Finally an indigenous solution- Government of India to offer a bribe to Coronavirus to go away

12, May 2020 By yogy

New Delhi: As Coronavirus cases continue to rise despite nearly 2 months long lockdown, Government has finally decided to use its Trump card to send the virus out of the country.


Having tried social distancing, lockdown, medicines, now Government has decided to use the trusted indigenous formula- Bribes. A very favorable offer will be made to the virus to convince it to leave India forever and never return.

Speaking to Faking News, a top Government official on the condition of anonymity said ,”Well our bureaucrats saw the politicians struggle with the virus for weeks, and then decided to step in and take control of the situation. We explained to them that nothing moves in India without greasing the wheels adequately, so the virus will also not move out of the country until we apply enough grease. Initially, Prime Minister started calling IITs to check which grease will be suitable for the virus, but then we broke it down for him and explained what we are talking about.”

“After bit of hesitation, the Prime Minister abandoned his Na Khaoonga Na Khaane Doonga doctrine and agreed to our plan to make the offer. We are finalizing the bribery package with the Finance Ministry and will make the formal offer in next 2-3 days, on the same date on which we will finally announce the financial stimulus package to deal with the recession”, the official added.

Meanwhile, a draft of the offer was already sent to the virus but the virus could not understand the sarkaari English and didn’t understand what is being talked about in the document. The Government is likely to issue clarification to the virus soon.