Angelina Jolie “When Brad bores me, I turn to Faking News”
Brad Pitt “I read Faking News to keep Angelina happy”
According to Congress party sources, Rahul Gandhi has still not understood why people are cracking jokes like “The wrong Rahul has decided to retire” on the day cricketer Rahul Dravid decided to retire from all forms of the game. The Congress general secretary has asked party workers to explain the meaning of all the jokes, which has put the poor workers in a dilemma.
Students at IIM Lucknow will be having bhang and desi tharra on Holi tomorrow to better understand what Digvijay Singh was trying to do in the assembly elections of Uttar Pradesh. The idea of having a bhang and daaru session was agreed upon by institute authorities after everyone unanimously agreed that there was no other way one could duplicate the operational environment of Digvijay Singh’s mind.
Congress leader Kripashankar Singh, accused of amassing wealth disproportionate to his known sources of income, has downplayed the reported event of files being burnt in the backyard of his Bandra home. The former Maharashtra Congress chief says that such events are routine during investigations and they shouldn’t be attached much importance.
Subramanian Swamy has filed a fresh petition against P Chidambaram accusing him of “intelligence failure” in the 2G scam that led to losses to the national exchequer. Swamy took this step after a special CBI court ruled that Chidambaram was acting “innocently” in the 2G scam case when he agreed to fix the spectrum prices at 2001 rates in 2008 and allowed dilution of equity by two companies.
Kapil Sibal has blamed the British rulers of the pre-Independence era for the massive loot of country’s wealth, which has resulted in unequal distribution of resources among the citizens of India. However, Sibal didn’t categorically term this “loot” as any “crime” or “corruption” as the Supreme Court had not passed any explicit verdict condemning the loot, which has been going on ever since India got independence.
The shoe thrown at Rahul Gandhi during a public rally has been found to be belonging to Mayawati. The shoes were actually sandals, which had gone missing two years ago after they arrived in India in a special empty jet from London. Police has launched an inquiry into how the sandals landed into the hands of the shoe thrower Ramdin, who happens to be a local shopkeeper.
Congress has come up with a master strategy for campaigning during the Uttar Pradesh assembly elections that is aimed at impressing both the rural as well as the urban voters of the state. The party has roped in television channel Star Plus to start an Uttar Pradesh edition of the cooking game show MasterChef, which will see party leader Rahul Gandhi as the star judge.
After ordering to cover Mayawati statues in Uttar Pradesh as they could influence voters, Election Commission has ordered all websites to ban the “cool” smiley because it resembles a laughing Karunanidhi. Election Commission fears that this could heavily influence innocent citizens of India into voting for DMK – Karunanidhi’s party that is in opposition in Tamil Nadu and a partner in the ruling UPA coalition at center.
After EC ordered all Mayawati statues to be covered, homeless people in Uttar Pradesh have decided to get a haircut that would cause Mayawati figurine to appear on their heads. The move is aimed at getting some piece of cloth in this cold weather. Ignored by the political parties as many of them are not enrolled on voter lists, these people finally hope to get some attention by the society this way.
In a move that appears clearly inspired from the television entertainment channel Star One, which was re-launched as “Life OK” a few weeks back, BJP has decided to call itself “Party OK”. The new name will be launched on the eve of Uttar Pradesh elections and is aimed at negating the effect of inducting Babu Singh Kushwaha, accused of corruption in a multi-crore rural health scam.
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