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Johnny Depp pledges to act only in ‘Pirates’ sequels from now on

01, May 2014 By vettiguy

Florida, USA. In a move that caught his fans off-guard, Johnny Depp has indicated that he will act only in ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ sequels for the rest of his life.

It may have something to do with the global superstar’s latest venture Transcendence tanking horribly at the box office, following similar fates for The Lone RangerDark Shadows, and The Rum Diaries. One rarely gets to see these many flops in a row unless an episode of ‘Poker Stars’ is on TV.

Johnny Depp
Johnny Depp is even planning to change his name to Jack Sparrow.

To be fair (and in Depp’s defense), no one has made more money or fame as a pirate since the founder of BitTorrents back in the late 90s.

The actor made the dramatic announcement during an appearance on David Letterman. This was quite appropriate since Dave knows a thing or two about identifying a mediocre template for a show that sort of works and sticking to it doggedly for 30 years.

Compared to the first edition, the sequels have been steadily decreasing in quality but have somehow made money and kept people interested. Much like the Windows operating system or scions of the Gandhi family.

Walt Disney Pictures, which distributes the Pirates franchise, was suitably delighted. A statement from the studio read – “We are glad to see Johnny come to his senses and leave creativity and experimentation to other actors with talent. The truth is – he is a one hit wonder like M Night Shyamalan with The Sixth Sense or Jesus with The Bible.”

The studio also added this worrying note – “We will happily churn out an endless stream of ‘Pirates’ movies till the end of time or there is peace in the Middle East, whichever comes first.”

Accordingly, the 5th edition of the series “Pirates of the Caribbean: You Will Hate Yourself but Will Still Come and Watch it Anyway” is expected to hit theaters in the summer of 2015.