Monday, 6th April, 2020


Pre-historic bullshit goes missing from national museum

13, Sep 2009 By Pagal Patrakar

New Delhi. A piece of bovine dung, which dated back to mid-summer of 2448 BC, has gone missing from its showcase at the National Museum. The historic piece belonged to a pile of bovine dung that was discovered by the British Government of India when they carried out an archeological exploration in Mohenjo-daro (now Pakistan) in 1936. After partition, Pakistan agreed to provide just one piece from that pile of dung to India, which has now gone missing.

Such paintings suggest that Harappan people loved Bulls
Such paintings suggest that Harappan people loved Bulls

Archeologists believe that the bovine dung belonged to some bull (male cow) and the pre-historic Pakistanis used to preserve the dung in a pile and dance around them to celebrate their festivals. Pictures and engravings of bulls have been sighted and found on numerous cave paintings, coins and terracotta belonging to the Harappan Civilization, which has led archeologists and historians to believe that people loved bulls and bullshits in those times.

“I am shocked and can’t tell you how bad I feel. It was the most beautiful bullshit I had ever seen. It would have given us enormous understanding about the people of those times and our own history. It’s a great loss to the nation and also a great shame for us, who can’t respect and salvage our own culture. The government must act fast and give back the bullshit to the citizens, who deserve nothing lesser.” Khoda Khanna, an ardent archeologist demanded.

To prevent a public outcry on the bullshit, government has suspended the security guards of the museum from immediate effect. Government believes that the bullshit was stolen and suspects Pakistani agencies to have carried out the theft. Intelligence officials argue that after stealing the lone bullshit left with India, Pakistan will now try to bargain with India to sell another piece of bullshit at exorbitant prices. It should be recalled that the whole pile of bullshit is somehow still lying safe at National Museum of Pakistan in Karachi.

“I am sure Pakistan will now offer to sell one more piece of bullshit to India and might ask for Kashmir or Taj Mahal in return. The government is not going to find it easy doing business with Pakistan. I think it’s better if we create a dossier containing proof of Pakistan’s involvement in bullshit theft activities in India and hand it over to the USA.”  M K Narayanan, National Security Advisor to the Prime Minister of India said.

The original pile of Bullshit that is now in Karachi National Museum
The original pile of Bullshit that is now at Karachi National Museum

But historians and archeologists, and other similar people, have suggested that India should be ready to pay any price to buy at least one more piece of the pre-historic bullshit from Pakistan. They fear that Taliban could blow up the whole bullshit pile once they gain control of Karachi, as they deem the bullshit to be an example of the inglorious past of Pakistan. In such a case, India must be ready to pay any price and salvage the history of the region, they argue.

Meanwhile Pakistan has denied any hand in the bullshit theft from the National Museum of India. Pakistani Home Minister Rehman Malik has accused India of not keeping its own house in order and blaming Pakistan for the misgovernance.

“Has it been the first time when India has lost something valuable because of their incompetence? If you look at Indian history, you will find numerous instances when they have lost stuff like rare statues of Hindu Gods and Nobel Prize of Tagore. Was Pakistan responsible for them? They are bad at housekeeping and they should acknowledge it. They couldn’t even keep spectacles of Mahatma Gandhi inside their country and had to buy it in an auction. Will they blame Pakistan for it?” Rehman Malik denied the charges of Pakistani involvement.

Interestingly, within a couple of hours of the news being confirmed that Indian bullshit has gone missing, National Museum of Karachi announced a public auction of limited pieces of bullshit from their own pile. The Museum administrators at Karachi told Faking News that it was a mere coincidence and it should not be linked with the theft in India. They have invited Indian liquor baron Vijay Mallya to take part in the auction that takes place later next week.