Tora Bora, Afghanistan. Possibly worried over the fact that rival terrorist groups like Lashkar-e-Taiba and Jaish-e-Mohammad have been stealing most of the limelight and media coverage of late, Al-Qaida, the pioneers of global terrorism, have announced their plans to adopt environment friendly tools while carrying out future terrorist attacks. The terrorist organization is all set to minimize their carbon footprints and exercise discretion while consuming natural resources.
“We realize our responsibility of giving it back to the society and the world, which has given us so much (cars, bodies and buildings) to blow up. We also realize that some groups find us guilty of damaging the environment when we blow up things. Unfortunately we can’t stop bowing up things as that is our core operation, like oil companies can’t stop depleting fossil fuels, but we have decided to undertake other means to save environment.” a press note issued by the organization declared.
Later talking to a select group of journalists, the organization spokesperson informed that Al-Qaida was training a group of solar powered jihadis, which would basically be humanoid robots running on solar energy. These robots as well as the solar panels are being developed in-house by the recruits from the leading technological institutes of the world.
“Solar powered jihadis not only consume lesser energy than a normal jihadi, they run on solar cells that make the best use of silicone, something that infidels have been using for haraam purposes like breast implants.” the spokesperson said; further clarifying that Al-Qaida would not use exploding silicone breast implants for terrorism purposes.
In a noble gesture as a part of its decision to go green, the terrorist organization has decided to plant one tree for each person killed in their operations and have expressed willingness to adopt villages and cities ravaged by them. It has also appealed to the follow terrorist organizations to share resources to save energy and environment.
“If two or more of us are targeting the same spot for blowing up, we could surely pool our resources. We could use just one vehicle and put all the RDX and detonators over there”. Al-Qaida appealed for practicing Terror Carpool, and declared that progressively they would replace petrol driven cars with simple bicycles or donkeys for carrying explosives.
With this move, Al-Qaida has become the second big organization after IPL in recent times to have declared their intentions to go green. Although, the organization has not roped in any UN partner or signed any sponsorship agreement with any brand, the terrorists are hopeful of generating massive goodwill through this move.
“Since we would also be fighting to save the natural resources now, we should get some intellectual support, as has been the case with Naxals in India.” the spokesperson hoped.