Mumbai. Constant critic of everything under the sun except his thick locks of salt and pepper hair, Mr. Suhel Seth has finally decided to go for an image makeover. He announced in a massive eight-way debate on Times Now channel last night that he was about to change his approach – from a hyper, sullen, pessimistic and outraged tone he would now move onto something more positive, constructive and smiling.
A shocked anchor Mr Arnab Goswami grilled Suhel Seth for half an hour to force him to reveal what were on his mind actually. The debate on “Should Arundhati Roy be electrocuted for her anti-India speech?” took a sudden turn as everyone started pleasantly quizzing Suhel Seth.
He, however, refused to divulge more, giving instead only his sample of what we can expect in days to come:
Instead of “What’s the political class doing to this goddam nation (chew chew) -eating it alive (pant pant)?” he will now say, “We must request our politicians to serve us better.”
Instead of “For 60eee years, like idiots, we have been mute spectators to the loot and rape of this nation (sigh sigh)!” he will now offer a saintly, “Our glorious history of 6 decades deserves due accolades.”
Instead of “The Hindu fundamentalists deserve to be ostracized and hung on the streets of India (grrr grrr)!” he will now pray, “Our Hindus have a point that’s well taken, and needs a debate.”
And instead of a high-decibel and fast-pitched “Notttthing ever comes out of these JPC reports!” he would offer a dovish, “Our parliament is our national temple, to be revered and loved!”
Post his announcement, Hindu groups reveled on the streets in many cities, as they thought that one of the biggest hurdles in the construction of the Ram Mandir was gone. Simultaneously, various pressure groups, lobbyists, school principals, Advertising professionals, politicians, housemaids, housewives, models, Bollywood stars, drivers, chaiwallahs and cheating-husbands also celebrated with gay abandon this new found freedom from Suhel Seth’s massively intellectual attacks that would generally leave reputations tattered like a venomous cobra snake that’s defanged substantially after a vicious mongoose attack.
Mr. Suhel Seth, in private conversation with a media personality, shared that this new approach owed its origin to Sri Sri Sri Ravi Shankar’s exhortation that only through peace, love and introspection can the deep problems of humanity – like the poorly functioning Symbian OS etc. – can be solved. He was deeply touched, he says, by this sage’s suggestions.
Suhel also promised that he would now appear on as many TV debates as he has till date, to make up for the damage he has done so far in this lifetime. In case he fails to settle the score, he promised he will be reborn as Arnab Goswami to quickly cover the balance, even as he conceded that Barkha Dutt too was not a bad choice if the gods didn’t screw up on the sex-change part.
[submitted by Inane Stupidities Amplified (I S Amplified)]