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Rajiv Shukla asks Tendulkar to announce retirement so that people forget scams

18, Aug 2012 By Pagal Patrakar

New Delhi. Inspired by the fact that the news of VVS Laxman’s retirement was not lost amid three CAG reports – all hinting at irregularities and scams – Congress leader Rajiv Shukla is reportedly working on a plan that will make Indian citizens completely forget such scams.

Shukla, who is also the IPL chief, is trying to convince Sachin Tendulkar to announce retirement from all forms of Cricket with immediate effect. He believes that this news would push all other news, mostly of scams and crimes, into oblivion as people will only discuss and debate Tendulkar’s career.

Sachin Tendulkar with Rajiv Shukla
Sachin Tendulkar with Rajiv Shukla

“Remember that even his new hairstyle generated so much of news,” Shukla is believed to have explained his master-plan to Prime Minister Manmohan Singh, “His Rajya Sabha nomination was even bigger news. In fact, many spread rumors that he had joined Congress and BJP was scared that we’d benefit in the elections.”

“Now imagine his retirement; no one will talk about CAG or any scam for months!” Mr. Shukla is believed to have told the PM, “And you know how short public memory is. CWG scam is almost forgotten, in fact, our people are now claiming CWG was better organized that London Olympics!”

Prime Minister, whose image has taken a beating due to the latest CAG reports, is reported to have given a green signal, by nodding his head, to Rajiv Shukla to use Tendulkar for rescuing the government’s image.

Sources claim that Rajiv Shukla, also a former journalist, has even composed some sample news reports and headlines.

Dravid, Laxman, and now Sachin, has IPL, led by Rajiv Shukla, killed Test Cricket?” is one of the TV debate topics Shukla has suggested to a news channel to ensure that the debate grows controversial and scams are totally forgotten by the public and the media.

However, experts believe that it won’t be easy for Rajiv Shukla this time.

“What is Shukla going to offer in return? Bharat Ratna? Sachin knows that that one will come to him anyway, why would he announce retirement?” argued a cricket expert.

“Unless of course Sachin releases a retirement statement with has an implicit *conditions apply on it, as it is done by Pakistani cricketers,” the expert said.