Bangalore. A team of scientists from Indian Institute of Fake Science (IIFSc), Bangalore have confirmed that listening to Bollywood songs can lead to formation of ear lids.
“Our ears have been discriminated against by the nature. When we don’t wish to see something, we can always close our eyes. But not so with our ears. Any disgusting noise, mind-numbing crap speech, false tall politician promises, construction noises, vehicle horn, Himesh Reshamiya songs can enter our ears anytime! One may put cotton ear-buds or put ones fingers in the ears, but it is highly ineffective. The natural question arises, why did nature choose not to have ear lids, just like eye lids?” Prof. Jholu Srinivasan, an evolutionary biologist from IIFSc, explained the basis of the research.
To find an answer, Prof. Jholu and his team did a comprehensive study of human evolution and found that earlier humans were surrounded by birds and other docile animals. This made them happy. Even dangerous animals made rare noises, which were needed to be heard to make oneself safe.
Therefore evolution preferred formation of wide ear flaps and highly sensitive ear organs. There was hardly any need to avoid a sound because humans had not invented language by then.
But over millenniums, the situation has become more acute with the coming of modern Hindi music and political speeches.
Prof. Jholu then concluded that maybe nature has a solution. He claims that evolution, a continuous process, will soon give us ear lids, just like eye lids.
To prove this, he and his team started an experiment and made various people listen to different types of sounds.
When tested with Mamata Banerjee’s speech going into a person’s ear, blood was seen to be coming out of ears and hence the experiment was stopped. TMC said that since the blood was red, that person was definitely a Maoist or CPM cadre and demanded the experiment to be stopped.
Manmohan Singh’s speech had a strange effect; after weeks of hearing the speech, it was found that the person could now hear sub-audible range sounds like from far elephants.
The experiment was tried with Narendra Modi’s speech also. The results are said to be confidential and cannot be made public. While BJP claims that it caused strong and positive brain waves, Congress claimed that it caused the person to become violent.
“We could not get anyone to volunteer for experiments with Rahul Gandhi’s speech,” Prof. Jholu pointed out how the experiments ran into trouble in the first stage.
The experiments with politicians’ speeches were thus stopped due to controversial and disputed nature of the outcomes, and the scientists decided to take help of Bollywood songs.
“I was surprised! And could not believe my ears, I mean, eyes. Listening to three hours of Himesh Reshamiya songs under controlled and accelerated environment made the ear lids grow by 0.1 cm a day. In two weeks it was fully formed!” a shocked Prof. Jholu revealed to Faking News.
“I can now choose to not hear any thing I wish to!” confirmed a visibly excited Mr. Azad, who took part in the experiment and now has fully formed ear lids.
According to some reports, AR Rahman music was found to have the opposite effect. Even fully formed ear lids could shrink back.
“We could not test Yo Yo Honey Singh, as after only two days the person went mad and is now in ICU,” disclosed one of the scientists from the research team, while requesting anonymity.
Researchers have claimed that the first ear lid is expected to be formed naturally by the end of 2050.