Faking News

Gmail accounts of women accessed by anti-reservation lobby

Pagal Patrakar — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 12:18:12 +0000

New Delhi. A senior Google official told Faking News on Thursday that groups considered opposed to Women’s Reservation Bill had accessed Gmail accounts of thousands of women in the past few weeks. These groups read emails and chat-scripts of these women and analyzed their contact lists, and even tried to send fake e-mails from their accounts. But Google has assured that the attacked accounts were now safe, and people need not worry.

“Yes, it’s true that a few groups, mostly made of middle-aged men, were behind these attacks. But our security systems could identify by this breach in time. The compromised accounts are safe now. We can’t name the suspects as a few of them are powerful politicians.” said the Google official on conditions of anonymity.

Indian women are believed to be envious of and fighting with women from their own families than those of other communities

It’s believed that the attackers wanted to find out if there was any conspiracy by women to subjugate men and take over the world and if women from the same castes and communities flocked together. Many of the attackers also wished to find out if women belonging to different communities had different views on the Women’s Reservation Bill.

“Well, I don’t think they could have got anything. We ran our contextual text-reading algorithm on these accounts for advertisements optimized for keywords such as reservation and parliament, and we found nothing relevant. Yeah, a lot of stuff showed up for bill, but all of them had associated keywords like coffee, clothes, or jewelry.” informed the Google official, quickly adding that running Google’s text-reading algorithm shouldn’t be confused with unauthorized access of these accounts.

But the most serious breach of privacy by the men’s groups could have been in sending fake e-mails from these compromised accounts. “They sent abusive mails from one account to the accounts of women belonging to different communities.” revealed the official.

“Death to your clan!” read a mail sent from Aasha to Salma, to which Salma apparently replied, “Bitch, how many times I have to tell you I’m not a lesbo?”

“I think women completely missed the point there. Most of them fought on boyfriends, television serials, shoes, photographs, etc. after receiving abusive messages.” said the Google official, who parried the questions on how he could come to know about these exchanges of communications.

Google has warned that if such breach of security into their systems continued, they might be forced to wind up business in India.

IIM student has started believing his salary quoted by media

Pagal Patrakar — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 08:20:18 +0000

New Delhi. In a serious development raising concerns of his well being, an IIM student has started believing that he would actually be getting the same amount of cash in hand as has been reported by media for being his annual salary. The 24-year-old student from one of the top IIMs (campus withheld to protect identity) bagged a job offer of 1.92 crore rupees as per media reports.

“Wow, that’s 16 lakh rupees per month, almost four times what my father earns in the whole year.” said Vikash (name changed), whose father works in the electricity board in Indore. Vikash would be working as an Associate with a leading investment bank in London.

An IIM student is expected to earn millions of dollars, if he can’t, he is a loser

Vikash is planning to buy a new house, five new air-conditioners and a new car, and would soon be proposing to that girl from his school, who is now studying fashion designing. He’s confident of leading a dignified life with his head held high, as he believes that he can soon earn an amount that will be sufficient for his family for an entire lifetime.

“Sorry HDFC, I don’t need your plans.” said Vikash, referring to the plea of HDFC Standard Life Insurance Company to insure life or leave back so much money after death that a person’s family can use it to meet their expenses and not worry about any other source of income.

But Vikash’s confidence and calculations have started worrying his friends and authorities at the IIM. They believe that Vikash has got carried away after being interviewed and reported by various media channels.

“We are really worried now. He might go into depression when he realizes that London is way too expensive city and and his salary includes non-cash, non-payable, variable, and one-time components, apart from an insurance component in his case which he is frowning upon. And then he has to pay taxes. Every IIM student knows it; don’t know what happened to him in the past few days.” said the placement coordinator of the concerned IIM.

Attempts by friends and authorities to dissuade Vikash from such massive future planning have come a cropper for the time being, but they are hopeful of pulling things back in time.

Meanwhile reports about Vikash bagging such prized job have instilled hope in many other IIM aspirants to rewrite their destiny.

“Clearly economy is recovering and jobs are back with huge salaries. I am so happy.” said Samir, a salesman attending evening classes to get into top b-schools.

Dogs name Arundhati Roy as mediator for talks with Maoists

Pagal Patrakar — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 07:31:32 +0000

Kolkata. Barely a day after Maoists announced a diktat to poison all the dogs in Jhargram-Lalgarh area of West Bengal, dogs have announced their willingness to talk to the Maoists and arrive at a peaceful solution. Dogs have named Maneka Gandhi and Arundhati Roy as their choices for the role of mediators. Maoists had directed killings of dogs as they suspected them of conniving with security forces.

“We are one of the most disadvantaged sections of the society and were never given our due. We are fighting a battle of survival here. We don’t want bloodshed and we are ready for talks, but the Maoists must stop their poisoning drive before that.” said Kuttanandan, leader of Movement for Dog Rights (MDR).

Most dogs in the area have been depressed since the news broke out about Maoists planning to poison them

Maneka Gandhi, a politician and Animals Rights activist, was quick to accept the offer of being the mediator, but Arundhati Roy was seen wishy-washy.

“It’s a very complex issue. You see, dogs have a long association with corporate houses – from starring in mobile ads to creating a market for dog foods. Before I would comment, I will have to analyze it deeper, at least in 25000 words, to understand this symbiotic relationship between the canines and corporate interests.” said the famous fiction writer.

Dogs have expressed shock at the statement of Arundhati Roy, and feared that Ms. Roy was being driven by some prejudices or personal bias against the dogs.

“We want to make it clear to Ms. Roy and all other writers that dog-eared books have got nothing to do with the dogs. In fact, a dog-eared book could actually be a sign of popularity of that book and writers should welcome it. We sincerely hope that we are not in the bad books of our writers.” Kuttanandan also denied any association with the corporate houses and made a passionate appeal to all the writers and activists to help them out of this trouble.

Maoists have not yet responded to the offer of talk by the dogs, but experts believe that the prospects of such talks were very bleak and it won’t be a cake walk for either Maneka Gandhi or even Arundhati Roy to broker peace between the Maoists and the Dogs.

“Maoists don’t find dogs trustworthy and want the dogs to stop barking, which is the nature of the dogs. I don’t know how a solution can be arrived at. We are heading towards a showdown.” feared Debu, an expert on conflicts.

Women’s Reservation Bill passed with quota for Men within it

Pagal Patrakar — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 08:09:39 +0000

New Delhi. In a historical decision announced on the occasion of International Women’s Day, Indian parliament today unanimously passed the long-pending Women’s Reservation Bill, clearing the deck for 33% reservation for women in parliamentary and assembly seats. To secure support from all parties, a little modification was brought into the bill – there would be now 80% quota within this quota for men i.e. human-beings with masculine features.

“This is one small step for a woman, but a giant leap for the mankind.” said a visibly satisfied Lalu Prasad Yadav, who has been one of the most virulent critics of the bill in its pristine form and have been demanding a quota within quota for the socially disadvantaged groups.

Lalu Prasad Yadav and other leaders opposing the bill were quite cool with no quota for OBC, Muslims, and Dalits being provisioned in the changed bill.

“Men from these disadvantaged communities are capable enough to contest and win when pitched against men or women from different communities, we only doubted the capabilities of our women.” said an outspoken Mulayam Singh Yadav, whose daughter-in-law was defeated in a by-election last November.

Women MPs celebrating the passage of Women’s Reservation Bill by the parliament

Apart from these original opponents of the bill, many other members too expressed happiness after this quota within quota for men was introduced within the bill.

“Honestly, the bill makes more sense now.” said a Congress MP, with a smile.

But women rights groups have expressed outrage over the modification, claiming that the change had executed the soul of the bill. These groups are planning to move to the Supreme Court of India to get the law struck down on grounds of being unconstitutional.

“In essence, now they have debarred women from contesting 27% of the total seats, what crap is this?” protested Aarushi, a woman rights activist, swearing to fight a long drawn battle to get the bill restored and passed in its original form.

Interestingly, one of the legal recourses being considered by some of these activists is to interpret the definition of ‘men’ in the changed bill.

“Since they have defined men as human beings with masculine features, we could argue that women with masculine features qualify for the reservation. And perhaps that’s what is needed. Women need to adopt some masculine features like aggression and violence, if they are to be taken seriously for political participation.” postulated Rakhi Sawant, a leading feminist and lawyer.

Sunday Magazine: The curious case of Rahul Mahajan’s marriage

Pagal Patrakar — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 10:10:14 +0000

So finally Rahul Mahajan got married and the national breathed a sigh of relief. But the incident has left the society grappling with some existentialist questions that were brushed off when Rakhi Sawant’s sawayamvar had trigged them. This week’s Sunday Magazine takes a closer look at those questions, while we also celebrate the Indian Hockey Team’s stellar performance.

And yeah, meet the JK Cement Bikini Model.

Sunday Magazine of Faking News dated 7 March 2010

Matric examinee angry at family for not helping him with cheating

Pagal Patrakar — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 17:00:54 +0000

Navada, Bihar. Murli Prasad, a third-time matriculation examinee, has expressed deep frustration over the half-hearted attempts by his father and elder brother in helping him cheat during the ongoing class Xth board examinations. The 17-year-old fears that he might fail yet again at the exams for no faults of his own. Murli has also blamed the education system for failing to create a level playing field for all the students.

“Other students’ parents and guardians jump over fences and scale walls to deliver the purzas (chits of papers with answers), while my brother recklessly threw a piece of paper that landed three rows behind.” Murli complained and dreaded the outcome. “If I fail the exams again, I shouldn’t be held responsible.”

Murli was hoping to get pass marks this year and study bio at higher secondary to become a doctor; a dream that might remain a dream for one more year. His elder brother, who is studying History after having failed to qualify for Engineering, has pleaded innocence as he was struck by a police laathi (bamboo stick) while throwing the chit towards Murli, resulting in the chit falling off target.

Family members of examinees do their best to help their wards receive quality education

But the explanation has failed to pacify Murli Prasad, who believes his family has let him down at such a crucial juncture of his life.

“Police has been there for ages and for everyone, still cheating has been continuing. I deserved better.” Murli rued, who is now planning to complain to the state education minister so that no other student has to suffer academically due to his or her family background.

“Even though I’m disappointed, my heart goes out to those students whose family members are not in a position to help them. The government must look into these matters.” Murli said.

When asked, state education minister expressed regret that some students had to suffer due to such shortcomings in the system, but he expressed hope that all problems would go away once the class Xth board examinations were abolished after a few years.

MPs could undergo sex change surgeries to bypass women’s reservation

Pagal Patrakar — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 14:30:36 +0000

New Delhi. A study undertaken by Faking News Intelligence Group (FNIG) has revealed that many Indian politicians could go for sex-change surgeries to bypass the provisions of women’s reservation bill whenever it becomes a law. The bill provisions for one-third of the parliamentary seats to be reserved for contest by women candidates only, and it has met sharp opposition from many members of the parliament in the past.

The study was conducted through interviews and focused group discussions among existing and potential politicians, and vital inputs were solicited from lawyers, doctors, and mathematicians. The study reveals that there was 99.53% chances of a person undergoing sex change operation (from being a man into being a woman) to either enjoy the benefits of the reservation or to salvage one’s parliamentary seat.

The future of Indian politics – pregnant with possibilities

“Reservations based on one’s gender are vulnerable to be misused. Just like religion-based reservations can encourage religious conversions, gender-based reservation can encourage sexual conversions.” FNIG report pointed out the inherent risk in the bill.

The report suggests that the qualification of ‘being a woman’ must be properly and comprehensively defined in the bill before it is passed.

The report advocates for setting up a Central Bureau for Identification of Gender (CBI-G) for issuing ‘sex certificates’.

“CBI-G must award woman certificates to only those persons, who have been a full-functioning woman for at least fifteen continuous years at that time. The definition of a full-functioning woman should be made as stringent as possible, similar to what they use in athletics.” the FNIG report suggested.

Leaders from the kill-bill parties like Samajwadi Party, RJD, BSP, et al. have welcomed the findings of the FNIG report, and have cautioned the government not to push the women’s reservation bill in wake of the new findings.

“We always knew that there was a conspiracy, and it was an ill-thought bill.” Mualayam Singh Yadav sounded like saying this while welcoming the findings.

But women’s rights groups have criticized these leaders and have rejected the finding of the report. They have also accused FNIG of being full of male chauvinist pigs, who were trying to scuttle the passage of the bill that has been pending for over 15 years now. We reject these charges.

Fortunately, some women’s rights activists have come out in support of Faking News and have welcomed the findings of the report, although they didn’t agree with the suggestion of making the definition of a full-functioning woman too stringent.

“I guess it would be a welcome development if men underwent sex-change surgeries. We have just too many men around today. The sex ratio of our country is skewed badly and is causing all sorts of problems. If the FNIG report is true, finally we can see more women being born, who were otherwise denied birth.” Anandi, a women’s rights activist opined.

Women’s reservation bill could be tabled yet again in the parliament on March 8, incidentally the International Women’s Day, and it would be interesting to see what impact FNIG report has on its future.

Baba calling babe – Godman caught with callgirls claims he has split personality

Pagal Patrakar — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 14:25:40 +0000

New Delhi. Godman Shiv Murat Dwivedi, also known as Ichchhadhari Sant Swami Bhimanand, who was arrested a few days back for running a high profile sex racket, has claimed that he was suffering from schizophrenia i.e. split personality, and had no idea what his evil twin was doing. Following this, his lawyers have moved a petition in Delhi High Court to get the Godman released on medical grounds.

“I am a god fearing celibate saint in my original life, but I have been suffering from this personality disorder for a long time now. In fact, this is the reason why my followers started calling me Ichchhadhari (someone who changes shapes at will).” Dwivedi said in an exclusive interview with Faking News.

Dwivedi also appealed to everyone to watch the latest Bollywood flick Karthik Calling Karthik, where the protagonist named Karthik, played by Farhan Akhtar, had no idea that his own evil twin (a part of his own personality) was calling him and making his life miserable as hell.

A promotional poster of the movie Karthik Calling Karthik. Apparently, Karthik (on left) is calling and talking to himself.

“This evil part in me had been running this sex racket, while I had no idea. Would you sympathize with Karthik or put him behind bars?” Dwivedi argued and pleaded for mercy in his case.

The move has foxed policemen and activists demanding for a law to regulate Godmanship. While the police officials have refused to comment on the latest developments as the matter was now sub-judice, the activists have taken strong objection to the statements by Swami Bhimanand.

“What crap is he talking about? This is just another instance of a celebrity trying to get shifted to a hospital after being locked up in a jail. It’s high time we had jail-like hospitals for high profile criminals where doctors are trained as policemen.” demanded one of the protestors.

Delhi High Court has called for a hearing in this matter on next Monday, which means that the fallen Godman will have to spend this weekend in jail.

Meanwhile, followers of Swami Bhimanand have arranged for special screenings of Karthik Calling Karthik among common citizens to raise awareness about schizophrenia and to prove the innocence of the Godman.

Sensing that this new twist in the tale could save Swami Bhimanand, another fallen Godman Swami Nityananda, who was seen having nice time with a couple of Tamil actresses on television, too has claimed innocence. Talking to our special correspondent Subodh Kolhapure, Swami Nityananda blamed inanity among people for the controversy.

“Common people have failed to realize the duality of the body and the soul. Why can’t people realize that even though the physical body shown in the video was mine, I was not there? I am defined by my soul and my soul was in Switzerland at that time, in high mountains, engaged in contemplative meditation.” Swami Nityananda said, adding, “If you observe carefully the video that was aired by that Sin TV (sic), you would realize how detached even my physical body was in all the action. It is a state difficult to achieve for mere mortals, and inane people have misinterpreted the whole act.”

The Southern Swami also claimed that his body never indulged in any sexual act at all, and whatever was seen on camera should be seen as the actresses’ attempt to unravel the spiritual mystery of life.

“The poor actress had seen all the materialistic side of the world during her acting career and was tired of faking love on the screen. I was teaching her the ultimate union of Yin and Yang – the core message was duality.” explained Swami Nityananda.

It remains to be seen if these duality arguments (dual personality and dual philosophy) can save both the swamis.

Possibility of having Gorillas on Mars fails to excite monkeys

Pagal Patrakar — Thu, 04 Mar 2010 08:18:05 +0000

New Delhi. Latest reports indicating presence of Gorillas on Mars might have stirred up passions and curiosity among the human beings, but the incident has had no effect on world’s apes and monkeys. Most of the monkeys whom Faking News could talk to, showed no excitement or emotions whatsoever over the latest findings. The possibility of Gorillas inhabiting Mars was revealed after scientists released pictures taken by Mars Spirit Rover.

“Who cares man?” was the nonchalant and rather contemptuous response of Munnu, the monkey at Patna Zoo. “There might be Gorillas there, so what? Are they (human beings) going to build zoos over there too? Or are they going to start Save our Gorillas campaign now?” wondered Munnu.

The daily routine of most of the monkeys remained undisturbed even after the news went public

Similar sentiments were echoed by monkeys of all breeds and build, who thought that the so-called discovery didn’t mean anything to them.

“First they claimed to find aliens, then water, and now Gorillas on Mars. What’s going on boss? Next they would claim that there were terrorists on Mars and NASA will attack its surface. Or maybe they would start naming Gorillas on Mars after their heroes. But a Gorilla called Shah Rukh Khan is not as flattering as a Lunar Crater named SRK, eh?” mocked another monkey approached by our reporter.

The monkeys told us not to bother them with such useless pieces of information and asked us find out when the prices of bananas and other fruits could come down in the commodities market. Monkeys complained that they were not being fed with as much bananas these days as before, and they feared if feeding monkeys was getting financially exacting for their patrons.

Our reporter excused himself to interview other monkeys, who could share the excitement of human beings. After much hunting and persuasion, a few monkeys, especially those living around temple areas, agreed to comment on the issue, although even they seemed least excited about it. These monkeys believed that the finding was something they already knew about.

“Mars is known as Mangal in Hindi, and Mangal is the day of Lord Hanuman. We always knew that there was some connection between Monkeys and Mars. It doesn’t come as a surprise or any discovery to us.” said Babu, the monkey residing near Sankat Mochan Temple in Varanasi.

But despite the lukewarm response of the monkeys, human beings continue to greet the news with much fanfare.

“Oh cool! We could have a new King Kong movie where the giant ape strikes down a NASA space shuttle to save a sexy astronaut. Man, this is fantastic!” said George, a scriptwriter at Universal Studios when apprised of the latest finding by the modern science.

Controversy erupts over nude Sheikh painting by M F Husain

Pagal Patrakar — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 21:45:47 +0000

Doha, Qatar. Within a few days of him accepting the Qatari citizenship, noted painter Maqbool Fida Husain is facing a fresh controversy. One of his lesser known paintings, The Nude Dude, has been deemed to depict an Arab Sheikh in a nude posture. Although Husain denies it, various Arab groups have accused the former Indian painter of deliberately insulting the Arabic culture in general and Sheikhdom in particular.

“This is unacceptable. We condemn it in the strongest possible manner. Nudity is not a part of our culture and no one has ever seen a nude sheikh. In fact, you would even struggle to find images of a nude sheikh if you Google for it. We have no idea what made Mr. Husain paint such stuff.” a group calling itself Awesome Arabs Association (AAA) protested.

The concerned painting is a derivative form of Leonardo da Vinci’s famous drawing The Vitruvian Man, except that the man in the painting is wearing a Keffiyeh (Arabic scarf or headdress) on his head.

M F Husain, who is not new to controversies surrounding nudity and walks bare foot, has thoroughly denied that The Nude Dude was any attempt to hurt the Arabs or the Sheikhs.

“There is no nudity in the picture. One has to see things in perspective. I have tried to send out a message that the Western world and the Arab world could co-exist, and in fact, they look beautiful together. People should concentrate on the message, and not fret over the medium.” M F Husain defended his painting.

He further informed that the name The Nude Dude was not of his choosing, and the name was invented by media after the painting was put on exhibition by some unknown groups.

But the explanation by Husain has failed to pacify the likes of AAA activists, who have threatened to file hundreds of legal cases against him as was done by some Indian groups. In fact, more trouble could be coming the way of Husain as a few people have interpreted the painting to be critical of an Arab Sheikh, even if the nudity part was ignored.

“The Vitruvian Man is also known as Proportions of Man, and now we see a Sheikh over there. I think Mr. Husain is sending out a signal to the Arab Sheikhs to have some sense of proportion in their lavish ways.” said a pro-democracy activist on conditions of anonymity.

No official response has yet been received from the office of Emir of Qatar over this controversy, but legal experts inform us that if His Highness took offence to the latest paintings, M F Husain could be jailed for up to fifteen years in some Qatari jail without having the right to appeal.

“One has all the freedom here, but Emirs and Sheikhs must not be insulted. But I’m hopeful for Husain. Qatar is the most progressive Arab state.” said E G Baby, an Indian expatriate working in Doha.

The now controversial painting by M F Husain was painted by him at least seven years back, but has come to haunt him after he accepted the Qatari citizenship

Duryodhana returns, claims rights on the throne of Delhi

Pagal Patrakar — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 20:32:24 +0000

New Delhi. Prime Minister Manmohan Singh might be confident of surviving the protests from the opposition and his own allies over the issue of price-rise, but he surely has no idea how to deal with this. Yuvraaj Duryodhana, the quintessential villain of Mahabharata, has made a comeback and has claimed that the throne of Delhi was rightfully his. Duryodhana has also approached Delhi High Court in this regard.

“I was the Prince of Hastinapur and Pandavas defeated me by deceit. They also spread false rumors about mine and my anuj (younger brother) Duhshashan’s death. Whereas we had just gone on a self-imposed exile after being defeated in the war of Kurukshetra.” said Duryodhana during an exclusive chit-chat with Faking News, arguing that since no one from the Pandavas clan seemed to be interested anymore in laying a claim to the throne, he was duty bound to come out of his self-imposed exile.

Duryodhana denied any possibility of forming a political party and fighting elections to get back the Delhi throne. He argued that since no one, duly authorized by either the Pandavas or the Kauravas clan, ever signed the instrument of accession document offered by Sardar Vallabhbhai Patel on behalf of the Republic of India, he had a legitimate claim over Delhi.

Duryodhana is all set to be back in limelight

But experts believe that this argument by the Kaurava prince could actually save the central UPA government, although endangering the Delhi state government of Sheila Dixit in the process.

“Clearly, Duryodhana is talking about Hastinapur only, which is now the National Capital Region of Delhi. At best, NCR could get a special status like Jammu & Kashmir and Duryodhana could be allowed to rule with autonomy.” said Owais Abdullah, a legal and constitutional expert.

As expected, Duryodhana is not happy with what is being offered. “What nonsense! Even Krishna had tried to offer me something similar, and you know what followed. Don’t give me that shit again!” Duryodhana declared amid loud noise of thunder, lightning and rain-showers.

Duryodhana also expressed displeasure and anguish over the poor condition of his ancestral property and vowed to erect more palaces when he gets his throne back. Surprisingly, he expressed support for Ambedkar Parks being constructed by the Uttar Pradesh government in the region.

“I love elephants. All of you must be knowing that I possess power of 70 elephants like my bête noir Bheema. I’m okay with these projects.” announced Duryodhana, who claimed that he had clear thoughts on a lot of issues ranging from poverty, inflation, agriculture and global warming, for which he would seek help from his good friend Karna, son of Surya (sun god).

Delhi High Court is yet to accept or reject the petition by Duryodhana, but voices in support of him are already being heard. Expelled Samajwadi Party leader Amar Singh has expressed interest in joining him if the Rajput prince changed his mind and decided to float a political party.

“I will try my best to convince Yuvraaj Duryodhana to join politics. I believe he would be an asset to the Indian politics. We could also take Behen Mayawati along if he desires so.” said Amar Singh, who felt that Duryodhana didn’t have much of political options as BJP was not interested in anti-Ram or anti-Krishna people, and Communist parties would reject him as fraud imperialist, while Congress had their own in-house Yuvraaj.

“I would go and join the casino of anuj Duhshashan in Las Vegas, rather than joining politics here.” Duryodhana said, once again denying the possibility of him forming a political party.

(based on the scoop provided by Pagla Ghoda)

Faking News Awards for excellence in Bollywood for year 2009

fakereader — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 20:30:10 +0000

Faking News Award for excellence in Bollywood

Faking News has the habit of missing important events to award our heroes. We missed awarding people for being “Indian of the year” on new year’s eve or selecting a list of wise men on Holi. But we use this opportunity to declare our entertainment awards for excellence in Bollywood:

Faking Movie of the year: This award should go to the movie which has impacted the mind, heart, soul and every other part of the body of a cine-goer. And after much of deliberation, we rested on one single choice. And the award for the year 2009 goes to our beloved Himesh’s blockbuster Radio for its sheer intelligence of thinking out of box by showing Radio on the big screen.
Faking Actor of the year (male): Although Himesh was and perhaps will remain the biggest contender for this award but one cannot take away the glory of torture and disgust from the victorious heroes of movie Jai Veeru and so our award goes to the duo Kunal Khemu and Fardeen Khan.
Faking Actor of the year (female): After much discussion and drooling over hot bodies of many, Faking News came to consensus and decided to give away the coveted award to our beloved Lara Dutta, for her stellar body show in the Blue movie.
Faking Action movie of the year: Surprisingly, the whole team of Faking News decided to give the award to Acid Factory. Do we say more here? Just check out the cast and box-office collection.
Faking Supporting Actor (male): And the award goes to the Radio of the movie Radio for giving a breath of life whenever it came alone on the screen.
Faking Director of the year: The award will be bestowed to someone who has created new bars of creativity, without any instance of piracy and copying. After a little debate, Faking News decided to give the award to Mr. Mohit Suri for Raaz – the mystery continues.
Faking new comer of the year (male): A newcomer is someone who has mastered the art of being a newcomer i.e. who could still make people ask questions like “what is the name of that guy” even after acting in dozens of films. We present this year’s award to Mr. Jackie Bhagnani for the movie Kal Kissne Dekha (the movie couldn’t have been better titled).
Faking new comer of the year (female): With Jackie Bhagnani, a girl also starred in Kal Kissne Dekha jise kisi ne nahi dekha. For the ignorant ones, Vaishali Desai starred opposite the charming Jackie; the award goes to her.
Faking Playback Singer of the year: It is extremely difficult to sing an original song and even more difficult is to sing that song in different voices. Unanimously this award goes to the national heartthrob Himesh Reshammayia for creating Radio waves with his voice.

No fun, no colors, no celebrations this Holi for this asshole

Pagal Patrakar — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 09:20:24 +0000

Mumbai. At a time when almost the whole nation is submerged in Holi revelry, an unadulterated asshole in a one-room flat here quietly refuses to take part in the celebrations owing to his self-imposed ban on such traditional festivals. Kiljoy Borekar believes that festivals like Holi are meaningless in the modern times and must be shelved by the humanity. Kiljoy claims that he had stopped celebrating festivals when he was just 3.

“We should save water. Holi wastes a lot of water, and we all know Mumbai is facing water scarcity. I don’t know why people can’t think rationally!” said Kiljoy agitatedly, arguing that most of the traditional festivals have become outdated.

It’s not so that Kiljoy is some loner and doesn’t enjoy social congregations. In fact he likes partying and is currently planning to organize a rain-dance party to welcome new students at his B-school.

Kiljoy believes that Holi has lost all its meaning

Kiljoy also mentioned that most people used Holi just as a pretext to getting closer and physical with women, and he didn’t believe in such cheap tricks.

The 23-year-old thinker had no tinge of color on his face, body or even on his clothes till the reports last came in.

Some of his friends had tried knocking at his door this morning and even threatened him to come out, but Kiljoy maintained a stoic discipline and successfully completed 20 years of his Holiless life.

Friend and family members of Kiljoy are not sure why he turned anti-Holi, even though he was never thrown in any mud-pool by his friends or was beaten up by inebriated revelers. Except that as a 3-year-old kid, he, along with his brother, had started bawling profusely when they couldn’t recognize their mom among a group of deeply colored women on what proved to be his last Holi.

Kiljoy denies any historical or personal reason behind his dislike for Holi, insisting that he had taken the decision after a rational analysis of all the traditional festivals, and pointed out that he had not celebrated Diwali as well.

“I will never celebrate this dirty festival even in the future.” announced the asshole.

Gabbar Singh may finally stop asking, “Holi kab hai, kab hai Holi?”

Pagal Patrakar — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 12:52:10 +0000

Gabbar Singh, one of the better known dacoits of North India, who is wanted in many cases of loot, murders and rapes in and around Ramgarh, might stop asking his oft repeated question “Holi kab hai? Kab hai holi?” (When is Holi?) from next year onward. This after he got the answer in a rather expected manner from Veeru, who has now marked this question as “resolved” on Yahoo! Answers.

PJs apart, Faking News wishes its readers a very happy and safe Holi. Enjoy!

Naked man on Delhi runway identified as actor Kamaal Rashid Khan

wrichik — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 07:50:49 +0000

New Delhi. The naked flight interrupter apprehended at Delhi’s Indira Gandhi International Airport turned out to be none other than Bollywood actor Kamaal Rashid Khan, also known to himself as KRK. Reportedly too inebriated to phrase a coherent reply to the questions of his interrogators, all he could only say was “Ka-laudia… tum kahaan ho?”

Reactions to this revelation have been mixed.

Shah Rukh Khan, still wearing his My Name Is Khan t-shirt said, “I think all problems can be solved with love. Kamaal is a great rival to have. MNIK is different from anything else Karan and I have done before.”

KRK believes that he looks like a cool dude, a claim that is widely disputed

Abhishek Bachchan cracked a joke on the topic but none of the journalists present were listening to him as they looked forward to hearing from his wife, Mrs. ARB. Aishwarya’s response – “I’m not pregnant! Got that?? And that has nothing to do with my stomach, you morons!!! What? That’s not what you’re here for? Oh, Kamaal… naked… drunk… so what’s newsworthy in that? My nonexistent embryo is a bigger superstar than this whatshisnameagain wannabe will ever be, ok?”

The pilot of the aircraft that could have crushed KRK to pulp went on the record regretting not capitalizing on this golden opportunity to make the world a better place. Among other things he blamed the uber hotness of Kingfisher airhostesses for failing to recognize the man on the tarmac.

Madhur Bhandarkar was seen vigorously taking notes of the incident but scooted off before journalists could ask him what mononym he would use for his next film and how he plans to use this incident for upping the ‘real factor’ of his film.

On a positive note for Kamaal, his daredevil brush with death and reckless streaking under influence of alcohol boosted his Twitter follower count by 3, bringing him closer to his target of surpassing Shah Rukh Khan.

Kamaal’s next film, Deshdrohi 2 – 26/11 War in Mumbai, is scheduled for release later this year and is expected to launch Kamaal into the pantheon of respectable Bollywood stars such as Rakhi Sawant, Himesh Reshammiya and Sherlyn Chopra.

Many experts believe that this lying-naked-in-airport was a part of marketing gimmick by Kamaal to promote his film and he could repeat such acts again in future. “Trust Bollywood for innovation in such matters.” Paan Pasand, a leading movie critic said.

Man decides to cheat girlfriend after watching Emotional Atyachaar

Pagal Patrakar — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 12:00:49 +0000

Mumbai. 25-year-old Utkarsh has decided to cheat on his girlfriend Kavita, with whom he has been going steady for over six years now, after he watched some episodes of a television reality show called Emotional Atyachaar that documents and broadcasts unfaithfulness among young Indian couples. Apart from sending feelers to random girls that he knows, Utkarsh has also registered on an online dating website to secure a parallel girlfriend.

“Everyone does it man, everyone is double timing and enjoying their lives, and here I am sticking to the old school of love and loyalty. I think infidelity is the in-thing and I should go for it.” said Utkarsh, who had proposed to Kavita some six years ago, after being convinced that getting a valentine was the in-thing in those days after some old fashioned guys had protested against it.

Utkarsh doesn’t believe that the episodes of Emotional Atyachaar could be staged. “No man, it’s a reality show, not any movie.” said Utkarsh, who checked and frisked our reporter to be sure that he was not any undercover agent of Emotional Atyachaar with a hidden camera trying to conduct a “loyalty test” upon him on behalf of Kavita.

Prized human qualities like jealousy, profanity, infidelity and shamelessness are most likely to get televised, say many experts

It’s not for the first time when Utkarsh has thought of cheating his girlfriend. Earlier, he had felt like doing so when he had seen a few people admitting to have cheated their partners in another reality show Sach Ka Saamna, but he dropped the idea as he thought that people participating in that particular reality show were greedy.

“They were saying things for money, it was unethical.” argued Utkarsh, who prides himself upon his ethics and having been raised by IAS parents who were never caught (on camera) taking any bribe till date.

The move by Utkarsh has caused a wide debate among the social circles in India. While a few saw no problem with such programs, others felt that television was getting out of hand.

“Utkarsh is being raised by television now. His IAS parents can take a break and a bribe if they want.” said British Kandy, a sociologist, who believes that soon there would be a television reality show on corruption called Professional Atyachaar, which would make bribe takers feel at ease with their conscience.

Opposition walks out over one thing they could understand in Union Budget

Pagal Patrakar — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 13:00:15 +0000

New Delhi. Union Budget, as inscrutable and insipid as it has been for years, proved to be of some difference this year when MPs could actually make sense of one sentence in the speech of the finance minister Pranab Mukherjee. As soon as the minister said something about restoration of basic duty and enhancement of Central Excise duty on stuffs like petrol and diesel, the opposition MPs could understand that it meant price rise, and walked out of the Lok Sabha.

“It was awesome! I always thought that no one in the parliament understood a thing about Budget, because I always saw people sleeping during the previous speeches. But boy, don’t they know what is being talked about?” said Ravinder, a final year MBA student at FMS Delhi.

The move by the opposition parties has also come as a pleasant surprise to many other people, who thought that budgetary and financial matters were beyond the ken of parliamentarians, and such decisions were taken by bureaucrats and technocrats. But parliamentarians have disapproved of such points of view.

“Yes, there are some things that we don’t understand, for example, I have no idea how does finance ministry budget for non-planned expenditure, when they are non-planned by definition. But we understand things like petrol and diesel. We also understand sugar.” said a walked out BJP Member of Parliament.

But many members of the parliament were candid to admit that Budget remained a mystery to them.

“I thumped the benches whenever I saw someone like Chidambaram or Madam Gandhi doing the same, but honestly, I don’t really know what does all this mean.” said a Congress MP on conditions of anonymity.

Not only MPs, many people outside the parliament too thought that they never understood a thing about budget, maybe with an exception of income tax rates. Others thought that the whole exercise was meaningless.

“We too make plans and budget for our company and within a couple of months everything goes for a toss. How can they plan for the whole country?” said 37-year-old Karthik, who runs his own toy manufacturing company, adding, “some news channels are saying that toys will cost lesser; no way I’m going to lower down the prices.”

A solar rickshaw that will cost lesser now is being seen as the vehicle of development

Meanwhile a lot of peopled searched for images of solar rickshaw after the budget speech, as they are supposed to cost lesser and bring relief to the common man among rising prices. In an exclusive interview to Faking News after his budget speech in the parliament, Pranab Mukherjee was kind enough to explain the rationale.

“A rickshaw peddler would need lesser muscular energy to drive a solar rickshaw. We want all rickshaws to be converted into solar powered ones, so that the demand for muscular energy, which is derived from nutrition and food, goes down. This would mean lesser demand for food, which will bring down the rising food prices.” said Pranab Da.

Idea faces criticism from other mobile operators over saving toilet paper

Pagal Patrakar — Thu, 25 Feb 2010 13:30:30 +0000

Mumbai. Concerned over felling of trees to make toilet papers, Idea Cellular has come up with an idea that could change the lives of millions of toilet going men and women. Idea has proposed a solution where people could get the same work done by sending just an SMS, for which they have been hitherto felling trees. But the idea has attracted criticisms from other cellular operators.

“It’s a case of thinking too much hatke.” said Virgin Mobile India spokesperson, claiming that Idea could have simply asked people to go back to using traditional Indian toilets, which don’t require using toilet papers to come out clean after the act. In the current provision the SMS would initiate a jet of water, a mechanism that has come under heavy criticism.

“What happens in case of weak signals or heavy traffic on the network?” wondered the BSNL representative, who believed that India required everything at lightening fast speed these days. BSNL thinks that the issue can be solved once the 3G technology arrives in India, but the company declined to propose a solution to minimize the use of toilet papers.

Vodafone, which has a pug (small dog) as brand ambassador, requested Faking News to keep them out of the discussion. “Yes, we are happy to help, but this request is kinda too much.” said a Vodafone call center employee, whom our reporter could talk to only after being put on hold for over half an hour.

Airtel thought that the whole issue was blown out of proportion. “Kitna waqt lagta hai yeh kaam karne mein (how much time does it really take to finish this up)?” asked Airtel brand ambassador Shah Rukh Khan, arguing that the issue was not worth attention, and added that Airtel was the best.

Reliance telecommunications too thought that the issue was too small to be debated, but the conglomerate expressed interest in launching a series of public convenience centers across India that would have no toilet papers, if the government provided them land at concessional rates.

But the most wacky criticism and suggestion came from the Tata DoCoMo representative, who thought that the problem could be solved quite easily if people started sharing toilet papers.

“Because friends share everything.” said the DoCoMo guy, arguing that usage of toilet papers could be brought down to 25% of the current volumes if friends started sharing them.

Employees ransack office after having missed Sachin’s double century

Pagal Patrakar — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 13:22:11 +0000

Mumbai. Employees of an IT company went berserk and ransacked their office beyond recognition after they realized that the system administrators had blocked access to Cricinfo and other cricket based websites on office computers. The management had already disallowed watching sports or even news channels during international cricket matches involving India for over a year now, leaving the employees to get updates from Cricinfo and other websites.

A pall of gloom descended over the employees of SA Technologies Limited around lunch time when they discovered this new decree, but the employees went violently furious by the end of the office time around 6.15 PM, when they realized that they had missed the legendary innings of Sachin Tendulkar – the first ever double century scored in a one-day international cricket match.

“Come on man, don’t we have basic human rights guaranteed here? The whole nation was rejoicing and here we had no idea what was happening. This is criminal. It is high time “right to watch cricket” is declared a fundamental right.” Aadeesh Deshpande, one of the aggrieved employees complained.

Some people believe he is legend, some think he is God, others don’t have a right to life

Employees have been sitting outside their office since 6.30 PM and demanding compensation from the management and the owners of the company for denying them a chance to witness this historical moment. The amount or the nature of compensation is not yet known, but the management has promised to gift authenticated VCDs of Sachin Tendulkar’s innings to all the employees.

Meanwhile, Cricket fans from all over the country too have come up in support of these employees and have pushed for constitutional reforms in the country so that no one else goes through the same torture in the future.

“If one can’t declare a new fundamental right of watching cricket, at least declare Sachin as God, what more proof is needed now?” said one of the Sachin fans, arguing that if Sachin was declared God, stopping people from watching cricket would amount to stopping someone from practicing their religion, and hence unconstitutional.

Railways passengers to be fined for farting and snoring inside coaches

Pagal Patrakar — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 08:56:28 +0000

New Delhi. In a significant development, Railway Ms. Minister Mamta Banerjee today announced a new rule for Indian Railways that would empower TTEs (Train Ticket Examiners) to penalize passengers indulged in persistent snoring or farting while traveling. The penalty could range from a fine of 500 Rupees to five hours of imprisonment inside the train toilet.

The rule was announced while presenting the Railway Budget for financial year 2010-11, and will come into effect from next week.

The rule has been welcomed and come as a relief to millions of non-snoring-non-farting railway commuters, who otherwise were disappointed with the minister over non-introduction of new facilities to enrich the traveling experience. Such harassed commuters will now have an option of complaining to the TTE about a snoring or farting passenger causing discomfort to them, following which the TTE would be free to exercise his punitive powers right away.

“It’s a very good decision. In fact I would say that this is the best that Mamtadi could do to better the traveling experience. What’s the use of other facilities when there is a farting zombie sitting with you? Can you imagine a situation where you are served the most delicious food by the Railways and as soon as you open the packet, the guy sitting next to you farts? It sucks man! Same goes for snoring losers; what’s the use of being offered a cozy berth with Kashmiri shawl if the guy sleeping on the next berth is sending out a wake up alarm all the time?” Prashant, a railway commuter told.

Many people believe that these men are sticking their necks outside the railway coach as someone might have farted inside

But many people believe that the new rule curtails the fundamental rights of people, especially the right to equality and the right to freedom of expression. They believe that fining or imprisoning someone is akin to treating them like criminals, which violates the fundamental rights of people.

“On what basis farting or snoring could be deemed as a crime? On one hand we oppose the suspension of a gay professor in AMU as homosexuality has been decriminalized, and on the other hand we are witnessing farting and snoring being criminalized. This is shocking. Just like gays choose to release their sexuality in a different way, these people choose to release air in a different way. How can it be a punishable crime?” Ashant, a Human Rights activist protested, threatening mass agitations against the rule.

These activists suggest that people having problems with snoring or farting passengers should change their berths instead of victimizing the poor souls.

Fearing a showdown between protestors and supporters of the new rule, some pacifists have suggested a system that could allow people to indicate themselves as farters or non-farters while booking the tickets so that the railways can club them separately and allocate berths accordingly.

Ms. Mamta Banerjee promised to look into the matter but she categorically denied that the rule could be scrapped following these protests, which means that rest of the passengers can breathe a whiff of fresh air for now.

Dark secrets of many come out in open as hackers have a field day

Guest Patrakar — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 21:35:52 +0000

New Delhi. In an unprecedented attack, notorious email hackers group MOCODO (MOst COders are DOrks), hacked into the email accounts of millions of users across the world. While a large chunk of critical information was at stake, the hackers instead chose to to release “Secret Questions” of thousands of users on popular questions portal, iBaBaBuBu.com.

Although it appears to be a minor violation of privacy, this move by the hackers has caused widespread discontent amongst the users in various countries. Embarrassing questions and their answers were posted much to the chagrin of unsuspecting users.

Many experts believe that Answers to the Secret Questions hide many skeletons in the cupboard

Revathi and Ashok were happily married, until yesterday, when Ashok logged into his iBaBaBuBu profile and found Revathi’s secret question posted there. When asked, “What’s the name of your pet?”, Revathi had answered, “Ashok”. On another email address, upon being asked, “What is the middle name of your youngest child?”, Revathi had mentioned “Salman”.

An infuriated Ashok immediately packed his bags and left their house. While talking to Faking News, an inconsolable Revathi said that she had called Ashok a ‘pet’ out of fondness and they didn’t even have any children. Unfortunately the damage had already been done.

In Melbourne, as soon as Vikram Jeet Singh walked into his classroom he could sense that something was wrong. His classmates looked at him suspiciously and some of them even made rude gestures. While he was contemplating whether this was a racist attack, his Indian friends also started laughing and jeering at him. Later in the day his bff Manjit Kaur told him that all his classmates had read Vikram’s response to the secret question – “When was the last time you had sex?”

“Seven years without sex isn’t easy, you know. #fml” – Vikram tweeted later in the day.

Similar incidents were reported at other places. Master Raju’s father discovered that his child’s favorite Cartoon character was “Savita Bhabhi”.

Christie’s mother was shocked to discover that her daughter’s favorite position was ‘69’. “I am surprised”, she told Faking News, “She always secured the first position in her class; I thought that would be her favorite position”.

Elsewhere, Manoos Desai was expelled from his political party because he had mentioned “Lucknow” as his favorite city rather than “Mumbai”.

While experts are still trying to gauge the extent of information exposed by these attacks, the leak of security questions has resulted into a social catastrophe, the worst of which is yet to be seen.

(written by a very lonely person called Tantanoo)

Parliament adjourned to discuss pregnancy rumors about Aishwarya Rai

Pagal Patrakar — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 08:58:55 +0000

New Delhi. Parliament has been adjourned till tomorrow afternoon to allow honorable members to discuss important issues such as pregnancy of Aishwarya Rai, mistresses of Tiger Woods, and IPL ticket. The members showed exemplary alacrity early this morning to wind up discussions on minor issues such as price-rise within a couple of hours, forcing adjournment of the house that gave them the whole day to discuss other important issues.

“Price rise has continued for more than a year now and there is no pressing deadline to settle this issue. But if Aishwarya is pregnant, we must act within a few months or it will be too late. Same about IPL3 matches that start within a few weeks from now.” said an honorable member from Congress, as he enjoyed the warm sunshine in the parliamentary lawns.

Indians have been anxiously anticipating the arrival of third Bachchan, and the mystery has captured the attention of the citizens and the media for long

A wide range of topics were finalized within minutes as soon as the adjournment was announced. It was the second day of the budget session of the parliament today and the members realized that they were hard pressed for time to discuss vital issues and challenges facing the nation.

“The whole day yesterday was wasted while listening to the address of our President. Hey, it was so funny hearing her say “my government” (laughs out loud), seriously, I was reminded of my high-school civics text-book that said the President was the head of state. For once, even she would have thought so (laughs out load again).” said a BJP member, who taunted that Sonia Gandhi should have addressed the joint session instead.

After the adjournment, members from both the houses, cutting across party lines, formed themselves into small groups based on their interests and discussed the important topics. The warm sunshine after overnight rains in Delhi caused them to spend some time in the lawns itself. It was remarkable to observe how none of those discussions were interrupted due to protests or walk outs.

“Come on, we are not rowdy or indisciplined by nature. We can’t allow petty differences to come between us when discussing important issues. Where there is will, there is a way.” said one of the members from the House of Representatives, who debated passionately if Tiger Woods could have had an Indian girlfriend too.

Irritating asshole adds former office mate as friend on facebook

Pagal Patrakar — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 10:25:56 +0000

New Delhi. 24-year-old Anushka felt like yuck this morning when she saw the same irritating face of that asshole from her earlier office, asking her to add him as friend on facebook. Navin, her colleague in her last job, had tried too hard, almost nauseatingly, to win her attention and appreciation and had even spread some rumors about Anushka. She had breathed a sigh of relief when she got a new job last August.

“Navin Pran added you as a friend on Facebook” was the email that she got this morning, which broke the tranquility of almost of seven months.

Even a personalized message with the friendship request couldn’t appeal Anushka’s sentiments

“I had forgotten all that crap that happened in my last job and was so happy. And I got this mail. I almost wanted to puke.” said Anushka, with a visible fury on her face, as she recalled how Navin had spread rumors about her having two boyfriends at the same time, when she hadn’t had even one in reality.

“I don’t have any proof but those rumors had started last year after I had politely refused to accept his cheap Valentine’s Day gift.” Anushka explained why she didn’t want to do anything with Navin. She further revealed that Navin used to send her cheesy love and friendship SMSes, which caused her to even change her mobile number after getting a new job.

Anushka has not yet confirmed or ignored the friendship request as she finds both of these options inadequate.

“Confirming as friend is simply out of question. But if I ignore it, there are chances that that sicko will once start spreading rumors about me on facebook, as he had done when I had ignored his gift.” she pointed out her predicament.

Anushka has suggested that just like there was an option for “Report abuse for spam” after ignoring a friend request, there should be a “Mark as asshole” option after confirming a friend request.

“The asshole should see me as his friend, but I don’t get to see any notification at all from him, no personal messages, not even his posts on my wall. My profile should automatically and randomly like some of his posts so that he is under impression that the friendship is on.” Anushka, who also is a software engineer, postulated.

While Anushka’s suggestion has excited some facebook engineers, the incident has yet again exposed the vulnerability of online relationships.

Sunday Magazine: all you wanted to know about Indian Maoists

Pagal Patrakar — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 08:15:26 +0000

The last week saw celebrations over India’s test victory over South Africa and mourning over deaths of people killed in Pune’s German Bakery blast and policemen killed in West Bengal. While an unknown group claimed responsibility for Pune’s blast, a very much known group was behind the massacre of policemen in West Bengal. This week’s Sunday Magazine documents all aspects of this known group called Maoists.

Sunday Magazine of Faking News dated 21 February 2010

Creationists propose “Intelligent Recall” theory to explain extinction of species

Pagal Patrakar — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 11:31:04 +0000

London, UK. Creationists have succeeded in unraveling yet another mystery that has kept the scientists and atheists perplexed for ages. After convincingly arguing that dinosaurs existed alongside human beings and were taken aboard Noah’s ark, creationists have come up with a theory –Intelligent Recall – that once and for all settles the debate over dinosaur extinction, unlike the scientists who keep coming up with a new theory every day.

“From time to time God reviews his creations (products), and he may decide to recall some of them after the review, which causes that particular creation (species) to go extinct. It’s tough, but it’s God’s will.” declared leading creationist Rich Hawkins, hoping that the theory will put an end to all kinds of speculations going on over dinosaur extinction.

Scientists believe that a meteor killed all the dinosaurs, an idea that has failed to impress many

Hawkins further revealed that God had decided to recall the dinosaurs after rescuing them from the global flood. Hawkins didn’t specify the factors that God considered before recalling any species, proclaiming it to be beyond the capacity of human intelligence.

“Still, if the scientists want, they can speculate the factors, but they should first accept that it was an Intelligent Recall that caused the extinction of dinosaurs.” Hawkins said, claiming that creationism and science were perfectly compatible.

Intelligent Recall theory is expected to impart a new zeal to the creationists, especially the Young Earth Creationists, who recently had to face criticism even from the Church of England. But the skeptics and atheists have already rejected the theory.

“This a half baked idea and it doesn’t explain anything. Unless they can come up with a mathematical, preferably stochastic, formula that explains and predicts the recall of a creation, this will remain just another hypothesis.” said an unknown atheist wondering if dinosaurs had started ‘malfunctioning’ before the decision to recall them was made.

Back home, the theory has failed to excite anyone, but some activists wearing Save Our Tigers T-shirts have expressed concern over the new theory, which they fear could be misinterpreted by human beings and would adversely hit the tiger conservation efforts.

“What if people start believing that God has made the Intelligent Recall decision for the tigers as well? Our whole campaign will go waste.” said a tiger activist, who is blogging profusely to save our tigers.