Friday, 28th February, 2020


Hurt by criticisms, terrorists assert that they indeed have a religion

05, Dec 2009 By Pagal Patrakar

Tora Bora, Afghanistan. Pissed off with random criticisms like “terrorists have no religion”, various terrorists came under a cave roof here today to declare that they indeed had a religion, and whatever they did was inspired by nothing else but their religious beliefs.

Terrorists also debunked the claims that all of them had some common unheard of religion of “terrorism”, and asserted that their religious beliefs were no different from others.

Stringent security measures were in place to guard the conference hall against military strikes
Stringent security measures were in place to guard the conference hall against military strikes

“We are not like that Intel company claiming – our stuff aren’t like your stuff – no, we are just like you! Look at us for god’s sake. Our leaders are like your leaders, our weapons are like your weapons, our meetings are like your meetings, and our gods are like your gods! So where is the confusion? Why are we being singled out for such senseless criticism?” Mushroom Azahar, the convener of the terrorists’ conference protested and set the tone of the conference.

The conference was attended by thousands of terrorists, all of whom represented almost each religion and sect of the world. Sources say that various terrorist groups had signed NBAs (Non Beheading Agreements) ahead of the conference, promising not to attack and behead each other for the duration of the conference and providing a safe retreat afterwards for the participants. Their primary goal was to counter their common enemy – people misinterpreting the definition of religion to declare that terrorists had no religion.

“So those dorks want people to believe that we blow up ourselves for the love of doing it? What crap! Your courts uphold a dying declaration as being sacrosanct, and here we are, dying each day declaring our love for our religions, and then an asshole comes on your television and says terrorists have no religion, and all you brainless dodos clap happily. Can’t you see how idiot you have been? And can’t you see how much it hurts us? It’s like saying a soldier has no nationality!” a European looking terrorist argued.

Terrorists also lampooned the criticism that their only motive was to capture power and control the lives of the people.

“Nothing can be funnier than this. Isn’t this something every group does? Don’t give me the shit that your political parties or even your banks aim to achieve something different through their activities. What’s wrong if we aim to achieve the same?” another terrorist quipped, as they answered queries by mediapersons towards the end of the conference.

All the terrorists strongly defended their activities based on their religious and socio-political beliefs, and warned that any attempt to discredit them for not having a religion will henceforth not be tolerated.

“Yes, we have!” shouted all the terrorists in unison, holding each others’ hands in air, to reiterate their position of having a religion, and declared the conference closed.