Dismal Café Rio to go under hammer, Arnab Goswami to replace entire crew

16, Jun 2014 By Sudhanshu Chopra

Mumbai. After drawing sharp criticism from Indian football fans since its very first broadcast on Sony Six, the pre-match football show Café Rio will now be seen in an entirely new avatar with television strongman Arnab Goswami taking over the reins.

The enthusiastic journalist will be seen single-highhandedly taking care of almost all the segments of the show, from hosting to offering expert comments; asking questions to answering them himself; opposing views and endorsing them simultaneously; and taking phone calls in which every time the caller would happen to be Arnab himself.

Clarifying any doubts on the versatility of Arnab, the producer of the show said, “Arnab is the most ultimate source of knowledge and wisdom to have ever babbled on this Earth. There is no need for separate football experts. Also he doesn’t let the experts speak anyway. So why waste money on the extras?”

Arnab playing all the roles himself.
Arnab all the way!

Sources report that the preparations have already begun. Arnab is busy finding faults and failures of every player playing in the World Cup, and constantly rehearsing how to take various unfamiliar Spanish and Italian names in the sternest of accents.

Rough drafts of tweets like “How’s being jobless working out for you, eh?” directed at the former crew members of Café Rio are also being readied by the eminent journalist. Besides this, he is also working on his good-cop image which requires him to hone his football-juggling skills since he has demanded to do away with advertisements in his show, and plans to entertain the audience himself in the breaks.

“What a dedication, man! I must learn something from him,” said the outgoing host, Gaurav Kapoor, after cracking a joke which no one found funny.

Reports are also rife that Arnab would be lending voice to the opening music of the show, which obviously would be composed by him only. Initially he was also inclined to take up the camera, but soon backed out.

“Working behind the camera actually required him to be behind the camera. That would mean not hogging the limelight on the screen, which was outright unacceptable to him,” said Nandu, the cameraman, who was relieved that he, unlike others, did not lose his job to the all-man.

As these rumours do the rounds, Arnab has already tweeted a selfie, titled “On the sets of Café ArnabRio. #NoTypoThere,” attracting aggressive applause from the Twitterverse for the pun intended.

These developments have also been welcomed by international football coaches and managers, who are very keen to know Arnab’s views on their and their teams’ performances, and thus mould their future strategies according to his wise words.

Indian football fans have been quick to point out that they would no longer miss the late night matches due to sleep, thanks to Arnab’s elocution skills.

“Arnab’s crackling voice would now keep us active and awake through the night, and well after dawn, making sure we don’t miss even a single minute of the midnight matches,” says Akshay, who has a habit of going to bed early.