Bhopal. Earlier this week, on his way to the campus doctor for the stomach trouble he’s been facing because of all the years in school and college he’s spent wearing his pants up to his chest, Arvind Parikkar, a 3rd year Mechanical Engineering student of CHAMPU (Chanakya Himachal Andhra Madhya Pradesh University), fell off his Activa as he was driving it through the law college.
His body hit the ground as the Activa skidded off into a corner, hitting Ram Kumar Bihari’s omelette and maggi stand.
A crowd of onlookers assembled on the spot and surrounded him, as his carefully pressed and ironed trousers and shirts got dusty and the 95 pens he kept in his pocket flew all over the place.
The crowd stopped the emergency medical care that arrived in the form of a rickshaw and a medical student who insists on everyone calling him ‘doctor’. After the crowd dispersed upon realizing he was an engineering student and not a law student who would make a scene shouting out ways in which he planned to sue mother Earth for the fall, the medical student and the rickshaw wallah took him to the campus doctor.
The campus doctor tested his vital signs, gave him the essentials of life like a pen drive filled with Game of Thrones Season 1 and a laptop to watch it on, and put him under observation.
The doctor told us that it was an acute case of virgin-itis, where the patient, having never seen more than 5 women in his entire life, and those too only aunties who pulled his cheeks when his Board marks came out, saw, upon entering the law college, 2 girls walking and talking on the sidewalk; on going further saw 3-4 more girls sitting on the lawn chatting and finally suffered his heart attack when, upon turning he corner, he saw a girl and a girl holding hands and cuddling with each other, upon seeing which his breathing got shallower and he started seeing stars in the daylight.
The doctor says that the patient has all the normal symptoms of virgin-itis, such as being an engineering student, protesting against couples holding hands and kissing in public in groups with others afflicted with the disease out of jealousy and messaging women he had never met on Facebook with a ‘hi…..’.
The doctor has put him under observation for 24 hours, at the end of which he will be shown reassuring photos of college labs filled with only boys and academic buildings with no girl toilets so that he may be able to return to his life suffering no major follow up complexities.
His stomach infection is also being looked into. He is currently only being served, in accordance with the Kumar Vishwas Yuva Swasth Yojana, by nurses from Kerela.