Friday, 10th April, 2020


Middle class man agitated over his hurt religious sentiments calms down after checking his lean bank balance

08, Jan 2015 By idiot420

Bangalore. Naseer, a young techie in his mid twenties has found amazing way of calming himself down, whenever he feels agitated over his hurt religious sentiments.

For the last few months, Naseer was researching on how to handle oneself when someone hurts your religious sentiments.

Shocked Man
“OMG!! There are far bigger concerns in life”

“Expensive and complex ways like shooting others are already there in the market, in which extent of collateral damage is quite high. So, I was looking for a simpler solution, where just within couple of minutes you calm yourself down, without making too much extra effort and hurting others,” said Naseer revealing the reason which prompted him to do this research.

As per Naseer, among the many ways which he tried, checking his underweight bank balance was the most effective one.

“The underlying theory is to give yourself a reality check, just like the way they used ‘totem’ in the movie Inception. In my case, looking at my paltry bank balance is my totem. It starts a chain of thought process, like why there is so less money in my account? Why I did engineering? When will I buy my own house and car? And the overall tension these thoughts create in my mind is so painful that it overshadows the pain which I was feeling because of my hurt religious sentiments,” Naseer explained the whole process, “And this way, I finally return to the real world.”

Before figuring out this solution, Naseer tried other ways too, but the results were not that effective.

“I imagined myself getting caught by my father while watching porn. Then I imagined my girlfriend running away with my best friend. But nothing worked as smooth as checking my bank balance and the worries I go through after that,” Naseer told Faking News.

However, Naseer says those with heavy bank balance need to find their own totem, as it varies from class to class.

“Those guys can try taking a nap,” Naseer continued, “Or, the best approach would be to watch cartoons of the gods of other religions, which are in abundance on the internet.”