New Delhi. Faking News editorial team was rolling on the floor laughing their asses off as various people in politics and media got their sentiments hurt by a tweet of Dr. Shashi Tharoor. But after we got our asses senses back, we realized that maybe Dr. Tharoor should be careful in the future. Our editorial team has compiled ten sample scenarios and corresponding tweets that Dr. Tharoor should avoid.
Scenario 1: Tharoor needs to contact the district magistrate of a remote village in Chhattisgarh to let him know that there was some export possibilities of a local herb to the European countries, but the village is not well connected in terms of telephony and electricity. Tharoor tweets: I am going to fall back upon snail mail to contact the DM. Ensuing controversy: After calling cattle, Tharoor now calls common man a snail.
Scenario 2: Tharoor visits Kashmir valley with the Home Minister after some unfortunate bomb blast carried out by Pak-backed terrorists that killed innocent civilians, including some toddlers in a pre-school. Tharoor tweets: Oh my! Those little children were so ridiculously young to have suffered such a horrible death. Ensuing controversy: Tharoor ridicules death of poor Muslim kids.
Scenario 3: Some urgent work in the External Affairs ministry needs to be finished as the deadline is quite near. Tharoor asks his staff members to work even in the night to get the job done. Tharoor tweets: I hope the guys will excuse me for putting them through a graveyard shift. Ensuing controversy: Tharoor thinks just a few extra hours of work can kill his staff members.
Scenario 4: Tharoor had made a staff member work in the night shift against his wishes, but he lets him have a day off the next working day and wishes him to have a rocking day. Tharoor tweets: I guess I was rude at my secy. Finally we have kissed and made up. Ensuing controversy: Tharoor is having an affair with his secretary.
Scenario 5: Tharoor is on a personal holiday in Mauritius. He realizes he has splurged more than required on shopping and sightseeing. Tharoor tweets: It’s very tempting. I have lost my shirt shopping here, be careful my friends! Ensuing controversy: Should a minister of India move shirtless in a foreign country? SMS “yes” or “no” to 6969. You could win a trip to Mauritius.
Scenario 6: On his personal holiday in Mauritius, Tharoor goes on a long drive. Tharoor tweets: The ride was better than sex. Ensuing controversy: Cabinet Minister talks about his sex life in public.
Scenario 7: Congress sweeps the assembly elections in Tamilnadu (okay, maybe not a scenario at all, but still, let’s consider it). Tharoor tweets: Whoa! My party seems to have the luck of the devil! Ensuing controversy: Tharoor likens Congress with the devil, could be expelled soon.
Scenario 8: Tharoor realizes his tweets are doing no good to his reputation and relationship with the party and the Gandhi family. He decides to indulge in some real social networking and pays a courtesy call to Rahul Gandhi. Tharoor tweets: Rahul Gandhi really has an old head on young shoulders. Ensuing controversy: Tharoor thinks Rahul’s head is not young anymore.
Scenario 9: Tharoor is somehow not expelled and is not even removed from the post. He goes to Morocco on an official tour. After coming back he addresses a press conference where he recounts each and every details of his tour to the journalists. Tharoor tweets: I told every fool thing about the tour. Ensuing controversy: Tharoor calls journalists fool.
Scenario 10: Tharoor is now completely pissed off with his tweet controversies and wants to get over it and concentrate on his work. Tharoor tweets: Can they please call off the dogs and let me wok. Ensuing controversy: After calling them fool, Tharoor now calls the journalists dogs. The minister must be removed.