Monday, 6th April, 2020


Assam to be renamed as Gujarat to ensure proper media attention during floods and riots

17, Oct 2014 By Shaitaan Khopdi ™

Guwahati: In a historic decision, people of Assam have unanimously demanded that the state be renamed as Gujarat. The decision came after the people of Assam felt that the state keeps getting ignored by politicians and media alike when it faces calamities natural or man made.

Modi Gogoi
Assam CM Gogoi is even planning to change his looks to look like Modi.

Talking to the Chief Minister Tarun Gogoi, Faking News asked him, “Why Gujarat? Why not any other state?” Gogoi frankly replied, “In Gujarat even if a puppy gets hurt, the issue promptly picked up by media but in North-East even full scale riots go unreported. Last month when our houses were flooded, we had to wait till our PM came back from US before media started covering it. Even China shows more interest in us than Indian media or government. Our media’s moral compass always points towards West, be it India or abroad.”

Gogoi further explained, “Since last 10 years, the PM of India was a Rajya Sabha elect from Assam but a CM from Gujarat was in news all the time!! What other proof do you need? All these days, Arindam Choudhary was the only person who used to bring some media focus by filing random cases in Silchar against his critics. But after court declared him fraud, we lost the last hope as well. Now the only time North East comes into national news is when our people are racially abused in other parts of India.”

But don’t you think there will be a problem if there are two states with same name, asked Shaitaan Khopdi™. Gogoi replied, “I agree to it partly however we are looking at the brighter side. Chinese Army will get confused when they try to encroach next time. Imagine their horror if while camping around McMahon Line they accidentally come into the Indian mobile network coverage area and start getting SMSes that reads ‘Kuch din to gujariye Gujarat me!!’. I bet they will throw their cheap Chinese GPS gadgets and run away.”

“How will Gujarat react to this development?” Shaitaan Khopdi™ further probed Gogoi . “Gujarat’s connection with Chaiwalla is well known; and considering that Assam is the largest producer of tea in India, Gujarat owes this one to us,” Gogoi replied with a wink.