Kapil Sibal turns into a werewolf after two glasses of wine, and he might have taken the bill along with him or kept it somewhere.

“CBI should ‘zero-in’ on Sibal,” he said and asked Anna to go on a fast demanding arrest of Kapil Sibal.

However Anna Hazare has blamed BJP too this time, since he held the opinion that BJP was never interested in bringing the bill because once implemented, many of its own leaders would have behind the bars or tied around a pole to be whipped by a mother-like figure. He said that the conspiracy would be busted soon and offered the media a copy of Jan-Lokpal as the only solution.

Meanwhile, sensing an impending danger, all the thieves have left Delhi and spread all over the country, thus bringing even distribution of thieves in the country as earlier they were all concentrated in and around the capital.

There is no hint so far about the whereabouts of the bill. Manu Singhvi could be subjected to ‘Sach Ka Saamna‘ and be asked specific questions about the PM, lower bureaucracy, and other unresolved matters to get a final word of truth.

Reacting to the news, people have responded in a bit of aggression: Pawar has been slapped again, a chappal was thrown at Chidambaram, and Sibal’s twitter profile was hacked with status updated to ‘F–k me’.

Taj Mahal to be relocated to Delhi to celebrate 100 years of the city

Pagal Patrakar — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 06:30:50 +0000

New Delhi. The central government has decided to shift Taj Mahal to the national capital to celebrate 100 years of Delhi as the capital city of India. The master plan was approved in a cabinet meeting early this morning; the relocation work is slated to begin in February next year and is believed to conclude by the next birthday of Delhi. The move is aimed at boosting the image of the capital city as well as earning revenues from tourism.

“Tourist visits to Taj Mahal will go up many times if the monument is shifted to Delhi,” tourism minister Subodh Kant Sahay explained the rationale, “Last year US President Barack Obama had come to India but he couldn’t visit Taj Mahal as it was in Agra, away from Delhi. We have been working on this plan ever since.”

Mr. Sahay claimed that with Delhi completing 100 years, the government thought it an opportune moment to execute this pending task. He denied that there was anything “wrong” in the move.

The tourism revenues could help India deal with the balance of payment crisis, experts say.

“We have enough information to prove that Agra was chosen randomly by Shah Jahan. Neither Mumtaz Mahal was born nor did she die there. In fact, she was buried at Burhanpur in Madhya Pradesh, from where her body was exhumed at taken to Agra to be buried at Taj,” Sahay informed.

“And it’s not even so that Shah Jahan and Mumtaz Mahal met for the first time at Agra. There is no emotional significance of Agra as far as the love story between Shah Jahan and Mumtaz Mahal goes. If it was due to Yamuna River, then we have Yamuna flowing through Delhi as well and we will relocate Taj Mahal at Yamuna bank only! My point is, it was an administrative decision to make Taj Mahal at Agra,” he added.

Sahay therefore claimed that the government was merely reversing an administrative decision of a previous government of Delhi (led by Shah Jahan) by relocating Taj Mahal, and not hurting any sentiments as Taj Mahal will continue to exist as a monument of love and burial place of Shah Jahan and Mumtaz Mahal.

However, the announcement has been opposed by all the political parties in Uttar Pradesh, where Agra is located.

BSP has termed the move “anti-dalit”.

“Taj Mahal was not built by Shah Jahan, but it was built by those thousands of manual laborers, sculptors, and masons who were definitely dalits and poor. Rahul Gandhi has shown disrespect to them by ordering Taj Mahal to be shifted to Delhi, which will be done by big construction companies run by his foreign friends,” BSP leader and UP Chief Minister Mayawati alleged.

Samajwadi Party has termed the move an insult to the Muslims of India and vowed not to allow Taj Mahal to be shifted out of Agra, while BJP has claimed that the move by Congress was aimed at finishing the kirana shopkeepers and small businessmen in Agra, who were earning their livelihood through tourism in the city.

But it seems that Congress is in no mood to rollback this decision as it doesn’t involve Mamata Banjerjee. Party sources reveal that Congress has a plan ready to tackle all the major opposition forces in UP.

“Mayawati will be allowed to go ahead with her Taj Corridor project and develop real estate in and around the area. She can install a grand statue of herself where Taj existed to promote tourism. We believe it will be a fair deal,” a Congress source revealed.

Party has decided to offer Samajwadi Party a permanent gag on Amar Singh in lieu of their support on the decision, while Digvijay Singh has been asked to deal with BJP. Digvijay Singh is supposed to viciously attack claims that Taj Mahal was earlier a Hindu temple, which will lure BJP into opposing the existence of Taj Mahal at Agra in its current form.

Meanwhile common people at Agra are angry and confused over the whole issue.

“If Delhi takes away our resources for development at least they should compensate us for that. How about shifting Delhi Metro to Agra?” Ankur, a local resident argued.

“What the hell! This whole relocation process is going to be another scam. If there is anything in Agra that needs to be shifted to Delhi, it’s the mental asylum!” another local resident said on conditions of anonymity.

MPs react with “LOL” over “no work, no pay” demands by citizens

Pagal Patrakar — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 07:21:02 +0000

New Delhi. With no business taking place in the Parliament due to frequent adjournments and disruptions, many citizen groups have been clamoring for “no work, no pay” rule to be applied to the MPs. Citizens believe that MPs, whose prime duty is to legislate and debate policies, shouldn’t be given salaries if they fail to perform their duty.

When Faking News contacted a group of MPs for their response to such demands, most of them couldn’t control their laughter.

“It’s a good idea, ha ha ha, sorry, I mean it’s a good idea. LOL!” said an MP, who later excused himself from the interview as he was finding the whole exercise too funny.

Some MPs privately claimed that it was actually disruptions that was their job

This reporter later checked himself in the mirror to find out if he was looking too outlandish or weird to conduct an interview, but failed to spot any oddity in appearance. The reporter resembled any other aam aadmi, which was confirmed later as a couple of small interviews with other aam aadmis went very well.

“Frankly I don’t know why people care if the parliament functions or not, isn’t the country being run by corporate houses?” said Indrajeet, an aam aadmi reading an essay by Arundhati Roy in a nearby library.

“Yes, the parliament must function. I’m sick of Lok Sabha TV not airing anything and yet the Doordarshan employees getting salary. This is double waste of taxpayers’ money,” opined Kamlesh, who couldn’t pay his cable TV bills due to rising inflation, and is now dependent on only Doordarshan channels for entertainment.

“All I want is that they should not adjourn the house. They should keep shouting, and if possible, throw mikes at each other,” Kamlesh, deprived of reality shows entertainment from private TV channels, demanded.

With two normal reactions from normal people, this reporter was assured that there was nothing funny in his appearance and proceeded to conclude the original assignment. However, subsequent attempts to get a reaction from MPs over “no work, no pay” continued to elicit laughter from honorable members of the parliament.

“They think we survive on our salaries? LOL!” said another MP, constantly on phone with some Amar bhai.

“Ha ha, who are these people trying to dictate terms to us?” responded another MP, “Some guys tried to do that earlier this year wearing Anna topis (caps). What happened? LOL!”

Parliament to be converted into amusement park to recover lost money

Mouthful — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 10:03:13 +0000

New Delhi. Reacting to criticisms that the nation was losing 2 crore rupees each day due to parliament being adjourned randomly, government has decided to convert the parliament into an amusement park. Once any house of the Parliament is adjourned, an aam aadmi will be able to buy tickets and see MPs doing things that will amuse him or her no end. The scheme will be launched for Lok Sabha first.

“No, we are not doing away with the parliament itself or the law making process; Parliament will do that on odd days,” Parliamentary Affairs Minister Pawan Kumar Bansal clarified, “But on most of the days, when no business takes place inside the parliament, instead of leaving for their homes or the canteen, our MPs will stay back and indulge in things that will amuse people – something that we are calling amusement park.”

Soon, this place will be earning money for the nation.

Parliament sources say that the idea popped into a Samajwadi Party MP’s mind when he saw Lalu Yadav and Mulayam Singh Yadav playing cards in one corner. Soon, the creative Kabil Sibal came up with a rough blueprint of the whole proposal that will bring down the loss due to non-functioning of the parliament to his favorite number – zero.

It was proposed that Navjot Singh Sidhu would be the usher at the door who would introduce airs of joviality through his phrases and facial gestures. If the visitors fail to laugh at the jokes of Sidhu, they will be taken to the region where Rahul Gandhi will be speaking on national issues.

Sonia Gandhi will be having her own puppet show, while DMK members will run telephone booths.

A toy train will also be installed inside the premises that will be driven by senior BJP leader LK Advani. The joy ride will be called “Rath Yatra” but visitors will not be charged any extra ticket to ride the toy train.

However, visitors will have to pay extra to see Mayawati’s statue, which is being touted as the main attraction.

Mr. Sharad Pawar would be given a small area to plough so that he may better understand the plight of the farmer. Sources claim that he would also be wearing a head gear so that nobody slaps him, but Faking News can’t confirm this.

The proposal of setting up of the amusement park was accepted by a voice vote by both the houses of the parliament. The “park” will be open for public viewing next week when the Lok Sabha adjourns as soon as it starts.

Congress buys minority stake in BJP, sees bright future as an opposition party

Pagal Patrakar — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 09:44:55 +0000

New Delhi. The ruling Congress party today announced that it has acquired a minority stake in the main opposition party BJP for an undisclosed amount. Justifying this rather weird decision, Congress said that the party saw very bright future for BJP as a vibrant opposition party for many more years to come and hence decided to make an investment.

“BJP will continue to be the dominant opposition party after the next general elections, and we don’t see any change in the fortunes of the party even after the subsequent elections,” senior party leader Kapil Sibal claimed, “With such a secured and guaranteed future, we decided to invest in the party. Yesterday we bought 7.5% of the total outstanding shares of BJP.”

BJP members opposing something in the Parliament

The shares were bought through private placement method and the sum paid has not been disclosed. Sources suggest that Sibal had used his own accounting method and had found out the unit price of BJP shares at zero rupees, but his valuation was overturned by Finance Minister Pranab Mukherjee, who worked out a favorable deal with the BJP.

“We are sure that our investment will not go waste,” Sibal later told Faking News, “BJP has mastered the art of opposition and it has become the core competence of the party. They are really good at opposing and we hope that they will keep on opposing and growing as an opposition party.”

Congress sources reveal that the idea of having a minority stake in BJP was mooted a few months before 2009 general elections itself, when BJP opposed Indo-US nuclear deal – something that they might have done themselves had they been in power.

“Then we were not too sure. Now when they are opposing FDI in retail, we thought that time was ripe for making an investment in BJP – a party that opposes better than any other,” Sibal said.

Although 7.5% ownership does doesn’t give Congress decision making powers, the party has decided to appoint Digvijay Singh as the self-appointed director on the board of BJP. Digvijay Singh will make sure that BJP keeps on opposing things, and does only that, nothing else.

Sources say that the first step that Digvijay Singh has decided to take is to buy out an extra 0.36% of total outstanding shares of BJP from the open market.

“This will make the total holding of Congress at 7.86%, something that the BJP will start opposing as minority appeasement and will try to buy back the shares at much higher price,” a Congress source revealed.

Mayawati announces formation of four new castes, promises quota

Pagal Patrakar — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 07:53:24 +0000

Lucknow. After announcing that four new states would be formed out of existing Uttar Pradesh, BSP supremo Mayawati has announced formation of four new castes out of existing castes. These castes, names of which will be announced later in a rally, will get benefits of quota in government jobs and educational institutes.

“If we come back to power, we will constitute four new castes for better development of people of Uttar Pradesh,” Mayawati read out a written statement, “People can apply for membership of these castes, and if selected, they will be declared underprivileged, following which they will be eligible for reservations.”

Want a new identity? Mayawati asks voters.

The names of the new castes and the process of selection of candidates to be included in the new castes have not been announced yet, which has given rise to many rumors.

“I think they are going to auction memberships like cricketers are auctioned in IPL for inclusion in teams,” Prof. Santosh Sahay, a sociologist working with Lucknow University claimed, “This will make sure that money is generated for the party – a pattern that BSP follows in every decision making process.”

When asked how can those, who can take part in a competitive bidding process and “buy” memberships, be later declared as “underprivileged” and needing government support, Prof. Sahay cited the example of Dr. Vijay Mallya.

“Even he took part in the IPL auctions and bought many players, but did that stop him from seeking help and support from the government?” the professor argued.

“Recently even the ceiling for being categorized as creamy-layer in OBC category was also changed and those earning a lakh rupee per month were deemed eligible for reservations; so I think Mayawati can defend her decision to auction the caste memberships,” he added.

Currently, the constitution of India doesn’t allow a person to change his or her caste, which means that the central government would need to bring about a constitutional amendment to implement the latest announcement by the Mayawati government.

“I have already written a letter to the Prime Minister to this effect,” Mayawati put the onus on the center.

As expected, opposition parties in UP have reacted sharply with Samajwadi Party accusing Mayawati of conspiring to weaken the strength of OBCs by converting them into new castes. Congress too has opposed the move with Rahul Gandhi terming those who seek to change their castes as “beggars”, while BJP has favored merger of all castes into one large “Hindu” caste.

Political experts believe that the latest decision of Mayawati is aimed at winning the next year’s assembly elections. “Instead of reaching out to already existing vote banks, she is trying to create a new vote bank,” a political expert concluded after three hours of analysis.

(originally written for and published in leading English daily DNA)

Begging Alms Guarantee Act proposed to stop UP folks from begging in Maharashtra

Pagal Patrakar — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 09:22:49 +0000

New Delhi. After Rahul Gandhi’s “beggar” comment drew sharp reactions from various quarters, central government has decided to silence critics by formulating Rahul Gandhi Regional Begging Alms Guarantee Act. The act guarantees a minimum of 32 rupees as daily alms for every beggar who doesn’t leave his home state to beg.

“Now no one from Uttar Pradesh needs to go to Maharashtra to beg,” Congress leader Pramod Tewari announced with a clear sign of vindication and victory over his face.

The act, which will be passed in the parliament when it meets for the winter session, will be first implemented in Phulpur, Uttar Pradesh, where Rahul Gandhi made those comments.

Why do you need to go to Maharashtra to beg when you can beg back home itself? Rahul Gandhi has thrown this poser to the youth of Uttar Pradesh.

Once the act is passed and becomes a law, every beggar in India will need to go back to the state he or she originally belonged to, and get registered with the local police station. Beggars will have to pledge never to leave their home state again, following which they would be given 32 rupees daily, an amount enough to survive in urban India as calculated by Planning Commission.

“I wish Rahul ji had issued this statement much earlier and this law was a reality last year itself. We wouldn’t have needed to remove the beggars during the Commonwealth Games,” Delhi CM Sheila Dixit welcomed the idea behind BAGA i.e. Rahul Gandhi Regional Begging Alms Guarantee Act.

Congress leaders claim that BAGA is an important step towards legalizing begging, which was made a punishable offence by laws such as Bombay Prevention of Begging Act, 1959. Many NGOs and social activists have been opposing such acts.

“Rahul Gandhi is a visionary leader. He had meetings with such NGOs and activists earlier and was determined to remove laws that outlawed begging,” Pramod Tewari explained why Rahul Gandhi made that beggar remark in the Phulpur rally yesterday.

Expectedly, non-Congress parties have expressed disappointment with provisions of BAGA.

MNS and Shiv Sena have demanded that the law should be imposed on all bhaiyyas (residents of UP and Bihar) and they should be asked to go back home, while BJP has demanded the resignation of Prime Minister Manmohan Singh.

But the proposed law has received some good reviews from police officers and social scientists.

“We are ready to receive the BAGA funds and disburse it to the beggars registered with us,” inspector Kishan Kamishan told Faking News with a hint of anticipation in his tone, “32 rupees is more than enough. In fact, 25 rupees would be enough, but we’ll make sure they get 32 rupees.”

“This is a practical step,” Priyadarshan Thakur, a professor of history at Lucknow University said, “Earlier we had seen Indira Gandhi giving the slogan of ‘gareebi hatao’ but it didn’t change a thing in the lives of the poor. At least now they will get some money.”

Rahul Gandhi to become Prime Minister of India on Children’s Day

Pagal Patrakar — Sun, 13 Nov 2011 09:45:24 +0000

New Delhi. Congress has decided to honor the children of India by making Rahul Gandhi the Prime Minister of the country on the occasion of Children’s Day tomorrow. Rahul Gandhi, who represents the young generation and is often referred as the crown prince, will become “PM for a day” tomorrow. However, this won’t be merely a symbolic appointment; the decisions taken by Rahul as PM will be treated as legitimate and binding.

The decision to have a special Prime Minister on Children’s Day was taken after a Priyanka Gandhi loyalist proposed that her school going kids should be made the PM to celebrate the day. As it involved members of the “family”, everyone in the party agreed to the proposal, but the plan was shelved at the last moment after Priyanka’s kids insisted on having Doraemon as the President of India after removing Pratibha Devisingh Patil.

Are you smarter than a 5th grader? Rahul Gandhi could be asking the nation once he becomes the Prime Minister.

This is when Digvijay Singh stepped in and proposed to make Rahul Gandhi the special Prime Minister on Children’s Day.

“Rahul is the youngest child of the family after Varun left us to join BJP. And not only us, even others consider him as a young child. Remember Amul Baby?” a Congress source told Faking News, “All of us have waited long to see him as the Prime Minister of the country but he was not obliging us. Finally, we convinced him to be the PM for a day.”

As per the planned events, Rahul Gandhi will take over from Dr. Manmohan Singh at the stroke of midnight tonight.

“It will be India’s new tryst with destiny,” Congress leader Digvijay Singh underscored the importance of the event.

Rahul will be briefed about the duties and powers of a Prime Minister the whole night and will start issuing orders and directives as soon as the Prime Minister’s Office (PMO) opens on Monday morning.

“It’s important to brief him about the real duties and powers invested in the post of Prime Minister by the constitution of India,” a PMO source explained, “We fear that he might be having completely different ideas about them the way he has seen Manmohan Singh functioning till date.”

It’s not yet clear what important decisions Rahul could take in a day, but among the immediate issues that could be brought before him are the possible bailout of Kingfisher Airlines, bail to Kanimozhi, and Sachin’s awaited 100^th century at Kolkata test that also starts tomorrow.

“There are many other things Rahul Baba can do. I have gifted him the CD of Nayak,” said Digvijay Singh, who could act as the special adviser to the PM for a day.

Party sources further reveal that Rahul Gandhi could also order a cut in petrol prices, which is expected to be announced by the state owned oil companies next week. This will make sure that the credit for the good work goes to Rahul Gandhi even though Manmohan Singh would be back as Prime Minister next week.

Manmohan Singh to do commentary during test matches against West Indies

Pagal Patrakar — Sat, 05 Nov 2011 13:31:49 +0000

New Delhi. Prime Minister Manmohan Singh will don the role of a television commentator during the West Indies tour of India and will be heard describing events during the first two test matches at Delhi and Kolkata respectively. This will be done to silence critics who always accuse the PM of not speaking up on the issues that are otherwise being hotly debated by the citizens of India.

“Sachin’s 100^th international century will become the most hotly debated topic starting tomorrow, replacing petrol price hike,” a PMO source told Faking News, “Prime Minister will air his views on the topic live and exclusive on DD Sports.”

It’s been often said that Dr. Manmohan Singh is an overrated economist and underrated politician, but experts believe that he is also an unrated commentator.

Manmohan Singh showing his latest tool

“The Delhi test match will prove his worth as a commentator who can air his views on any topic,” an expert on Manmohan Singh said, “It’s nice that he has chosen a test match to start his commentary career, as there are extended periods of maiden overs where nothing happens on the ground.”

“He can keep mum in those periods, which will make him feel at home,” the expert explained.

First test-match against West Indies starts tomorrow at Delhi and Prime Minister is expected to join the likes of Ravi Shastri and Sunil Gavaskar in describing the proceedings from the stadium. However, PM will not speak on matters concerning spot-fixing in cricket.

“We expect commentators to discuss the punishment to Pakistani players in the spot-fixing controversy during the first test, but Manmohan Singh will stay clear of commenting on matters involving corruption and cheating,” a PMO source revealed.

PM will, however, take lead and analyze data and numbers such as run-rate, over-rate, and other statistical figures related to the match and cricketers.

Dr. Singh will then travel to Kolkata for his second term during the second test where he could be joined by Mamata Banerjee in the commentary box.

“That will be the real test of character for Dr. Singh,” an expert claimed, “Mamatadi could become an aggressive partner and Prime Minister might have tough time thinking out of (commentary) box.”

However some political pundits believe that Manmohan Singh is being prepared for an alternative career as Rahul Gandhi could soon replace him, once inflation graph reaches its peak and starts a downward trend.

Jaya cancels all marriages solemnized under DMK regime

Guest Patrakar — Thu, 03 Nov 2011 13:51:10 +0000

Chennai. In a shocking development, though perfectly in keeping with the trend of reversing and scrapping the schemes and decisions of the previous DMK regime, Tamil Nadu CM Jayalalithaa has announced that all the marriages that took place during the DMK rule will be “null and void”.

“Those who got married during the Karunanidhi’s rule were blind to the reality and our government has decided to give them an opportunity to mend their mistake,” an official press release said, “Those who think they were right can remarry; there will a single-window counter for such couples.”

Expectedly, the decision is being opposed by DMK, which called it draconian and undemocratic. In a response striking similar to that of his father and former CM Karunanidhi, party’s heir-apparent M K Stalin said, “Being unmarried, Jaya does not understand the sanctity and value of marriage. No one is a bigger authority on marriages than my father.”

Jayalalithaa signals end to DMK marriages

The DMK is reported to be considering moving the Chennai High Court challenging the decision. It hopes the court would declare the move “ultra vires”. Party has also asked the central government to impose President’s rule in the state.

Congress is playing it safe as the party doesn’t want to offend Jayalalithaa so soon. However, Congress leaders are trying their best to help DMK.

“There was no need for this order by the Jaya government,” Union Minister and Congress leader Kapil Sibal argued, “As per my calculations, the number of marriages held under the DMK rule is ‘zero’. There were only notional nuptial knots. There is no need to cancel any.”

Sibal hotly contested the figures released by the marriage bureau attached to the Ministry of Social Welfare and dubbed those figures as “presumptive”, and “figments of AIADMK’s imagination”.

The decision is also being opposed by lawyers, in-laws, and religious leaders, who think that Jayalalithaa is trying to intrude into their respective and reserved domains.

But some reports suggest that many men were happy and joyous after the announcement.

“I didn’t vote for Amma in the assembly elections, but this is too good!” Karthik Murali, a software engineer who got married in 2009, welcomed the decision. Kathik also canceled the order for a diamond-studded gold necklace that he had booked just a couple of hours back to please his perpetually angry wife.

While women are divided over the issue, women organizations have all opposed the move and asked Jaya to take back the order. “It’s true that we love it when women call off marriages, but this is a bit too far,” a women rights activist told Faking News.

(submitted by Subbramaniam Ramamurthy)

Mayawati demands replacing Prashant Bhushan with her statue in Team Anna

Pagal Patrakar — Fri, 14 Oct 2011 13:08:07 +0000

Noida. After differences appeared in Team Anna over Prashant Bhushan’s remarks on Kashmir, Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister Mayawati has suggested Anna to replace Prashant Bhushan with her statue in his team. Mayawati claims that the move will balance the composition of Team Anna and will make sure that corruption is rooted out forever from the country.

“My statue will be more valuable than Prashant Bhushan,” Mayawati declared while showering flowers on her own statue in Noida, where she had gone to inaugurate the Rs. 685 crore park, “No one will dare to speak anything against the statue, let alone daring to slap it.”

“Also, it will make sure that dalit views are represented in the Lokpal committee,” she added, “Team Anna doesn’t have a dalit member and it’s the right opportunity to correct that mistake.”

One of them could become Lokpal

Mayawati claimed that her statue was more capable of representing and defending dalit interests than any lawyer, politician, or activist in the country.

“If Anna Hazare is not anti-dalit, he should immediately include my statue no. 420235 in his team,” she demanded, referring to a statue of herself that she had handpicked to draft the Lokpal bill.

Many pro-Mayawati thinkers have supported the demands by UP CM citing the fact that Mayawati statues were now an integral part of India. Many of them even suggested that one of these Mayawati statues could later be appointed the first Lokpal of India.

“You can’t imagine the socio-political landscape of India without a Mayawati statue holding a handbag in the backdrop,” Suryabhan Misra, a pro-Mayawati journalist argued, “If we can have a puppet Prime Minister, what’s wrong with having a statue Lokpal?”

“If we have a Mayawatiji’s statue as Lokpal, it will also give the post of Lokpal the much needed statue-tory status,” Suryabhan said, making a reference to Rahul Gandhi’s demand of making Lokpal a constitutional or statutory body. He was apparently not joking.

Some independent experts also believe that having a Mayawati statue in Team Anna could actually prove to be beneficial for Anna, as he can then reject every criticism of his actions for being a conspiracy against dalits of India.

Faking News tried to reach members of Team Anna to get a response but they refused to comment over Mayawati’s demands. Meanwhile unconfirmed sources suggest that Maywati has also asked BJP leader LK Advani to install one of her statues on his Rath while it’s in Uttar Pradesh, so that the message against corruption is delivered effectively to the masses.

Digvijay Singh diagnosed with a disease called Digvijay Singh

Pagal Patrakar — Mon, 10 Oct 2011 09:34:01 +0000

Hisar. A team of doctors and psychiatrists from Hisar Pagalkhana (Mental Asylum) have given a clean chit to senior Congress leader Digvijay Singh in the suspected case of him being a mental patient. While doctors have certified that Digvijay Singh was not suffering from any mental illness, they have expressed concerns over the wellbeing of the Congress General Secretary as he was found to be suffering from a rare disorder called “Digvijay Singh”.

“He is not pagal (mad),” declared Dr. Hariram Bishnoi, bringing relief to the Faking News correspondent.

“But he is suffering from Digvijay Singh,” he added, “It is a recent phenomenon and researchers all over the world are trying to study the causes and effects of this ailment. We would soon come with the details of this ailment and a medical name for it. For now, we are calling it ‘Digvijay Singh’.”

Digvijay Singh coming out happy after getting a clean chit from psychiatrists

Both Digvijay Singh (the human being) and social activist Anna Hazare had gone to Hisar Mental Asylum after the congress leader challenged Anna on Sunday to accompany him to a hospital and get their brains checked.

Anna took up this challenge yesterday itself and both of them visited Hisar Pagalkhana early today morning.

“Anna was discharged in fifteen minutes as no major symptoms of any mental illness were found,” Dr. Bishnoi informed, “However Digvijay Singh kept on pointing fingers at Anna and yelling ‘Gandhigiri karta hai, chemical locha hai,’ all the while we were examining Anna.”

“We had tough time concentrating on our work while Diggi Raja spoke,” another member of the team that diagnosed both Anna Hazare and Digvijay Singh, said on conditions of anonymity.

After discharging Anna, the team of doctors and psychiatrists then examined Digvijay Singh. Anna Hazare didn’t point fingers or yell at Digvijay Singh all this while, but he gave four interviews to various journalists in the meantime.

“Politicians are servants and the citizens are the king (neta sevak hain, janta raja hai)” Anna Hazare repeated for the estimated 5829^th time during his interview, which was suddenly interrupted by Digvijay Singh.

“Main raja hoon!” Digvijay Singh, fondly known as Diggi Raja, is reported to have objected when Anna declared the citizens (janta) as king (raja) during the interview.

At this point of time, the doctors concluded that Digvijay Singh was not stark mad, but he was simply suffering from “Digvijay Singh”.

“This primarily appears like a speech disorder,” Dr. Bishnoi gave more details about Digvijay Singh (the disease).

“We will undertake more lab tests and researches. As of now, this doesn’t look like any mental illness; but we will wait before jumping to any conclusion,” he said.

Sources inform that the team of doctors and psychiatrists had earlier decided to call this peculiar speech disorder as “Diggi Raja Speech Syndrome” but decided against it as it shortened to “D-RSS”.

“It could have worsened the situation and Digvijay Singh could have turned violent,” Dr. Bishnoi explained why the team decided to drop the name “D-RSS”.

While Digvijay Singh has expressed happiness and satisfaction at being certified a non-mental patient by the doctors, he expressed fears that some doctors of the Hisar Mental Asylum could be RSS members, who gave a clean chit to Anna as well.

“I stand vindicated,” Digvijay Singh said in a press conference afterwards.

Meanwhile Congress too has expressed happiness over clean chit to Digvijay Singh and has decided not to show black flags to Advani during his latest Rath Yatra, which starts tomorrow.

“We will instead show white flags with Digvijay Singh’s face printed on them,” a party source revealed.

Government to officially close the matter of 2G scam on Dussehra

Pagal Patrakar — Sat, 01 Oct 2011 04:40:57 +0000

New Delhi. After the controversial 2G note matter was closed in a 10-minutes press briefing on Thursday, government has decided to close the larger matter of 2G scam itself and put a conclusive end to the whole affair. After consulting various ministers and advisors, the UPA government has announced that it will officially close the matter of 2G scam on Dussehra, which is less than a week away.

“The views expressed by the CAG in their report are not their own,” Union Minister Kapil Sibal explained why the government thought that the matter should be closed.

Prime Minister is reported to have given green signal to the whole proposal

“Recent reports have suggested that initially an internal audit by CAG had put the notional loss in the 2G spectrum allocation case to a much lower figure, which was overturned by the CAG headquarters,” Sibal explained, “This clearly shows that the CAG report doesn’t reflect the views of the CAG as an institution, much like the 2G note didn’t reflect the views of the government.”

Drawing parallels between the 2G note and the CAG report, Kapil Sibal further said that both the documents were just a “routine” communication between various government agencies, which were misreported widely by the media and misinterpreted by the public.

“Fortunately, under the able guidance of Madam Gandhi, we could close the matter around the 2G note,” he said, “And now is the turn of the CAG report – a matter that will be closed for good on the auspicious day of Dussehra.”

Sibal refused to divulge the details on how the government intends to close the matter, but sources tell Faking News that the process might not take more than 10 minutes, as was the case with closure of the matter arising out the 2G note.

“I think they are going to make a Raavan effigy out of the CAG report on Dusshera and Rahul Gandhi, acting as Lord Rama, will burn down the effigy with a burning arrow made out of the CBI charge-sheet,” Ravindra Chaudhary, an expert visualized the closure of the 2G spectrum allocation scam.

On being asked why he thinks Congress could take help of religious symbols, which almost makes it appear like the BJP, Ravindra said, “Congress has been claiming that they just followed the policy of the BJP government in the 2G spectrum allocation, so I guess they’d do the same even while closing this matter.”

However Congress has rejected such visualizations as figment of imagination of a few people and has blamed the BJP for spreading misinformation.

“All I want to say right now is that there was no scam. There was no loss and no rules were broken,” Kapil Sibal reiterated, “I am happy that the matter will be closed.”

(originally written for and published in the leading English daily DNA)

Delhi Metro announces special line to 10 Janpath for VIPs

Pagal Patrakar — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 07:09:23 +0000

New Delhi. Realizing that there has been an increased flow of VIP traffic to 10 Janpath in the recent days, the Delhi Metro Rail Corporation (DMRC) has announced a special “10 Janpath Express Line” for speedy commuting to and from the residence of UPA Chairperson and Congress President Sonia Gandhi.

This will be the second special line added by DMRC after it inaugurated “Airport Express Line” early this year, which takes just 18 minutes to reach Indira Gandhi International Airport from the New Delhi Railway Station.

“10 Janpath line should not take more than 15 minutes from Airport. Various leaders and dignitaries will save time by straightaway boarding the Metro to Soniaji’s residence without worrying about the road traffic,” a DMRC official informed, “Not only Airport, the line will connect 7 RCR and the Parliament building to 10 Janpath as well.”

Power in her hands?

“We hope that this project will be completed in the next six months,” the official added. DMRC is hopeful that things won’t change much in the next six months and the traffic to 10 Janpath will only go up in this duration.

“What could happen even in the extreme case? Maybe Manmohan Singh ji resigns and Rahul Gandhi ji takes over? That will only increase the traffic to 10 Janpath, no? Surely BJP is not coming to power anytime soon; they are more interested in riding a Rath than Metro!” a DMRC source said.

The proposed line will be called the “White Line” as most of the VIPs are expected to be wearing spotless white kurta-paijama when visiting 10 Janpath.

There won’t be any “VIP pass” for this route for obvious reasons; however, DMRC has rejected demands for an “aam aadmi pass” on this route.

“The common man still stands to benefit because the traffic on the roads would be normal after VIPs start traveling in a special metro line. No security checks, no barricades, no diversions – what more does an aam aadmi want?” a DMRC official argued.

When asked if journalists could be given free passes for the route, the DMRC official said that the matter would be decided by the Delhi government. When Faking News team approached Delhi government, we were chased away as the government had sanctioned freebies only for non-FN journalists.

DMRC refused to give details of fare charges for this upcoming line and avoided questions on whether VIPs will be frisked at the entrance. However sources indicate that the fare could be heavily subsidized and the line will have facilities like tasty food, exotic beverages, and beautiful rail hostesses.

“All those air hostesses and beer bottles laid off by Vijay Mallya after he shut down his Kingfisher Red could be accommodated in the Delhi Metro White Line,” a source told Faking News.

Chidambaram misplaces “clean chit” Sonia Gandhi gave him

Pagal Patrakar — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 08:48:22 +0000

New Delhi. This act of carelessness can cost the Home Minister dearly if his careless attitude towards internal security didn’t cost him anything. P Chidambaram has misplaced the “clean chit” that Congress President and UPA Chairperson Sonia Gandhi had given him yesterday during his 15-minutes meeting on the issue of Finance Ministry note by Pranab Mukherjee, which appeared to implicate him in the 2G spectrum allocation scam.

“Look beneath the sofa; it’s white in color,” Chidambaram was seen hurriedly and worriedly ordering his housekeeping staff, who searched every nook and corner of his official residence to find the now missing “clean chit”.

Chidambaram in a jolly mood last night

“Sir was in very good mood last night when he came back home; he was singing Benny Lava song flashing a piece of paper in his hand,” Gangubai, the senior most member of the housekeeping staff described the scenes of yesterday night when Chidambaram came back home after meeting Sonia Gandhi.

“He switched on the television where news channels were discussing what could have transpired in the meetings,” Gangubai further recalled, “He was smiling and suddenly he burst into laughter, waving his piece of paper towards the television screen, yelling – this, this, you biatches!”

Chidambaram reportedly turned off the television when he saw a small report on death of Rajbala, a Baba Ramdev follower who was injured during Ramlila Maidan crackdown in June early this year.

“Good lord, the news has been lost in the whole speculation over 2G note and meetings; perhaps Pranabda is not so bad,” he is alleged to have muttered to himself before going to have a peaceful and sound sleep.

This morning, when he was supposed to hand out the “clean chit” to Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, who is returning to India after speaking at UN, Chidambaram found to his horror that the chit was missing. He frantically searched everywhere but couldn’t find the prized possession.

“He even called up Subramanian Swamy and asked if he had broken into his house last night,” a close aide of Chidambaram told Faking News, “Swamy is reported to have denied the allegations and asked Chidambaram to check if his house was bugged like Pranab Mukherjee’s office.”

“Swamy seemed to suggest that there was someone who was keeping an eye over both Chidambaram and Pranab, and manipulating them to his or her own advantage,” Chidambaram’s aide explained.

Not interested in pondering over conspiracy theories, the Home Minister is reported to have tried calling up everyone, including Digvijay Singh, to get help on the missing “clean chit”, but of no help.

Experts believe that Chidambaram could be in deep trouble if he fails to find the missing chit before Manmohan Singh returns back to India later tonight.

“He better finds it by tomorrow morning and hands it over to the Prime Minister, who will then hand it over to the CBI,” an expert said.

Chidambaram told to launch a regional party so that 2G scam can be fully blamed on allies

Pagal Patrakar — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 10:41:48 +0000

New Delhi. Congress sources suggest that the party has asked Home Minister P Chidambaram to resign from the party and re-launch his regional political party Congress Jananayaka Peravai (Congress Democratic Front), which he had founded in 2001 after breaking away from Tamil Maanila Congress, which itself was a party formed after breaking away from Congress in Tamil Nadu.

The “advice” to Chidambaram was given after a “secret” note written by Finance Ministry appeared to implicate the Chidambaram in the 2G spectrum scam by arguing that Chidambaram, the then Finance Minister, could have insisted on competitive allocation of spectrum and nipped the malpractices in the bud.

Chidambaram is still thinking what to do

“Congress doesn’t want to have any of its leaders name coming up in the 2G scam,” a party source told Faking News, “DMK has been the party to be blamed for it, and if Chidambaram is made a co-accused in the case, he’d be asked to form his own party and become a UPA ally.”

“We want to have a clean image, like Dr. Manmohan Singh’s,” the Congress source clarified.

With Subramanian Swamy on a mission to make Chidambaram a co-accused in the case, Congress is taking no chances and has asked the Home Minister to make all arrangements to regroup his former regional party, which he had merged with Congress after the 2004 general elections.

“Yes, it was a mistake,” the Congress source referred to the merger, “I think we should have taken in his party as an ally; just like we treat Sharad Pawar’s party, another breakaway Congress party. Imagine if NCP (Pawar’s party) is merged with Congress! Oh God!”

The source refused to divulge the relationship Congress will have with Chidambaram’s regional party (if and when it’s re-formed), but he said that the party will be an important ally of the UPA so that communal forces led by BJP don’t come back to power at center.

“Congress is completely against corruption and we have taken all steps to check it. But people have to understand that there are compulsions of coalition politics,” the Congress source repeated what Rahul Gandhi had said early this year.

Controversy over Narendra Modi’s refusal to wear birthday cap and hold balloons

Pagal Patrakar — Tue, 20 Sep 2011 08:30:17 +0000

Ahmedabad. The nation was shocked to see Narendra Modi refusing to wear a colorful conical cap that is widely worn by children on birthdays. The cap, along with some balloons and a birthday whistle, was offered by a child to Modi during his sadbhavna fast, but the Chief Minister of Gujarat refused to put them on and instead chose to accept a small cake from the kid.

“He said he was too old for these things,” recalled Pappu, the child who offered the birthday paraphernalia to Modi. Video clips from the sadbhavna fast clearly showed that Modi had politely refused to wear the cap or hold the balloons, even as Pappu took out the birthday whistle and cake for the Chief Minister who had started the sadbhavna fast on his birthday.

“If Modi really loves children, why can’t he dress up like this on his birthday?” ask critics.

Sources inform that Narendra Modi was not interested at all in Pappu’s way of celebrating birthdays, but he finally agreed to take a small bite off the cake as a token of appreciation. The partial acceptance of his wishes confused Pappu, who was later reported by news channels as being livid with what he termed as an “insult to childhood”.

This whole affair, which took place on the last day of Narendra Modi’s fast yesterday, is slowly growing into a major political controversy with Congress accusing Modi of having insulted the future citizens of India i.e. the children.

“Not only has he insulted our future generation, he has also shown scant respect for the feelings of the innocent child who had gone there to greet him,” state Congress leader Shankarsinh Waghela said, “I appeal to all the children of this country to support Congress, the party of Chacha Nehru, who loved children.”

BJP on the other hand has tried to play down the issue and has claimed that Modi had never won anything like that before, not even a dunce cap in his school.

“Furthermore, his birthday was on Saturday, not on Monday when he was offered those stuffs,” BJP spokesman Ravi Shankar Prasad justified Modi’s conduct, “And why can’t you media guys appreciate the fact that he accepted the cake. That shows he respected the sentiments and trusted the kid. He didn’t bother to check if the cake was poisoned, as is done by other leaders before eating food.”

Children of India, who are not yet eligible to vote in the elections and thus form a vote-bank, have refused to comment on the issue, though they claimed that they were finding the controversy a bit “childish”.

Congress claims victory over Narendra Modi’s fast using Duckworth-Lewis method

Pagal Patrakar — Sat, 17 Sep 2011 07:41:33 +0000

Ahmedabad. On a day when both Congress and BJP leaders sat on their respective fasts in Gujarat, it was but natural that the whole affair would become competitive in nature, with each side claiming victory at the end of three days. However, Congress has claimed victory on the first day itself citing provisions offered in the Duckworth-Lewis method, which is used to decide a winning team if a limited over cricket match is curtained due to rains or bad light.

“It is raining in Ahmedabad these days and we realized that rains could stop the fasts anytime soon,” Congress leader Shankersinh Vaghela said, who had announced a “counter fast” after BJP leader and Chief Minister Narendra Modi announced his three-day fast for peace and harmony in the state.

“We had done our homework and we decided to stay ahead on all the vital parameters that an expert could factor in to decide the winner, once rains interrupted and stopped the fasts,” Vaghela revealed the strategy Congress has been adopting to defeat Modi in Gujarat all these years.

Many commentators have referred to the ongoing fasts by BJP and Congress as GPL – Gujarat Premier League

Finally, when it rained around 1.11 PM and both the fasts were briefly stopped to make sure political workers don’t get drenched, Congress announced that they had “won” the fasting match according to the Duckworth-Lewis method.

“We had ‘scored’ more and we had more than required ‘resources’ at our hands when rains stopped the fast,” Vaghela explained and claimed that the Duckworth-Lewis method could be applied in this case as more than four hours of competitive fasting had already taken place when rains interrupted the contest.

It should be noted that the Duckworth-Lewis method takes into account the ‘resources’ a team has at a point of time to calculate and predict team’s final score. In terms of cricket, these resources refer to ‘wickets in hand’ and ‘overs remaining’ and are applied to the score at which the game was stopped.

Congress scorers point out that since Vaghela had started his fast earlier than Modi, he was fasting on a ‘higher score’ when the fast was stopped; however there was huge controversy over the calculation of ‘resources’.

“Our fast venue was bigger and we had ACs and other grand arrangements, while he was fasting at footpath. How come he had better resources?” BJP President Nitin Gadkari disputed the claims of the Congress leader.

“Or was he referring to the Gujarat Governor as Congress resource?” he quipped, and claimed that the real winner was BJP, whether in the four-hour format or the three-day version of the contest.

Congress has rejected such criticisms and insisted that the party had many resources such as the goodwill of minorities and it indeed had won the “first round” of the fast, and would eventually win the series at the end of the third day.

With both the parties claiming victory, some journalists advised that the matter could be referred to Anna Hazare, who is seen as an expert on fasts. But sources suggest that Anna refused to step in and play third-umpire in this particular case.

However, both the parties agree that their stances didn’t amount to any mockery of fasting.

Ship carrying Sharad Pawar’s undisclosed assets gets stuck at Juhu beach

Pagal Patrakar — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 06:10:28 +0000

Mumbai. A huge merchant ship, carrying massive amount of valuables, has drifted ashore and got stuck at Juhu beach, making it the third ship in the last three months to have met such fate. Even though the government officials have declined to comment over the ownership of the ship or the cargo, sources tell us that the ship, along with the goods, is owned by union minister Sharad Pawar, who had earlier declared his total assets as being 12 crore rupees only.

“The ship was carrying all those remaining assets, which were not declared by Pawar earlier,” a whistleblower on the ship told Faking News, “I have no idea about the final destination of the ship as everyone on the ship was supposed to be replaced by trained militia after a few days in the middle of the ocean, so that the ship is not hijacked by Somali pirates.”

Clicking pictures of the Sharad Pawar’s ship has been banned, but it apparently looks like this.

Based on this input, Faking News investigative team concluded that the ship, named Panchshil, the unsinkable, was destined to follow a route that would have made it pass through the Somali waters, which meant that the ship was either headed towards North Africa or Europe.

“Libya? Is Pawar buying oil from Gaddafi? Or maybe he is funding Gaddafi’s resistance in anticipation of some rewards and favors in the future?” an intern with Faking News argued, who was earlier the chief international correspondent with a leading news channel.

“That appears a bit farfetched,” the international desk editor rejected the intern’s idea as part of his job, “I think this ship was going to Switzerland. Swiss Bank you see.”

“Not Italy?” interjected the housekeeping guy, who was warned not to interfere in editorial work again and instead concentrate on removing the spider webs from the Library.

Even as the editorial and janitorial staff debated the destination of the ship, another “source” called up Faking News’ office and informed how the ship got stuck at the beach in the first place.

“The captain of the ship was a former truck driver, who was given the supari to kill Anna Hazare after some contract killers refused to do so,” the source revealed, “It seems that he saw some bhelpuri vendor wearing ‘I am Anna’ cap taking a walk on the beach early this morning. He mistook the vendor for Anna and the ship for a truck and tried to run over the poor guy with the speeding ship. The ship got stuck in the process.”

This theory appears convincing as the local police confirmed that the captain of the ship had been absconding ever since the ship got stuck, leaving behind huge cache of cash, jewelry, gems, gold bricks, onions, share and land registration certificates, apart from some suspected ICC cricket trophies on board.

However the police chased away our reporter when he asked if they were investigating the case from “Sharad Pawar owing the ship and the cargo” angle.

Meanwhile Faking News advises Mumbai residents not to flock to the Juhu beach again to see the ship, because this time a large number of criminals and politicians could also be there in the crowd to take a look at the ship.

Meira Kumar opposes iPads, demands silencers for MPs

Pagal Patrakar — Sat, 03 Sep 2011 06:41:14 +0000

New Delhi. Lok Sabha speaker Meira Kumar is reportedly not too excited about MPs being given iPads or other high end tablets to make parliamentary proceedings paper-free; she has demanded “silencers” for MPs instead.

“Paper is not any hindrance or problem; waste paper like the unread copies of the union budget speech can be recycled,” Ms. Kumar is supposed to have argued with the parliamentary committee that had sanctioned 50,000 rupees for each MP to buy an Apple iPad or Samsung Galaxy tab.

The Lok Sabha speaker further expressed concerns that the honorable members could download tablet applications like “Air Horn” that is used to make noisy sounds like a siren or a Vuvuzela, and disturb the parliamentary proceedings whenever they disagree with a point being made.

Meira Kumar, apparently showing the way out to a noisy MP, but the MP went on to make a statement that was later removed from the parliament records (paper archives).

“These tablets are not going to cure my headache,” Meira Kumar had complained to the committee and asked them to drop plans of giving high-end communication gadgets to the MPs.

Ms. Kumar, who is often heard saying “baith jaaiye, shaant ho jaaiye” (please sit down, please keep quiet), has requested the Parliamentary Affairs Minister to find out if “silencers” could be given to the MPs during parliamentary proceedings.

“Some gadget that could be made compulsory for each MP to wear whenever he or she enters the parliamentary premises,” Ms. Kumar is said to have proposed.

“They could be like a helmet or a gas-mask in shape, but would make the area around the mouth air-tight,” she explained her vision of the urgently required gadget for the MPs, “There would be provision allowing them to breathe by letting fresh air go in, but I should have the control to stop the air from vocal chords from coming out.”

Although “human silencers” are not currently available for use by the masses, experts believe that a modified version of what astronauts wear when going into outer space could be designed for the MPs to make parliamentary proceedings smoother and more meaningful.

“It could cost more than a tablet, but I guess the results would be to the effect as desired by the Madam Speaker,” an expert argued and claimed that Meira Kumar’s suggestion could be implemented if there was enough “political will”.

Meanwhile unconfirmed reports suggest that China has already produced around thousand cheap iPads and is planning flood markets in New Delhi around the Parliament.

“They are even offering fake bills to the extent of 50,000 rupees,” a man dealing with fake Chinese goods claimed.

(originally written for and published in English daily DNA)

Google Maps to use Mayawati statues for directions in Lucknow

Ankur Nigam — Thu, 01 Sep 2011 06:55:11 +0000

Lucknow. “Head north towards Maya#3899, Turn left at Elephant#23, Pass by the KansiRam#19 and take a final right at Ambedkar#6” was how Google Maps gave directions to Chandru Prasad when he used his Android phone to find out how to reach Pandey Paan Bhandar from his house.

Starting today, Google is planning to use the ever growing statues in the state for the benefit of aam aadmi.

“We have launched our services in Beta stage in Lucknow and we hope to extend these services all over the state once the Indian courts give green signal to Miss Mayawati for completing her statue building projects,” Google CEO Eric Schmidt told Faking News.

Sources inform that a “statue predictor algorithm” designed by Google engineers had estimated that Lucknow would have a Mayawati statue after every hundred feet by the year 2020.

“This is huge! We don’t even expect street lights or traffic signals cropping up at similar rates; nothing could give a sense of direction in the state better than the statues, and that’s why we decided to incorporate them into our services,” Google CEO explained.

Uttar Pradesh Chief Minister Kumari Mayawati with statues that would give directions to the lost citizens in the state

The news has brought an early Diwali for Maya’s supporters in the state capital, and even the Chief Minister herself was happy with the announcement.

“We thank Maanniya Google Ji for taking this noble step that will help the poor people in Uttar Pradesh,” Mayawati read out a prepared statement in a press conference. Later her Chief Secretary informed that the government will provide the required data to Google engineers, and the statues would be meticulously numbered in order to make direction-giving easy and accurate.

Government sources inform that the news has excited Behenji so much that she is planning to build a statue of herself that would be the tallest in the world.

“Taller than the Christ the Redeemer and the Statue of Liberty put together,” a government source informed. Faking News learnt that this proposed tallest statue of Mayawati would be called the “Redeemer of Poverty” symbolizing Maya’s constant concern for the poor.

Besides, the statue will have Mayawati holding an elephant in her right arm, instead of the customary torch. “This is to symbolize her power and stature,” explained the source.

This decision, as expected, hasn’t gone down well with the Samajwadi Party leaders who have vowed to demolish the statue once they come back to power, even if that means partnering with the BJP for the demolition, while Congress workers are reportedly working on a “counter offensive”.

“They are planning to come up with Gandhi Maps to counter Google Maps; the Gandhi Maps will use all the monuments, offices, roads and other constructions named after Nehru-Gandhi family members as the landmarks for giving directions,” a Congress source revealed.

Manmohan Singh confuses Sonia Gandhi’s “remote control” with “magic wand”

Pagal Patrakar — Thu, 25 Aug 2011 06:46:19 +0000

New Delhi. Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, who had revealed on Independence Day that there was no “magic wand” against corruption, was momentarily excited earlier today when he mistook Sonia Gandhi’s “remote control” for being some kind of a magic wand.

Dr. Singh was exposed to the remote control during a meeting with Rahul Gandhi that took place to discuss the issues arising out of Anna Hazare’s indefinite fast.

“What is that?” Prime Minister is reported to have asked Rahul Gandhi, who was holding a strange looking gadget in his hand. Rahul was given the gadget – the remote control – by his mother when she had to leave India for medical treatment a few weeks back.

“Oh, this thing? I don’t know what is it called, but mom says she can get whatever she wants using this,” Rahul replied to a bewildered Manmohan Singh and other cabinet ministers who had come to his residence for the secret meeting after skipping breakfast early this morning.

“You mean some kind of magic wand!?” Dr. Singh asked with a clear but rare excitement in his tone.

“I don’t know,” Rahul said, “Although even I wanted to know more and use this thing myself, Mom says that I may not need it at all after a couple of years!”

The remote-control that was mistaken for being a magic-wand by the Prime Minister

“But I think you are right; it might be a magic wand,” the young Gandhi added as an afterthought.

“Could this be the magic wand that Pranab da wanted to control inflation with, or is this the magic wand Pawar was looking for to stop farmers’ suicides and rise in onion prices?” Manmohan Singh thought, “Or maybe it’s the magic wand needed to fight terrorists that Chidambaram needs. Or please god, let it be the magic wand with which I could control corruption!”

Excited over the wide-ranging prospects this magic wand could attain, Prime Minister is reported to have implored the Congress General Secretary to let him use the magic wand for once and clear the mess that has been created in the country over the last couple of years.

After some initial hesitation, Rahul Gandhi agreed to allow use of the supposed “magic wand”, but nobody present in the meeting knew how to operate it. Since it was night time in the USA, where Sonia Gandhi was recuperating and possibly sleeping at that time, calling up the UPA chairperson for help was ruled out.

Sources inform that Sharad Pawar was the first one who offered to operate the wand, but he kept on waving it like a cricket bat and exclaiming “no more suicides”. It was not clear whether he was making a wish for the farmers or the Indian cricketers in England. Frustrated by his acts, Manmohan Singh ordered him to hand over the wand to Pranab Mukherjee.

The Union Finance Minister is believed to have taken a long drawn look at the wand, perhaps hoping that the wand would operate itself. P Chidambaram too joined him and they took turns to take a look at the supposed wand but neither of them did anything.

Finally, Prime Minister took the wand in his own hands, and he could see a big red button that said “push and order”. He wondered what why were his cabinet colleagues clueless about this.

“Fill the stomach of the old man and let his hunger and frail health vanish till the next general elections,” Manmohan Singh wished for Anna Hazare as he pressed the button.

To his surprise, Manmohan Singh found a sensation in his stomach and in his limbs soon after. Even though he had skipped breakfast, Dr. Singh no longer felt the urge to have food and he almost felt like running around in excitement. He realized that the changes he had wished for Hazare, had been implemented on himself. He realized it was the famed “remote control” and not any “magic wand”.

“There is no magic wand to fight corruption, please help us deal with the situation,” Prime Minister is later said to have requested Anna Hazare in another letter after the meeting.