US President Barack Obama delivered his 8th and final speech at the annual White House Corespondents’ dinner this week. He took shots at everyone, politicians, journalists and even himself. What would happen if Narendra Modi gave a similar speech? We think it will be something like this:
Good evening everybody. It is an honor to be here at my 2nd and I know some of you hoping my last 7 RCR correspondents’ dinner.
I do apologize. I know I was a little late tonight. I have an even numbered car and today is an odd day. I had to wait till 8 PM to get out of my house, thanks Kejriwal.
Anyway, here we are, my 2nd appearance at this unique event. And I am nervous; it is so much easier to speak into a microphone during Mann Ki Baat. Maybe I have developed a fear of public speaking. Age is wearing me down and I am no longer as good a speaker as I was during my younger days.
Somebody recently said to me, ‘Mr. Narendra Modi, you are so yesterday. Arvind Kejriwal has completely replaced you. He is such an idealist and he has youth on his side. He is the future.’ And I said to Arvind, “Arvind, you can’t blame Modi after becoming PM.” That should kill his PM ambitions.
But my fast ageing process doesn’t really have to do with the years passing by, there are people who block all my bills and the frustration makes me lose my hair. And you know who you are, Congressis. In fact, I think we’ve got Congress leaders Rahul Gandhi and Mallikarjun Kharge here. They are in the house, which reminds me … security bar the doors. Arun Jaitley come on out. We are going to pass GST right here. Right now.
It is like the red wedding.
But it’s not just Congress. Even some other parties have started planning for my replacement. They’ve been looking ahead, anticipating my departure in 2019. Nitish Kumar is already planning a coalition that will make him PM, same is the case with Mulayam Singh Ji, Sharad Pawar Ji, Mayawati Ji, Mamata Ji, Jayalalitha Ji and of course Arvind Kejriwal Ji. Everyone is becoming a PM in 2019. No, not you Advani Ji. Maargdarshak mandal is a one way street.
As for all the journalists present here, I know journalism is hard, it is a tough job. It is hard. So hard that even a veteran like Rajdeep Sardesai left journalism and joined India Today.. Kidding, just kidding, he only left Twitter and is now wasting time on Facebook.
Anyway, lot of journalists here who do a lot of good work. We have Rahul Kanwal here ladies & gentlemen, Rahul Kanwal. Rahul went to do a story on opium in Bengal. Ever since he returned, his journalism has been really high class and I mean really high!
There is the NDTV team on their table, hard at work even now. They are trying to count the number of people here to see whether it is higher than the total number of people who still watch NDTV.
We have Zee News here as well, you can’t see them but they are here. Hiding under AAP leaders table, they are trying to record a sting video for their next explosive revelation. Watch what you say Arvind, its not just Amit Shah who records everything.
ABP News guys are sitting over there, at the far end. Don’t know who invited them; I thought this was an event only for journalists.
Bit disappointed that Arnab Goswami didn’t grace us with his presence. But I guess he doesn’t attend events where he isn’t the one doing all the talking.
Well let me conclude tonight on a more serious note. I want to thank all the journalists for the job they do and for keeping us politicians on our toes. If it wasn’t for our press, I would never have known that Sadhvi Prachi is a BJP minister on even days and BJP MP on odd days.
Seriously though, I know that there are times that we’ve had differences and that’s inherent in our institutional roles. That is true of every politician and the press. But we’ve always shared the same goal, to boost our ratings!
In the end, I just want to close this 7 RCR dinner by just saying thank you. I am very thankful to you for your relentless coverage without which I would never have become the PM. Keep doing the good work and make me PM again in 3 years time. Good night