Monday, 17th February, 2020


A page from the jail diary of Asaram Bapu

03, Sep 2013 By idiot420

Faking News has successfully hacked and downloaded a page of Asaram Bapu’s daily diary which he wrote online on Google document despite being in Jodhpur Jail. Take a look:

Woke up with my whole body aching. Had to sleep in jail and finally realized how tough a sadhu-sant’s life is without comfortable mattresses, AC, and other sleeping partners.

I was informed that Salman Khan too stayed in the same cell that was allotted to me. It reminded me of Katrina Kaif and Aishwarya Rai, and I couldn’t sleep well.

Asaram Bapu
Asaram Bapu before going to jail

Breakfast was quite simple – gud and sprouted chana. Finally I practiced what I used to preach.

I thought I’d make up on my lost sleep as I won’t need to organize any satsang, but some of the jail inmates happened to be my old followers and Ashram residents. They insisted on a satsang and I had to oblige. I think I made new followers too.

In fact, even the jailer is interested. This evening, he is bringing his friend who is pretty old and has lost interest in sex life. What nonsense. The news reports about my potency test have given wrong ideas to people. I requested the jailer to hold on his thoughts and wait for a few days.

To see what news channels were talking about me, I switched on TV in the jailer’s room. And guess what, a news channel was showing Nirmal Baba’s darbar.

I love the solutions he gives to his followers, simple and easy. He is like Chetan Bhagat of babagiri, broke the old system of giving complex and creepy solutions like sacrificing animals or worshiping skeletons. I think he’s making good money too. Aspiring babas should note.

Switched the news channel to another where they were showing parliament proceedings over missing coal scam files. I hope I have some followers in the police department who would work hard to make files related to my case go missing.

The news channel also claimed that Baba Ramdev had advised sages to keep away from women. Is that why he dresses up like a woman? He’s naïve and doesn’t get it. Only those who are close to a powerful woman in this country are safe. I’m being framed.

Changed channel again, and whoa! Fashion TV!