Study by Climate Think Tank MERI finds sexual harassment is key to combat climate change

09, Feb 2016 By Ajayendar Reddy

New Delhi: A new study published by an ace climate change think tank, MERI, found that sexual harassment at work place is the key to combat climate change.

Save earth, sexually harass your juniors
Save earth, sexually harass your juniors

“As you know, combating climate change is such an important issue today and when tackling such important issues, the leadership obviously gets certain sexual cravings. Through our study, we found that quenching the sexual thirst of our leaders increases their efficacy in combating climate change by 300 per cent.”

Interestingly, the study found that the sexual frustration of their leaders is not only affecting their work on combating climate change but also is directly impacting the environment by releasing the newly identified greenhouse gas Morondioxide into the atmosphere.

The study was commissioned after a spate of episodes of leadership sexually harassing the junior female employees came to limelight. The think tank and its funders got furious after an internal committee found a senior leader Mr Kachori guilty of sexual harassment and immediately took action by firing all the members of the internal committee and also the victims for not staying quiet.

The think tank also announced new work place policies that allow junior employees up to a certain level to be sexually harassed by the leadership.

“There are various ways to combat climate change and by volunteering to provide an outlet for the pent up sexual energy of the leaders, you are playing a significant role in this noble cause. Future generations will be forever greatful for your services. Also, we have friends at high positions everywhere and we are a law unto ourselves. Those who complain will be severely threatened, bullied and ostracized with further possible grave consequences,” read the new HR pamphlet for the employees.

Asked how they would ever convince any new members to join their organization, a senior employee, just one promotion away from immunity, said, “We will pursue our work with religious zeal and we have very appealing commandments. Combating climate change is our religion and it permits sexual harassment for the greater good. So there is no problem.”

Faking News sources are informing us that the organizers of some think fests and editors of some media outlets are showing extraordinary interest in the study and have started checking if sexual harassment in their organizations could be the key to counter the current climate of intolerance and communalism in India.