In a move that is bound to shock the faint-hearted, the Samast Aamployees of Bank Union (SABU) on Friday declared it will be celebrating the first week of July this year as a No-Strike Week. “In clear protest against lack of any tangible evidence linking strikes and productivity, the SABU has decided to declare the first week of July a No-Strike Week,” said Akarmveer Lakshmidas, Secretary SABU, in a press conference called last night.
He said the move was bound to alarm all customers, big and small, who are used to bank strikes. “We want to really send out a strong signal to customers and the government. The customers are so used to strikes every other week that they plan accordingly. Suddenly when they find us working – ahem, attending the office – all six days a week, their schedules will go hay-wire.”said a visibly agitated AKAarmveer Lakshmidas, better known by his acronym AkaL (Sense).
“The government has been infirm enough to give in to all our demands, most of which are not even remotely un-preposterous,” added Lal Kuvar, President, Strikes Wing SABU, in the press conference, handing out the manifesto printed on the bank stationery.
The attending journalists were given pens to write with, although it was quickly discovered the pens were bound with a string to the nearest column in the hall, as is a common practice in banks.
The said manifesto severely criticized the government for being so weak as to accept exorbitant demands like a loo for customers in every branch.
“Tell me, how many of you have ever felt like staying so long in the bank that you need a loo, when you desist using the bank services altogether?” AkaL continued, waving his hands, “The demands were our Trojan horses, trying to sense whether the government actually reads the list of demands we put in every 13 days.”
Eight months back, the strikes had conveniently coincided with the wedding of the daughter of the SABU Joint Secretary Tommy Lobo, popularly known as Lobotomy. More recently, strikes had been scheduled around the dates of the Regional Vice President (West) Ganja Khan’s hernia operations, Any connections between the dates of the events and the strikes have always been categorically denied.
In the wake of the likes of Me Jay Valiya defrauding the nationalized banks to the tune of Rs. Umpteen k crores, the SABU also is considering pressing for amnesty for all employees who defraud at the branch level upto Rs. 80,000, Rs 4,00,000 at the regional level and Rs. 10,00,000 at the national level.
Kaluram Dhandhapani, the ex-leader of SABU who lost two consecutive elections of SABU last year, severely criticised the declaration. “It is a blatant g0od-use of power. Since when did Unions start encouraging work? It reeks of constructive, responsible capitalism, no less.” he said, coughing his views from his sprawling villa on 300-acre piece of prime land in the capital, that loudly advocates socialism and communism.
The Nifty closed 0.8% higher while the Sensex refused to alter at all, signaling it was hand-in-glove with the striking bankers.