Rahul Gandhi responds to Jayanthi Natarajan's letter bomb

30, Jan 2015 By Mahesh Jagga

Faking News found this letter somewhere on Tughlak Road, Delhi. Though we cannot vouch of its authenticity, It seems to be a letter written by Mr. Rahul Gandhi, Vice President of Congress in response to another letter written by Ms. Jayanti Natarajan, ex cabinet minister and now, ex congresswomen.

Dear Ms. Jayanthi  Natar…. (Please fill in the blanks)

I read your letter addressed to Mummy with great concern. I am sure Mummy knows best how to deal with your ilk, however, I am responding to those references in your letter which relate to me.

Rahul Gandhi Sitting
Come back, Jayanthi, all would be forgiven

Regarding your allegations that I did not grant an appointment to see you or talk to you, well, it is a mischievous, malicious and condemnable misrepresentation of facts and they do not do justice to me.

Did you think of me and the difficult situation I was in when you called me?

Please ponder over this. You are on a Mediterranean beach in Spain, relaxing on a bench which was made for one but is accommodating two, a glass of Manzanilla in hand, scents of Chanel No. 5 overpowering your senses, sound of the surf ringing in your ears like music, and

the phone rings!

Irritated, you disentangle yourself, find a spot to place the glass (remember, the bench is accommodating two people), fish the phone out of sand and find it is Jayanthi something.

How would you respond other than saying, “I am running a bit busy today, call me some other day?”

In fact, you can be accused of distracting the party leaders from doing what they are required to do to take the party to newer heights! It is almost like an anti party activity!

Regarding your accusation on not been given party work after your resignation, well, let me tell you something. In order to serve the party, it is not mandatory to be visible on television 24 hours a day or sleep in dalit huts every night or use sufficiently obfuscating motherhood phrases to impress the voters. It is more important to know how the party would get benefited.

Sometimes the party can benefit if you cease to exist!

There comes a situation when your visibility is more damaging to the party than your absence. If you are not there, you won’t open your mouth, won’t put your foot into it and won’t waste party’s precious resources to take it out of your mouth. That is the time to vanish from public glare. Though one has to, occasionally, make short appearances to quell the rumours that you have fled!

You would remember old Bollywood movies where villain is telling his henchman, “Robert, you stay out of sight for some time, Police is looking for you now.” The concept is similar.

Let me also remind you that one needs a very high level of intellect to grasp this concept. If you have not understood this it shows up as a chink in the loyal armour but as leaders, it is a weakness on our part too. I must remember to ask Ahmed Patel to include this concept in all worker training programs.

But aren’t we doing all this in the interest of the party?

Let me remind you what my great grandfather and first Prime Minister of India, Jawaharlal Nehru said, “Don’t ask what your party can do for you. Instead ask what you can do for your party.”

Considering above, I request you to retract the letter.

Choose the glorious but the easiest way, call a press conference and say that you don’t agree with the spirit and contents of the letter while tearing a copy of the letter to smithereens. I can ask Ajay Maken to be available to pick up the pieces if you so desire.

It would shift media focus to the act of tearing this letter. Importantly, your act would be compared with mine (remember the ordinance?), giving a great boost to your standing. Imagine! Generations of your family would remember this comparison with pride.

It would ensure that media would not discuss the letter’s contents for at least one week and as my grandmother and great Prime Minister of India, Mrs Indira Gandhi said, “A week is a long time in politics.”

Best regards,

Rahul Gandhi

PS: You have plagiarized my concept of repeating phrases and sentences several times. You have repeated that when you were asked to resign, you were not informed about wrong doings attributed to you, a full seven times in a single letter. This is exact copy of my concept of repeating women empowerment and changing the system eight to ten times in a speech of four minutes. Such blatant plagiarism is not acceptable.

Also, let me tell you that repetitions do not make any impact. If they did, I would have been Prime Minister.

PPS : It is difficult to remember surnames with more than five or six characters. Could you please choose a shorter surname? Like Gandhi, Nehru, Vadra etc.