Monday, 17th February, 2020


Fed up with his inability to locate Rahul Gandhi, Arnab decides to use God's Eye from Furious 7

10, Apr 2015 By paranoidandroid

Times Now Studio, Mumbai. Arnab is angry. Very angry. And that can’t be good for the nation. After repeated failed attempts to force Congress spokespersons to spill Rahul Gandhi’s location on Newshour, the voice of India, Arnab Goswami has decided to take the matter in his own hands.

Highly placed sources in Times Now have revealed to us that Arnab has taken inspiration from the latest installment in the Fast and Furious franchise to locate the most wanted man in his hit list.  Requesting anonymity for the fear of his ear drums being blown up, a source told this reporter that Arnab is trying to use the Lamborghini that he helped catch a few days ago to have a street race with Dominic Toretto. If he wins he would lay claim upon ‘The God’s Eye’, an ultimate tracking device that can locate anyone anywhere on the planet, while if he looses he has promised to let Sanjay Jha speak on his show uninterrupted for full 10 seconds.

“I will trace you Mr Rahul”

The source also confirms that Arnab has been getting secret training from Narain Karthikeyan and Saif Ali Khan (our very own desi speed star) to help him prepare for the race.He has reportedly also requested Arvind Kejriwal to race him in his Wagon R. He feels it would be a good warm up, plus he would get a chance to expose the AAP leader completely.

We wanted to know how confident is Mr Goswami of winning against pro racers, a close aide of his said, “While the F&F crew has NOS powered engines in their cars, Arnab can drive using the power of his honesty alone. Clearly, righteousness > NOS”.

Meanwhile, Congress has lodged a strong protest against this development.

Digvijay Singh, in a press conference, warned against trying to locate Rahul, “Rahul Baba is a Yogi purush. He has been engaged in a gambhir tapasva for the past 50 days in order to gain enlightenment, just like Gautam Buddha. Only difference being , since he couldn’t locate a Bodhi Tree, he is meditating under a kela tree. We must leave him be till he finds the answer to life, the Universe and everything else. However, if someone tries to break his concentration in between, it would cause great calamity and the world would be destroyed.  “

The BJP, however, is not adverse to the idea. Sources say some BJP leaders are also trying to find out whether God’s Eye can be used to locate and bring back black money. When we contacted Mr. Toretto for comments, he only said one word, “Pussy”.