Monday, 6th April, 2020


Maddened by bulk SMS, Ravan sets himself on fire a day before Dussehra

16, Oct 2010 By Pagal Patrakar

New Delhi. Dussehra celebrations for tomorrow have become doubtful after one of the main characters, the demon King Ravana, set himself on fire early morning today, just a day before Lord Rama was to ceremonially kill him. Reports indicate that Ravan was hell irritated after receiving around two dozen bulk marketing SMSs within a span of 15 minutes, all promising him bumper gift vouchers for shopping on Dussehra.

“Do these people not know that Ravan has to die on each Dussehra? And yet they were sending him those mindless text messages,” a sobbing Mandodari, the wife of Ravan told Faking News.

Ravan had been admitted to a local government hospital with over 80% burn injuries and was still in critical stage when reports last came in.

Mandodari informed that Ravan had become accustomed to checking each and every SMS after the government had put a blanket ban on bulk SMS for a couple of weeks due to the pending Ayodhya verdict.

“People used to receive only ‘sane’ messages in those days,” claims Mandodari, as she showed us the inbox of a newly bought mobile phone of Ravan that had an SMS sent by Lord Ram among others, reading, “Dude, can you believe it? I’m supposed to be fighting a case in Ayodhya right now! I don’t even remember filing any petition. These earth people!”

Raavan movie DVD cover
Apparently an SMS offering discount on purchase of movie DVDs was the last SMS Ravan read before he immolated himself

Ravan used to interact a lot through SMS those days, and out of the same habit, he was religiously checking and reading each SMS he received, most of which turned out to be telemarketing gimmicks.

“This morning he couldn’t take it anymore when he received a spate of SMSs sent from strange people called VD-Masti, AT-Dhamaal, IP-Bonanza etc. all of whom promised him happy days ahead of Dussehra through shopping packages and holiday tours,” Mandodari informed, as she vowed to file a case against these unknown people for “abetment of suicide” and causing mental torture to Ravan.

The telemarketing companies were tight-lipped on the whole development though they feared a major backlash in the country as Dussehra celebrations faced cancellation due to their reckless behaviour.

“We should have been careful in preparing the list of the recipients, as Ravan was clearly not among the target audience of our intended Dussehra gift voucher SMSs,” said a telemarketer on conditions of anonymity.

The companies are praying for survival of Ravan this Dussehra so that their business continues unchecked.