Wednesday, 19th February, 2020


Heaven clarifies that it has never made any marriage at all

23, Jan 2010 By Pagal Patrakar

Heaven. A host of people and institutions have been using the tagline “marriages are made in heaven” for ages now, but it seems that they could soon run into legal trouble as Heaven has clarified that it was not involved in the marriage making business at all. In a press release issued earlier today, Heaven authorities have requested the concerned parties to stop using the misleading tagline, failing which they would be forced to take legal action against them.

“No individual or entity, having any direct or official association with Heaven or its subsidiaries, has ever been involved in any marriage making process that happens down there on earth. Such claims are not only unfounded and unverifiable, but are intended to misappropriate the goodwill and brand strength of Heaven in an objectionable way.” read the press release, adding, “Heaven has no branches on Earth.”

 Man marrying a dog as atonement
Traditionally, only such marriages were not supposed to be made in heaven. But the latest statement by Heaven makes no distinction between such and other normal marriages happening on Earth.

The press release was signed off by Vinamra Vilupt, the Executive Assistant to the God’s office, who also gave an exclusive interview to Faking News on the same subject. Vinamra agreed that such a revelation might shock many couples who could be planning their marriages, and they might be forced to reassess their decisions. In fact, he wondered how such a belief came into being at first place.

“Why marriages only? Why don’t they say ‘babies are made in heaven’ even though we decide which baby should be sent down there? They gleefully kept the baby making process to themselves but hastily outsourced the marriage making process to us? But man, this is Heaven; we don’t run BPO centers out here. We never made any marriages for God’s sake!” Vinamra said.

Vinamra informed that heaven inhabitants were rather cool with the unauthorized use of the famous tagline till they saw Rakhi Ka Swayamvar. They thought it was an aberration, but were irritated after watching Lux Perfect Bride. They went fucking crazy when they learnt that Rakhi Sawant was actually planning for a second Swayamvar and Rahul Mahajan’s Swayamvar was ready to go on-air.

“We were mighty pissed off. It had become imperative that we clarified that such shit happened down there only and we had no role in making such marriages.” Vinamra said, accusing the human beings of taking liberties with the freedom bestowed upon them by the God’s office.