Tuesday, 28th January, 2020


An open letter to Lalit Modi (please tell us the truth before you go)

20, Apr 2010 By Pagal Patrakar

Preity Zinta (left) and Lalit Modi
It’s widely believed that whenever he gets a letter, Lalit Modi reads between the lines

Dear Lalit,

Dude, stop gawking at that girl, and concentrate on this letter.

That’s better.

At the outset I want to make it clear that I am not your fan, not even on facebook. In fact, starting today, facebook tried to make things easier by removing the concept of being a fan; now they just ask you to like something. Nice step, but too late, now I don’t even like you.

Why? Because Shashi Tharoor had to resign after you tweeted about Sunanda Pushkar. I don’t care man whether he was right or wrong, but you were completely wrong with your timing. Barely a week had passed since Shashi Tharoor started following Faking News on twitter, and now he’s jobless.

Do you realize that India TV could invite some taantrik and analyze the kundli of Faking News to find out if this was the reason Tharoor lost his job? They can very easily declare Faking News as manhoos (sinister and inauspicious) as it was born (founded) on a day Lehman Brothers went bankrupt. And this could cause Gul Panag to feel jittery as she was next to follow Faking News on twitter.

Seriously, what were you thinking when you tweeted that? Were you high on cocaine or has success got into your head?

Success? What success? What did you risk to get it? If IPL was a flop show, it wouldn’t have cost you a rupee. SRK, Mallya, Ambani and others would have got poorer, and of course BCCI that runs on public money would have got poorer, which means the tax payers were taking the risk, not you. You were just getting richer, as the Income Tax department has been saying for over six months now.

And don’t tell me that IPL was your brainchild; you just changed one word of ICL and applied the business model of EPL. If IPL is your brainchild, I’m the father of fake news reporting.

In fact, I feel so sorry for Subhash Chandra, look what you have done:

ICL (Indian Cricket League) – IPL (Indian Premier League) Mumbai Champs – Mumbai Indians Chennai Superstars – Chennai Super Kings Chandigarh Lions – Kings XI Punjab (with lions in their logo) Royal Bengal Tigers – Kolkata Knight Riders (hmmm…) Hyderabad Heroes – Deccan Chargers (full marks for this) Delhi Giants – Delhi Daredevils Ahmedabad Rockets – oh fuck, this Tharoor guy spoiled the fun

I seriously don’t understand why could Shashi Tharoor not see this and had to go crazy about a Kochi team, could he not have waited for another year?

Anyway, he had to resign for his love, but I hear that you too could be asked to resign. LOL!

Okay, sorry! But before you go, could you blow the lid completely off this drama called IPL? I promise that I’d like you on facebook for this.

You know, people are talking all kinds of things about IPL. This makes me feel so guilty after watching an IPL match, just like I feel guilty after watching porn. I might have watched it for momentary pleasure, but indirectly I could be guilty of helping human trafficking and forced prostitution. Easy, I meant watching porn, what were you thinking?

So please tell us the truth before you go. And don’t tell us any cock-and-bull story like you claimed that someone had hacked your twitter account. Come on, were you not trying your AdultFriendFinder password on twitter before you suddenly realized the mistake? This is human, accept and move on.

And yeah, don’t worry if you lose your job, Vishal Bhardwaj is planning a sequel to Kaminey, and he might drop Shahid Kapoor and pick you for the role. Fuper! Fahi ja rahe ho doft!

Yours truly,

Pagal Patrakar (PP).

(by the way, my friend Khamba too wrote a letter to you and wanted me to deliver it to you, but I thought you may not like it, if you have time, maybe you could check it out here)