New York, USA. Amid reports that Group of Ministers on Bhopal Gas Tragedy could renew calls for his extradition, former Chairman of Union Carbide Warren Anderson has decided to turn himself into money and get deposited in Swiss bank. Anderson is hopeful that this will make sure that he would never return to India, except voluntarily, as has been the case with other monies deposited in the Swiss bank.
“Mr. Anderson would get all his assets, including his own depreciating body, audited and liquidate all of them, thus turning himself into pure cash. Later this cash will be deposited in a secret Swiss bank account, alongside other cash amounts that escaped India in the last few decades.” a person claiming to be personal assistant of Anderson told Faking News.
The person, on conditions of anonymity, said that the decision was taken after a lot of deliberations by Anderson himself, who knows Indian polity and policies very well. He believes that he would successfully sidestep all criticism through this masterstroke.
“Nobody asks who allowed the money to escape to Swiss bank and no serious attempt has been ever made to bring it back i.e. extradite it. Whereas it’s quite obvious that the escaped money could have been used to save thousands of starving and dying people in India and hence is responsible for nothing less than a tragedy.” the self-styled personal assistant of Warren Anderson argued.
Before zeroing upon his decision to turn into cash, apparently Warren Anderson had mulled over other means too to escape criticism and extradition.
“He though of extreme options of either accepting Hinduism or claiming that he was being victimized by Indian agencies for being a Christian, a minority group. He thought this could deflect the attention from the issue of his culpability. For the same, he even thought of adopting Pamela Anderson.” revealed his personal assistant.
“But money beats everything.” he added.