Monday, 6th April, 2020


Monkey bitten by a software engineer dies of stress

11, Oct 2012 By GenuineFaker

Gurgaon. Pinku, a local monkey, died of stress today after being bitten by a software engineer last week. His untimely demise has triggered a panic response in the city and hordes of animals were seen migrating out of the city to avoid catching this deadly disease that has risen to epidemic proportions among Gurgaon humans.

Sources report that poor Pinku was just jumping from roof to roof, minding his own business, when a wild-eyed human appeared out of nowhere, grabbed his tail from behind and bit him on his butt. Poor Pinku was so shocked that he couldn’t even call his comrades for help who were raiding a fridge just in the next house.

Stressed man
A sketch of the offender released by Haryana Police

Within a day of this fateful incident, Pinku started experiencing typical symptoms. Eyewitnesses say he completely lost his appetite for mischief and sat alone on a branch ignoring all the attempts made by his gang’s females to lift his spirits. Instead of screeching and howling like normal monkeys, he’d just keep on staring at the cars and trucks passing on NH 8.

When he was finally admitted to the District Veterinary Hospital yesterday, he was almost a zombie. “The autopsy confirms it. The high levels of stress in his system completely fried his brain,” said Dr Ved Prakash Sharma, consultant veterinary psychiatrist.

Dr. Sharma revealed in an exclusive interview to Faking News that such a virulent strain of stress is found only in software engineers of Gurgaon: “If I had to guess, I’d say the biting human had been left out of a recent company-wide promotion even after putting in 14 straight hours of work for the last six months, very probably due to his boss’s laziness in sending his appraisal on time.”

Authorities have issued a city-wide alert to hunt down the offending human, but the disease is so wide-spread that their phone has been ringing non-stop for the last five days with reports of red-eyed sutta-smoking stressed-out jerks coming from all corners of the city.

“It could be my boss, you know,” says Harshit, a BPO employee, “Just last month he passed by a farmhouse and all the buffaloes there stopped giving milk for 2 weeks!”

While they search for the IT person responsible for this unfortunate death of an innocent animal, authorities have decided to ban birds from twittering in an attempt to stop rumors from spreading.