Tuesday, 7th April, 2020


Dogs to bark all night to take revenge for Diwali crackers

27, Oct 2011 By Pagal Patrakar

New Delhi. Local dogs have got together and resolved to randomly bark all night and scare the shit out of human beings to take revenge for the Diwali crackers that scared the shit out of the dog community in the last couple of days. Most of the dogs failed to sleep in the night and some of them were deliberately targeted with crackers, which led to the dogs’ resolution to get even with the human beings.

“One day we will win this battle of scaring the other with loud sounds,” said Sheru, the President of Dog Vijay Dal (DVD i.e. the Victory Party of Dogs), “We have been trying to rope in the birds too, as they are even more scared than us, but only the crows agreed to be a part of our counter attack team.”

As per the agreed plan between the dogs and the crows, local dogs will suddenly start barking in full volume in the dead of the night and spoil the sleep of human beings.

“We will do it around 2-3 AM, when most of the human beings can be safely assumed to be sound asleep,” Sheru told Faking News, “We will bark for at least one hour, and not stop until and unless someone from the chosen colony comes out with a lathi or a hockey stick and chases us away.”

Angry Dog
An angry Sheru, on a morning following Diwali.

Once the human beings manage to sleep again after this planned disruption by the dogs, the angry birds i.e. the crows will fly down to the same colony around 5 AM and start crowing in unison.

“We will repeat this randomly, and give them a taste of their own medicine,” An angry Sheru said, “We are identifying colonies for our attacks and we will launch our attack sometime in the late November once these guys exhaust all their Diwali crackers.”

When asked if they don’t fear losing the ‘best friend of man’ tag through such antics, DVD members laughed off the question and claimed that they have been doing this for years now.

“Moreover, who will really want to be friends with human beings once they see our status,” a dog said on conditions of anonymity.

Most of the human beings have reacted cautiously to the threat by the dogs, with some of them even welcoming the DVD’s decision. “Every action has an equal and opposite reaction,” Gujarat Chief Minister Narendra Modi justified the conduct of dogs.

However, Home Minister P Chidambaram criticized the dogs for planning attacks that had an element of surprise: “Dogs know that such crackers are burst only on Diwali and New Year’s Day, and they can prepare well in advance. It’s wrong if they launch their attack without informing the human beings.”

But dogs have rejected the criticism. “What about the crackers burst during marriage parties and cricket matches victories? Do human beings inform us about these events in advance?” Sheru argued.

Refusing to stoke a controversy for probably the first time, Congress leader Digvijay Singh instead offered a solution; all the dogs are invited to marriage parties and cricket matches, and dogs take back their threat of night attacks in return.

Both human beings and dogs refused to comment on Digvijay Singh’s statement.