Thursday, 27th February, 2020


Offended by PK, Aliens from PK's planet now threaten to attack Earth

04, Jan 2015 By manithan

Somewhere in Rajasthan: Our Faking News reporter was travelling in his car in Rajasthan, when he encountered a woman with a book in the desert. She came to him and held his hand for few moments. Our reporter got confused and elated at the same time, yet tried to maintain his feminist fabric by asking her too many questions. After fifteen minutes, she started speaking to our reporter in English. Here is the conversation between the two:

FakingNews Reporter (FNR): Hello! Who are you? Why are you like this? Are you mad?

Woman with the book: I am from PK’s planet.

FNR: Oh my god! Are you an alien?

Alien: Yes. And I want some info on theaters running PK here in Earth.

FNR: Why?

Alien: I’m here to do reconnaissance of theaters running PK and location of PK movie discs, so that I can send signal to our spaceship hovering outside that can attack those places in a matter of seconds.

FNR (feels a lump in his throat): No. Please don’t do that. Why are you targeting humans?

Alien: This is order from our planet’s ruler. Are you going to help me or die?

FNR: Hey, I can’t. I am a reporter and so I won’t help anyone. My job is to report anything that happens, as fast as possible, with some masala. And I’m a reporter and so you cannot kill me.

Alien: Masala? What is that?

FNR: It is something that is spicy. Like breaking the news of 150 people killed in bomb blast with gory visuals that will increase our TRPs.

An artistic rendition of the Alien that our reporter got in touch(not physical) with. Her whole picture cropped to save our culture (and left to your brains to think of the rest)
An artistic rendition of the Alien that our reporter got in touch (not physical) with. Her whole picture cropped to save our culture (and left to your brains to think of the rest)

Alien: Aww! So, you will telecast our attacks too?

FNR: Yes! India never had an alien attack. Aliens which visit India either falls in love with heroine or becomes brother of hero.

Alien: Then I think it is time for the action. (touches the remote). All it needs is location of the theaters and warehouse.

FNR: Hey wait! First tell us, why you need to attack PK film?

Alien: It has offended us.

FNR: Er.. what??!?

Alien: PK is arrested and ex-communicated from our planet groups. He is now in a jail, locked behind the dark matter, invisible to the rest of the universe.

FNR: Why?

Alien: Because, he broke our protocols. First, we told him to find a suitable planet for sending our future generations to study. Our planet’s education system has rotten and we have to find a new planet to build new education system. But, he came to Earth and that too to this place, where kids are tortured to get 99 out of 100. Also, there is a directive in our planet that we should never visit Earth, because Americans had killed our brothers from other stellar systems. Not only this, he had smuggled many of our brothers to Earth to convert them like him. He made a lot of crimes breaking our laws and hence jailed for 20 years.

FNR: Jailed? (chuckles) Anyhow, he will be out to act in some movies na?

Alien: In your dreams. Our planet has no bails and no paroles. And your Sanjay Dutt cannot free him, as he will be invisible.

FNR: Coming to the movie part, why is it offensive?

Alien: One of our friend who came here on tour with PK during his revisit, got chance to watch movie made on him called as PK itself. When he returned back, we saw the movie from his brain. We were outraged.Our planetlings should never wear dress. PK not only wore dress, but was in different costumes. If they take movie based on my landing, will they give me tape recorder plus cassette to not appear in our natural form to you earthlings? We never eat anything, but PK ate carrots and many other chewing gums. We never had names, but PK got labelled PK. Now, this dangerous form of naming which is Earthly tradition is slowly ruining our planet’s indigenous culture. This is highly offensive to our culture and tradition.

FNR: Any more sentiments hurt?

Alien: A lot! He brought back some old sound playing device, while we are born with data chunks of the size of universe. More than that, the worst thing is he was lured by that Jaggu girl under the pretext of love, but it was actually Love Alien conspiracy. Already, we would have lost one Alien from Avatar clan, but thankfully, she converted him before he could. We don’t want to lose PK. This is offensive and so we had to do gharwapsi to him. That is also one of the reasons for imprisoning him.

FNR: But you are pretty late. This movie is the highest earning one and everyone is celebrating it.

Alien (touching her remote hung around her neck): You guys already tortured Jadoo from our neighbor system by making him dance to your tunes. And now, PK had to sing your songs in that movie. We will take revenge.

Saying so, she levitated the phone from our reporter’s pocket and grabbed it in her hands. After few minutes, she threw it back at him.

Alien: I got the whole info from the chain of websites you have in your mobile phone. Inform your earth rulers to stop screening the movie that is offending our sentiments or else we will attack those theaters soon. Also, who is that Sunnyleone_1, Sunnyleone_2 in your mobile? A captive from our planet? If so, we will have to rescue her too.

While she was taken away by the spaceship, our reporter broke into sweats thinking over his fate, in case, Sunny Leone is taken away from Earth.